Should I make my DD include her Half sister on her Bday trip?

[BamBamBambi]

Our Dds (11) birthday is next month. She has requested for her and 4 friends to go to the cinema and watch a movie and then get Pizza Hut after.

However it will be our weekend to have my dsd (14) and Iv mentioned to her about maybe letting her sister come along but she’s reluctant and doesn’t want her there. She wants it to be just her and her mates.

Im unsure if I should broach the subject again or let her have the birthday trip she wants as after all it is her birthday!

Normally this isn’t a issue as any gatherings have landed on the weekends we don’t have dsd.

Im leaning towards letting her have the trip she wants.

For context We also have a son that won’t be attending the cinema either so it’s not like she’s just leaving dsd out.

Yes I think YABU. I don't think it's fair to expect a sibling (step or otherwise) to tag along with the other's birthday outing if they don't want them there.

It's different for younger children, but over the age of 10 I think the birthday child should be able to choose who attends the cinema trip etc.

Yeah don’t force her to invite someone just because they are family. It’s her birthday treat she’s picked who to share it with. Your jot forcing your son on her so why her half sister. Almost a kind of Disney parenting there isn’t it.

No, make it special just for her and her friends. The only time we've included siblings for a birthday is when dh and I both need to be there and we don't have other childcare options. For a trip out with a small group of friends, I wouldn't include siblings as then it's just a family day out with some friends along. You can do that any weekend. You can do your DD's birthday and your dh can take the other two out for something nice, or vice versa.

I wouldn't make her. My mum used to make my older sister (older by 14 months) take me everywhere when we were young. It means I went on all her playdates with HER friends. It wasn't fair on her. I didn't realise at the time as I just was getting a fun day too. I won't do that with my 2 DD's.

No she doesn't have to. Her brother's staying home, so if you made her invite the ss, she'd have to being the brother too. Do a movie night with those at home.

The 14 year old won't want to go out with a bunch of 11 year olds anyway.

DSD should absolutely be invited to any family parties - a family BBQ, meal out etc. DSD should not be crashing the 11 year old's party with friends.

DS has a cousin the same year group as him but at a different school - the two boys don't even invite each other to their birthday parties and they get on well. At this age, they don't "mix" groups. So DS and his cousin hang out at family /extended family events and they play a sport together so hang out there. Otherwise, they have their own friends and lives.

Just do something at home with all the siblings, cake is probably enough at that age. maybe birthday child choosing evening meal.

Brothers and sisters don’t usually tag along when one child is having that sort of a birthday treat with friends. If they were younger and going to soft play then yes, but those days are long gone.

I have 2 boys similar gap who love to spend time together. However they also do things with just their friends and I wouldn’t ask them to include the other. Yabu to make her include your dsd, especially as she has said she doesn’t want to.

This is a birthday trip with friends. Siblings aren't invited. You can all go to the cinema as a family some other time. Having a 14yo around would change the dynamic for the younger girls.

That day have your husband take his daughter and a friend to the movies. Problem solved.

At first I was with you, but I can see why there might be a little awkwardness felt by your stepdaughter. Both are girls as you said, but also there is a three year age difference, and, should a sibling be automatically inserted into a child’s birthday outing with friends…so I see both sides.

Her dad taking her out with her own friend that day will solve the problem.

Her brother isn't going either so I think it's fair that DD just has her friends there. Could DH maybe get a takeaway or plan something with DS and his DD for that evening?

You don’t have to give dsd special treatment just because of who she is. Because that would be the only reason, wouldn’t it?

Some key points:
DS isn’t going.
DD doesn’t want DSD there because she wants
it to be just her and her friends.
If it was DSD’s birthday, I doubt your DD would be invited.

The only reason dsd would go now is because people feel like she has to, because she’s the child from dad’s previous marriage and apparently she needs to go to everything. And that makes no sense and doesn’t take in to account other people, most importantly your DD as it’s her birthday and she wants to be with friends only.

Listen to your DD.

Nah, siblings don’t need to come on birthday trips. Would be different if you were including your son and only excluding her but you’re not. It’s your dds birthday and she would rather just spend it with her friends which is fine. I bet dsd wouldn’t want her younger siblings tagging along to her birthday trip with friends.

let your dd just go with her friends. Your husband can always take the other two out separately if he wants.

Of course it's fine, it's normal. It would be off for him the older one to be there.

FWIW DTs are doing something similar for their 11th birthdays but seperatley with their own friends if that makes sense. Neither will be attending the others.

No. I have a sister 2 years difference in age to me, we got on brilliantly and are still very close. I remember Birthday celebrations just for me and my little group of friends being very separate from those I would spend with my sister and my family. Its very important each child gets to have their own friendship groups and not be forced to share constantly. The 11yo certainly wouldn't be invited out with the 14yo's friends.

Dad can take his daughter and the son out to the movies, I had forgotten about the son.

DD has two close friends with sisters and they have never come to birthday celebrations

he needs to give his head a wobble he is over correcting here. It is perfectly normal for your DD to have her friend birthday celebration without her siater

Why doesnt she want her there?

Perhaps ypur husband can do
Something nice with the other two kids to compensate

I suspect because she wants it to be her close friends and doesn’t want her sibling there which is perfectly normal

Why are people suggesting the others need to be taken out for a treat as well? They are all old enough to know that birthday treats happen on your own birthday, but you don’t get compensatory treats on your siblings birthdays.

If your son isn't invited then I think that's a good justification for your step daughter to not be invited either. If she would like to go to the movies though could your dh take her and your son? Or all of you go together some other day?

I have 3 children, all from the same set of parents. Even then, I don't let siblings impede on time/celebrations that a child may have with their own friends. Especially birthdays.

DSD needs to not be included, and at such times, that should work both ways.

Exactly what I was going to say... all of it!

Why on earth would DH expect his 11yo DD to take her 14yo sister (full or half - no difference) with her and her friends?? That's just odd. It's not like it's a family event. If DH feels bad (guilty), he can take his DD out to do see a film. But don't choose the same film. Let your 11yo DD have a fun party without family.

Can you plan a separate family celebration for that weekend aswell that the sister and brother are included in so it’s not being left out it’s just doing something else.

To all those who are saying "DH should take the older girl and/or DS to the cinema as well" - WHY?

It's DD11's birthday, her special treat. The other children will get their own special treats on their own birthdays.

Poor DD11. Is she not allowed anything of her own, not even one day where she doesn't have to share with her siblings?

YABVU to even consider either letting siblings crash her cinema trip and meal or thinking that you have to compensate said siblings because they can't.

You asked DD, she said no. Leave it at that. Older DD and DS get a normal day at home, they don't need to be compensated, it's not their birthday.

As many PP have said, perhaps get cake to have at home with the family. But please let your DD spend her birthday the way she wants.