Should I make my DD include her Half sister on her Bday trip?

[BamBamBambi]

Our Dds (11) birthday is next month. She has requested for her and 4 friends to go to the cinema and watch a movie and then get Pizza Hut after.

However it will be our weekend to have my dsd (14) and Iv mentioned to her about maybe letting her sister come along but she’s reluctant and doesn’t want her there. She wants it to be just her and her mates.

Im unsure if I should broach the subject again or let her have the birthday trip she wants as after all it is her birthday!

Normally this isn’t a issue as any gatherings have landed on the weekends we don’t have dsd.

Im leaning towards letting her have the trip she wants.

For context We also have a son that won’t be attending the cinema either so it’s not like she’s just leaving dsd out.

I think you need to stop overthinking for the 14 yo. There is no way a 14 yo would normally want to go with her 11 yo sibling and their friends. It’s possible she’s just polite and easygoing and slots in wherever because it’s easier - some kids are just like that especially with the non-resident parent.

It's sounds like you have a lovely family but do you want to go down the road of treating one differently to the other.

It's sounds like you have a lovely family but do you want to go down the road of treating one differently to the other.

Not sure which of us you are replying to ?

However, I'm not seeing anyone suggesting they are treating one differently from the other.
Most families with dc of this sort of age, who support their dc to go to something they want to go to with friends when it is their birthday, would also do that for the sibling(s) when it is THEIR birthday(s) . Thus treating them the same, but not forcing siblings to spend time with their brother / sister and brother or sister's friends doing something that probably isn't age appropriate.

An 11 year old wants a birthday trip out with her friends and doesn’t want her sister there. It’s fine and entirely normal. The family can always have a separate celebration. I can’t think of a single friend’s birthday party/trip I attended as a child where the older sibling tagged along. It’s weird. Will the 11 year old be joining when the 14 year old turns 15?

I find forcing dc to include their siblings in everything they do to be quite strange, and likely to build resentment.

I never got to do anything just with my friends, always forced to have my siblings tagged on (or I had to tag along with them) and I absolutely hated it. By 11 and 14 though even my parents had dropped the ludicrous “siblings must attend absolutely everything” rule though. I don’t even get why people are suggesting SD needs a treat, unless the OP’s child will also have to be taken for a treat on SD’s birthday.

I can’t think of a single friend’s birthday party/trip I attended as a child where the older sibling tagged along. It’s weird.

To you it's weird to other families it's not. I don't know a family who thinks like this only on Mumsnet. If a family decides to arrange a home party should the parents tell their siblings to go hide in their rooms and don't come out?

Two days of the year birthday and Christmas that's it. When my children grow up and have their own families the dynamics will change again. If you think that children will be miserable and resentful if they have to share a day with their siblings then that's sad.

Blood is thicker than water and in the end, when you are old you never see friends visit only family. You can tell who is close to their family and who isn't they are the ones on their own and it's sad.

I find forcing dc to include their siblings in everything they do to be quite strange, and likely to build resentment.

Doing everything with your siblings is unreasonable but two days of the year come on. My children can go out at any time they want to watch a movie or go to a cafe with their friends without their siblings.

I just asked my daughter if she would resent it she is home from university and she laughed when I asked her if she resents sharing her birthday with her sisters. She just told me she loves showing off her sisters to her friends how sweet. She also said that she does like to spend time alone with her friends as well but doesn't see it as being unreasonable to spend time with her siblings on her birthday. She is 19 for your reference and my other children are 17, 15 and 8. She's mature for her age.

Would your daughter resent asking for a family celebration and being told what she wants on her birthday doesn't matter, only the feelings of another family member, so nobody from the family would be there?
That's the real comparison. Your daughter likes to celebrate with her siblings and that's what she gets to do. If course she's happy with that!

My kids and DGC all had/have birthday events without their siblings.

