To ask exh for financial help over the summer

[fortygin]

My exh and I have been separated for 6 years. We have 4 dc ranging from 18 to 12, all still at school.
rough breakup over his infidelity but generally bumble along ok. Both in new relationships but not living with them.
He had all 4 dc three nights a week for the first three years after the break up but the eldest two had some issues with his anger/attitude and now only go once a week. (18 year old is autistic and that’s their routine, weird as it is).
He has never paid maintenance as he said he does 50/50 parenting (I do all the day to day admin for the d/c and school runs etc) and the two oldest are welcome at his so it’s not his fault I have them more.
I have asked him for £10 per week over the summer to help pay for snacks etc for the dc due to the high cost of food and electricity, as they will spend most of the time off school at mine.
He said I had two options.

1. make the two eldest go to his three night a week again over the summer and he would provide food there, or
2. suck it up and stretch my own budget. aibu to after 6 file a claim with cms for maintenance?! I should clarify, he is not speaking to me because I am trying to sort out a college place for the 2nd dc and he said he feels excluded because they don’t speak to him about it. I called discuss it, he got angry and hung up.

That was a really unpleasant comment you had to deal with. Ignore. Please use the thread for support. There are many of us who have dealt with similar. Including me. You've had some good advice here and there are lots of options going forward. In the meantime, as I said before, do not engage with him at all. Grey rock as far as you are able.

Hi OP how are you ?

jave you reviewed payment yet ?
Also never sit at a table with this man again he’s trying to bully you so he always gets what he wants he’s a controlling manipulator

stand your ground . Make this the start of how things should be moving forward . Do not reply to this man abs just go about your life . Even have a laugh that you are standing up to him and he’s didn’t get you to live in poetry and plead for money.

I never understand these threads. Why are you asking strangers on the internet whether you should go to the CMS to apply for the money you’re entitled to?

Short answer- contact the CMS 🤷‍♀️

Hope you’re ok @fortygin

Aww thank you. I’m good and DC are good. Maintenance was stopped as soon as summer was over 🙄. I have my girls 12 days out of 14 each fortnight but I’ve learned that it’s not worth the hastle arguing with a dickhead for a few hours a week.
move made my peace with that and have gotten myself a decent payrise at work and am living my life.
I was quite tickled today when he brought youngest back from his match in a new jaguar after telling me last week that he is having to work overtime to help pay his half of our ds’s school trip and asked me not to take it into consideration during divorce negotiations and then storming off when I called him a bullshitter!

What a cheek!

How can he just stop maintaining maintenance authorised by the CMS? Surely that's illegal.

And did you get a chance yet to see a solicitor to make sure he is not entitled to any of the time you have been the full mortgage alone on your joint house?

Yes my solicitor thinks I’m entitled to the house or the full equity if it’s sold. Which is what I will be going for.
Maintenance was done as a private arrangement so I would need to force a pay deduction to get him to pay and to be honest, the emotional/mental abuse is not worth it. I will make my own way in like. My kids are well aware who provides

so glad you’re doing well op.

He doesn’t have a choice about paying maintenance. When you hand it over to CMS, you won’t have to deal with him at all - they arrange it and tell him how much he has to pay (it’s based on his tax returns). If he doesn’t pay, you just let them know, and they arrange for it to be deducted from his wages.

You have nothing to lose (can block his emotional abuse) and everything to gain - could put it away for the kids for when they’re older.

Why can't you go through the CMS?

Glad you're doing well. I got a 100% order. It's rare but it can be done. Make sure you get a lifetime nominal order too.