Should I make my DD include her Half sister on her Bday trip?

[BamBamBambi]

Our Dds (11) birthday is next month. She has requested for her and 4 friends to go to the cinema and watch a movie and then get Pizza Hut after.

However it will be our weekend to have my dsd (14) and Iv mentioned to her about maybe letting her sister come along but she’s reluctant and doesn’t want her there. She wants it to be just her and her mates.

Im unsure if I should broach the subject again or let her have the birthday trip she wants as after all it is her birthday!

Normally this isn’t a issue as any gatherings have landed on the weekends we don’t have dsd.

Im leaning towards letting her have the trip she wants.

For context We also have a son that won’t be attending the cinema either so it’s not like she’s just leaving dsd out.

@BamBamBambi
I doubt that the 14 year old wants to hang out with a group of 11 year olds. Even if they were full siblings living together full time, I don't think that the 14 year old would want to participate in this event.

I don't think that any make up or alternative plans need to be made for the 14 or the 10 year olds. This is such a normal occurrence in families and should be treated as such.

Really? That's a shame you didn't get a chance to celebrate with a few friends without being obliged to have your siblings there.

I wouldn't include her, especially as your son isn't involved either.

You've answered your own question - "DSD had a sleepover at her mums house for her bday. Our DD wasn’t invited obviously".

Isn't it equally "obvious" that your DD should be allowed to have her own celebration with her own friends?

I have twins - they would not gate crash each others birthday celebrations

Tell DH to piss off. He can deal with his guilt about his daughter himself.

I wouldnt make my child take anyone on her own birthday trip out. if she wants it just her friends and i can see why she would then i would let her have that.

Half sister or not I wouldn't. I have 3 girls and as they've got older (now early teens) they don't include their siblings in their birthday trips. We do something separate like a meal together as a family

That's such a shame.

I agree with your dh she is her sister and it would be unkind not to bring her. She has to remember those girls will go one day but her sister is her friend for life.

What ridiculous statement. Many people have long standing friends that they get on better with than their siblings.

It's not remotely unkind not to invite a 14 year old (who probably won't want to go anyway) to a cinema trip with her younger sibling and her friends.
Siblings do not have to do everything together once they get past the age that it's enforced for childcare reasons.

No of course her sister cannot go! I am a big believer in birthdays being about what the birthday girl or boy wants and your DD wants her and a few friends to so something. It takes me back to when my DS loved having a birthday party of the cinema and a pizza!

Likewise I am sure her sister will want her and her friends to do something without your DD.

I've known twins not to want to do something together for their birthdays!

This

You haven’t, OP. You have written step-daughter and half-sister and pp have conflated them.

Where do you draw the line?
DS1 turns 18 in August, and no doubt he’ll want to go out clubbing with his friends. Should I insist he takes DS2 (age 14)? Or should I insist DS1 does something that DS2 can join in with, rather than celebrate his 18th with his mates?
Also, DS2 went go-karting for his 14th birthday. Should I have dragged DS1 along too, even though he had A levels to revise for?

DSD had a sleepover at her mums house for her bday. Our DD wasn’t invited obviously.

There you go then...got to treat SC and bio children equally....or so MN likes to tell us.

My kids don’t invite their siblings to their birthday treat as soon as they move away from parties and start doing activities (bowling, karting etc) with their friends. We do a separate birthday meal as a family.

I'm so sorry you were made to feel like that

In this instance though, it's not really a birthday party. It's a small group of friends going to the cinema as a birthday treat.

The DS isn't going either so really it would have to be DD, 4 friends, her brother and her sister to make it 'fair' for everyone...except DD. At that age they just want privacy to chat to their friends about things they'd prefer their siblings not to hear. It's not to specifically exclude her sister and they will have a family celebration with cake at home which is the important part.

I'm sure if it was an actual birthday party with many invitees she would be invited along with her brother (is that right @BamBamBambi?)

My only issue with this is the term 'half'. I understand it isn't incorrect but siblings are siblings and I don't think it's particularly nice that being pointed out. I only ever hear 'half' if they aren't both the Mum's children (generalising but more often than not, any children stay with Mum after a break up) despite having different Dads.

11 is an age where young people start to gradually get a bit of independence- the opportunity to select your own friends for the cinema rather than a full class party for example.

Not fair to mar the occasion by trying to prove how especially blended the family is by injecting in a 14 yr old who certainly didn't invite DD to her party.

As I have said, there would be absolutely no question of this if they were full siblings ergo the DB isn't going, so why should it be any different for a step sibling.

Can’t DH take both kids out? DSD should not attend the party.

It's the OP's step daughter but her DD's biological sister, they have the same Dad.

Using the term half on here is for clarity of the situation.

If I would of just wrote sister then everyone would of asked why didn’t she live in the same house.

In real life we don’t say ‘your half sister’.

Respectfully I don’t think that’s always the case.

Ah ok, my apologies. It did cross my mind that might be why but just generally I don't like the term because I have actually heard people use it in irl (My DD's Dad's ex - I'm looking at you!).

I’d ask your DD if she wants her half sister to come or not, can’t see here where you’ve addressed this. If your DD really doesn’t want her to come then fine.

I’ve got half siblings of differing ages and if I wanted to come on a trip or they did with me and DB then they were always allowed and not excluded. Due to distance this wasn’t usually an issue but we certainly didn’t leave each other out. My step mum is Cypriot though and they’re very big on family so invites were always issued to us!