Blood is thicker than water and in the end, when you are old you never see friends visit only family. You can tell who is close to their family and who isn't they are the ones on their own and it's sad.

To you, maybe. To many people this will be complete and utter twaddle.

I've recently turned 50 and I see friends all the time, both formally and informally. As for family, some I see a lot but others work abroad and/or live 100s of miles away so I don't see them anything like as much as my friends.

I think you are massively projecting from your own childhood experiences and that's perhaps understandable in your case but to assume other people's very different life experiences are 'sad' is really rude.

Another one who sees friends (including at age 50, old school friends) more than family.

Although I suspect my mother's constant refrain that family were more important than friends and my family would always be there for me and friends wouldn't, probably has a lot to do with it. I had to prioritise family over friends way too many times.

I think it's sad if people only socialise with family (as is the case for so many people I know) - there is more to life than a small bubble.

Doing everything with your siblings is unreasonable but two days of the year come on. My children can go out at any time they want to watch a movie or go to a cafe with their friends without their siblings.

2 days a year of the year, one of them being the child’s birthday when they have specifically asked to do something with just their friends. If it’s just two days a year then why does it have to be those two days being spoiled when they can do something with siblings any other day? You might sneer about a trip to the cinema and a restaurant but that’s what this child wants to do with their friends on their birthday.

I was terrible at making friends until I got to university because I had to do everything with siblings (my mother went with the family is more important thing too). Now they are not part of my life and I have made my own family with DH, DC and friends and I hope they’re the ones I see when I’m on my deathbed, not the people I had to spend every single day of my childhood with despite having massively clashing personalities.

Your response sounds bitter and petty.

I am giving another spin on it that's all she can do what she wants. None of my business with what she does with her daughter. She has come on a forum to discuss it and you as well as her have to accept that not everyone will agree. I don't need validation from strangers telling me I am right. I get on with it.

Not at all, just asking you to compare apples with apples.

The discussion ended when I updated everyone.

I personally wouldn’t listen to you anyway the way you sneered at a cinema trip as if it wasn’t good enough.

You can get on with it and get off the thread now.

I think it is fine for the birthday girl to celebrate with friends.

I think it's a bit mean to forbid your dh and other dc from doing something nice when they are out though. I doubt you prevented your dd and ds from bouncing when you took all three to a trampoline place for dsd's birthday, as "the treat is only for the birthday child". Your dd won't have a worse birthday if your ds and dsd also have a nice time.

If a family decides to arrange a home party should the parents tell their siblings to go hide in their rooms and don't come out?

Not sure why you are just making up ridiculous scenarios now ?
This isn't what is happening, and isn't what any poster talking about their own experience if suggesting either.

They are trying to explain to you that it is not only okay, but actually pretty healthy for children, teens and adults to celebrate birthdays with who they choose. There is something unhealthy about saying to a child "Yes, you can celebrate your birthday, but you don't get to choose who with, I, as your parent will dictate that you have to have someone with you who is at a different stage of life and probably doesn't want to be there. Of course, if any individual chooses to spend time with their sibling on their birthday, that is lovely, but that's not what you are talking about.

Two days of the year birthday and Christmas that's it.

My siblings always shared my birthday with me, I had no desire to share theirs though. TBF to them though, my birthday and Christmas happen to be on the same day.

That's not how forums work I can post where ever I please and you don't have to read and I don't have to agree with you. I agree with your husband and you know what it's not a big deal if she did go.

‘I can post where ever I please’ OK Child!
I don’t have to read? It’s my thread.
I’m not asking you to agree with me. I don’t care about what you have to say.
Stop drowning on.

Stop being so defensive spend time with your children and be happy. You'll be on your own one day and won't have these worries.

Spend time with my children? What the fuck are you talking about.

Honestly, go get a hobby or something as you are clearly bored.

No- it would be unfair for her to include her full sibling but not her half sibling; but, as she isn't including her brother either, I think it's OK. You could have a separate family 'do'.