To ask exh for financial help over the summer

[fortygin]

My exh and I have been separated for 6 years. We have 4 dc ranging from 18 to 12, all still at school.
rough breakup over his infidelity but generally bumble along ok. Both in new relationships but not living with them.
He had all 4 dc three nights a week for the first three years after the break up but the eldest two had some issues with his anger/attitude and now only go once a week. (18 year old is autistic and that’s their routine, weird as it is).
He has never paid maintenance as he said he does 50/50 parenting (I do all the day to day admin for the d/c and school runs etc) and the two oldest are welcome at his so it’s not his fault I have them more.
I have asked him for £10 per week over the summer to help pay for snacks etc for the dc due to the high cost of food and electricity, as they will spend most of the time off school at mine.
He said I had two options.

1. make the two eldest go to his three night a week again over the summer and he would provide food there, or
2. suck it up and stretch my own budget. aibu to after 6 file a claim with cms for maintenance?! I should clarify, he is not speaking to me because I am trying to sort out a college place for the 2nd dc and he said he feels excluded because they don’t speak to him about it. I called discuss it, he got angry and hung up.

I would give him a heads up ‘in that case I will go via cms to sort a fairer solution for us all. Thanks anyway ‘ or something breezy . You haven’t exactly asked much contribution in £10 so he’s being very unhelpful not supporting them if they are with you a lot more now

Sorry should say I followed up with a copy of the child maintenance predicted payment pdf and he read and ignored

What is the cms calculation?

He should be helping out more financially. They're his children and you're bearing the financially brunt. I would think more like £50 / week.

Just go to the CMS, he should be paying, and that’s that

two oldest are welcome at his so it’s not his fault I have them more I mean that's not really how it works - take him to CMS

Go to the CMS he has to listen to them

For context, I get £350 from ex-dh and we're in a very similar situation.

£259 pm using a conservative estimation of his wages

Just go straight to CMS. £10 a week isn’t going to keep 4 kids in snacks. Don’t threaten him with it - you shouldn’t have to beg for it. You and your kids are entitled to it. Just do it.

I also should say, I work part time but have tripled my wage in the last few years and intend on increasing hours more when youngest is settled in secondary school in September.
mum honestly not wanting to bleed him dry, just to get some help.

@fortygin then definitely go to CMS, he's been a dick not paying towards his children anyway but ridiculous he hasn't snapped your hand off and being 'let off' only paying £40ish pm rather than £250 odd. You've given him enough chances.

Just go to CMS.. I don't understand why you haven't.

I agree you need to go to CMS. He’s really not thinking about what’s best for his kids, is he?

He’s a narcissist and I still walk on eggshells round him. He’s not physically abusive but emotional and verbally abusive.
Im still having counselling as I struggle to deal with him and, where he is concerned, am most definitely a people pleaser to keep the peace.
I just can’t afford to be proud anymore.

Since when was 3 nights out of 7 ever 50:50.

Yes go to CMS.

No because punishing me is more important.

The money isn’t for you, it’s for his kids! If he can’t see that then hell mend him

He sees it as he would be ‘funding my lifestyle’.
I know I have been ridiculous but honestly he has controlled me for so long, I can’t see the wood for the trees.
I have always payed for the dcs needs most of the time, can’t say it isn’t galling to seeing him install a wood burning stove etc in his home whilst paying nothing.

If you only want a £10 a week, go through the cms and out the rest of the money away for them when they're older.

Or go to the cms and use the money to make your life a bit easier in the now.

Cms. He's a joke.

You can claim for child maintenance

Also if he's not talking to you then it doesn't matter how he feels or reacts - good idea you're going to counselling

Find your anger - he's not providing for your children. Go to the CMS and hang the consequences. Try to stop being afraid of him. You won't need to walk on eggshells when it's all officially done.

This. Do it for them if not yourself.