Thoughts on teacher’s comment

[RexMyDarling]

was at a kids birthday party over the weekend and a random child I’ve never spoken to (or his parents) and who is not a particular from of my DD came up to me and said that everyone knows DD does no work in class. DD is probably ADHD (as I am) so it’s not a surprise to me, but it was a surprise that he knew this when he doesn’t sit next to her. Or even on the same table.

He went on to explain that DD had offered to take some work home to complete it to the teacher but the teacher had said ‘you only want to do that so your mum can do it for you!’ And I’m stunned. I’m a secondary school teacher, which the class teacher knows, so a little professional courtesy wouldn’t go amiss here but also why is this being announced to the whole class?

DD doesn’t say much about school but I asked her this and she agreed it was said.

She’s year 3. AIBU to think you don’t say things like this to the class at general? AIBU to be pissed off that my daughter’s difficulties are broadcast like this? Is it a safeguarding issue do you think?

Not bashing teachers because I believe in supporting my colleagues but feel this particular one has stepped out of line.

Is it not most likely that the teacher was trying to make a bit of a joke with DD?

I was always aware who the naughty or less hard working kids were in my primary class whether I sat with them or not

As a one off comment I would let it go

Hahaha adhd or not. Goodness you don’t seem to understand the condition very well. Maybe go in and tell the OP’s daughter to ‘pull her socks up and just get in with it’…

Kids talk. So he might not sit at the same table but his friend does and they talk to him "oh DD just sits there doing nothing!"

Same as if DD had asked teacher and teacher had said to them "You need to do work in class so we know Mommy isn't doing it". Another kid overhears and runs off, telling the others.

Then at the party RC just says it to you because that's all he knows about you

Surprised you are a teacher and questioning if this is a safeguarding issue which it clearly isn't.

I meant that because I’m a teacher she would understand that I would know that doing work for a student isn’t a learning technique.

Hence the professional courtesy comment.

'I’m a secondary school teacher, which the class teacher knows, so a little professional courtesy wouldn’t go amiss here but also why is this being announced to the whole class?'

You're a secondary school teacher so a little professional courtesy to your colleages wouldn't go amiss but also why is this being announced to the whole nation?

DD has ADHD. Doesn't excuse lack of work. It may sometimes happen, doesn't make it OK or justified. If it's happening regularly she needs an EHCP/EHCP updating to reflect any unmet needs or she needs to knuckle down and succeed in spite of the challenges.

Thank you so much, that’s brilliant.

I was always aware who the naughty or less hard working kids were in my primary class whether I sat with them or not

Adhd is not ‘naughtiness’ nor is it working ‘less hard’. In fact people with adhd have brains that are running at a far higher speed and processing far more information that someone who is neurotypical. Most people with adhd have high intelligence but a disability that makes active productivity extremely difficult.

I have a DD with it and a DS who is also technically diagnosed with it. I also teach a significant number of kids with it....

Clearly I know nothing 🙄🤣🤣🤣

You're a teacher so have had the relevant training to know that children gossiping about other children is nothing to do with safeguarding.

What the child said to you may be true. It may not. You'll need to ask the teacher. As others have said, and as you know yourself, it will be better to ask if the teacher thinks tour daughter shouldn't bring work home because it's believed you do the work for her and ask, if it's untrue, where the teacher got that idea from.

No problem, believe me I’ve had to write a million of these emails over the last few years. I hope you get to the bottom of it and your daughter gets better support going forward.

Absolutely.

Thank you very much.

Am I right in thinking you are basing this on the words of a child you have never met before and don't know anything about. The child sounds like they may have issues with boundaries if they feel its appropriate or okay to say this to an adult they don't know. Sound like a CF. And you should know better, support your own child.

My whole query is about supporting my child.

With all due respect, having a child with adhd doesn’t mean you understand. The very fact that you say (paraphrasing) that having the condition doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be trying to get in with her work shows me that you do lack understanding in this particular case. My sibling had adhd and I was very obvious undiagnosed, our mother absolutely did not grasp what it actually meant in terms of coping in the classroom.

It’s not the children gossiping that I’m concerned is safeguarding. It’s the teacher’s comment.

@Gerrataere Sorry I probably didn't word that very well, there are obviously a whole host of reasons why different DC struggle at school without it just being a case of them being 'naughty' but most neurotypical 8 year olds won't be aware of this but they will be aware of the identity of children who need extra support in class or struggle to follow instructions etc, especially if it's a single class per year of very mixed ability kids

I'd want to follow up too. Less so because I took what the kids said as gospel, and repeated in the way its intended but because:

• DD offering to complete work at home sounds like she's struggling, aware of that and trying to come up with coping strategies
• The others kids seem aware of her productivity and its not clear how based off that remark
• The comment could be a joke or misconstrued but given the two points above this can't help her confidence even if that is the case

Basically, I'd use it to push for more in class support and a review whilst her assessment is underway

Thank you.

Definitely not taking kids words as gospel.

Did you miss the fact I teach a number of ADHD kids as well?

EVERY child should be TRYING to work. Whether they are succeeding or not.

No child will succeed all the time. But if your struggling all the time you should be having an EHCP.

Low expectations for behaviour shouldn't be automatically accepted because there is SN

Yes this

I meant that because I’m a teacher she would understand that I would know that doing work for a student isn’t a learning technique.

I don't really agree, I bet there are loads of teachers who help their kids, and loads of non-teachers who don't. But I appreciate it's not really the main point of your OP.

My teachers said shit like this to me (actually usually far more unpleasant because it was decades ago now) and I felt like the biggest fool in the world. I had undiagnosed adhd. I wasn’t stupid or lazy but I’ve spent a lifetime struggling with those feelings. Be on her side. (I know you are but other posters would clearly have you dismiss her because she’s a child) My life would be very different now had my parents or other (less evil) teachers had believed me.