Should I make my DD include her Half sister on her Bday trip?

[BamBamBambi]

Our Dds (11) birthday is next month. She has requested for her and 4 friends to go to the cinema and watch a movie and then get Pizza Hut after.

However it will be our weekend to have my dsd (14) and Iv mentioned to her about maybe letting her sister come along but she’s reluctant and doesn’t want her there. She wants it to be just her and her mates.

Im unsure if I should broach the subject again or let her have the birthday trip she wants as after all it is her birthday!

Normally this isn’t a issue as any gatherings have landed on the weekends we don’t have dsd.

Im leaning towards letting her have the trip she wants.

For context We also have a son that won’t be attending the cinema either so it’s not like she’s just leaving dsd out.

As kids get older they have smaller birthday celebrations with friends, so no need for siblings to go along!

Your DH can take the other two kids out with him and you take the 11 year olds out!

Dh should take dsd and ds out to do something, and you take the 11yo and her friends for their birthday trip.

It's fine not to invite sd. If it's a movie that she wants to see then she can sit with the adult taking the group to Pizza Hut afterwards. I'm guessing that the 11yos wants to sit away from the person supervising.

I doubt that a 14yo would want to go to a party for an 11yo. I think that treating her like the 10yo is fine

Can DH take DS and DSD out for tea or get a takeaway or something instead? Get some snacks and watch a film with them at home?

Your dd should be able to hang out with her friends without her siblings. If dsd would like to go to the cinema couldn’t she go with you and dh or with your ds or with her friends for either a different movie or a different session?

It's her birthday, she gets to choose who she goes out with, not you or DH.

She does not have to stay at home, what’s your husband blathering on about? He’s free to do whatever wants with his kid.

This, just let her do her birthday outing with her friends.

Agree, take the other kids out bowling or whatever. Leave dd to her friends.

I would just let your DD go to the cinema with her friends; particularly as there's quite an age gap between your DD and DSD. It's not like it's a family party and only DSD is being left out.

If you're worried she'll feel left out, maybe your DH could use the opportunity to have some 1:1 time with your DSD, then you could all have birthday cake as a family in the evening?

Yeah obvious solution is DH takes DSD and DS on an outing and you go with the birthday crew.

So tell your DH that DSD should invite a friend to the cinema and go to a different showing. Although I would have thought at 14 she would be organising her own outings.

I have dd13, dd11 and dd8.

if the middle o s had a birthday cinema trip, the older one definitely wouldn’t want to go.

The younger one most definitely would want to but I would be ok with telling her she couldn’t.

As long as it’s the same rule when it’s her half sister’s birthday (she doesn’t have to include younger half sister) I think that’s ok.

Are both you and dh going or are you dropping dd and friends off at cinema? If you’re going along that’s slightly different. In which case can one of you go and dh do something else with the other two?

Would your DH make the 14 year old take the 11 year old if it was her birthday?

It's totally normal not to invite siblings (whether half or full) to birthday parties, once you get past early primary school (and even sometimes then).

My Dds have the same age gap as your Dd and her Sister and they wouldn't gate crash things like this a full party is different but cinema and pizza is for friends Is different imo.

Organize something else to amuse DSD if you feel guilty. But why would a 14yo would want to go with 11yo's anyway?

Over use of Different in my post sorry 😃

Your closer in age son isn't going. I doubt SD would want to really, but absolutely no need to invite her in that situation.

Let your DD go out with her friends alone. It's her birthday. There is nothing to stop your DH from taking his older DD and son out for a McDonalds, I'd be telling him that. Get a birthday cake for at home afterwards.

But you’re not saying she has to stay home. If she and a friend wanted to go to the cinema then presumably they could. If you celebrate as a family with cake etc then everyone in the family is included equally and your DD can do her own things with her own friends.

I wouldn’t make her have any sibling there if she doesn’t want to - half, step, full, whatever.

Don't make her invite her half-sister. DH 'feels mean' because he feels guilty. If you were a nuclear family who lived together full-time would you make her invite her full siblings?

I wouldn't make a 14 year take an 11yo so no the other way round also, how is forcing helping anyone?

YANBU and the ‘half’ is irrelevant IMO. I did almost everything without my (older) sister at those ages.