To think parents should back off, Prom is just a school disco.

[AIBUPromPromProm]

This week I've bumped into a few parents with 16 year olds going to Prom and heard about the crazy amounts of grooming, money and time going into what is actually a school disco for 16year olds.
We're a small beach town - all the hair dressers are apparently booked out for blow drys & make up. People are scrambling around for anyone who can sew to take up/let down overpriced dresses for still growing 16year olds.
My daughter's friends seem to have a crazy amount of appointments next week and no one else wants to go surfing incase they break a nail or upset their hair.
I'm surprised at how much our laid back town has actually bought into the 'most important night of your life' rhetoric.

Not in England. Year 11 is when they do their GCSEs. Many schools only go as far Year 11. Year 11 is the year in which the child turns 16. You don’t automatically go on to year 12 - they have to achieve certain grades (depending on the school) and apply for the sixth form. Or they go to a post 16 college or join an apprenticeship. Leaving in year 11 is not “dropping out”.
In England the only thing you “graduate” from is university.

My god people are miserable... just let others do what makes them happy.

Its the last time a lot of them might see each other (I haven't seen about 98% of the people I went to school with since prom) let them have that moment. Its a litral closing of a chapter that made up one of the most formative parts of their young lives and shaped them irreparably.

I have seen full grown adult guest do the same or worse to attend someone else's wedding or their works parties/conferences which is nonsensical when compared.

No. What arrogance to assume systems are the same everywhere.
In the U.K., which the OP was about, compulsory school finishes at 16 after a set of external exams. Some go into do another 2 years in school, some in college, some do apprenticeships, some get work.
Those leaving at the end of Y11 are not ‘dropping out’. They have completed compulsory education, which they started at age 5.

Yeah I hear you. But I stand by letting my DD find these things out for herself rather than getting her all upset at a time in her life when peers and how you look are so important.

a shared bottle of cider passed around outside and a disco in the local community centre was good enough for us and you’ve no ambition for more for today’s young people, @Ginola2345 ? How sad.
Though when I left school in 1983 we had a ‘Dinner and Dance’ - ie what would now be called a prom and we all had new clothes for it. I actually think it’s a good idea for schools to model an adult event as part of education. We all attend them (from weddings and etc to work dos).

In 1997 we had a Sixth Form Ball - all girls school so combined with the boys school across the road. “Posh” frocks, hair and makeup done by ourselves though. My BF at the time matched his cummerbund to my dress 😍🤢

Also had a Grad Ball at the end of uni in 2000, similar thing…

None of it’s new, it’s just that back then there was less photographic evidence and no social media (thank god), and no American influences like King and Queen or “promposals”…

They are all finishing school. That's when school finishes in England. At 16.

That’s not what’s happening at all! I don’t do dressing up myself, but helping a young person to look good for a formal event is in no way saying looks are all that matter!

When my 2 DS had their prom I although thought it was a bit over the top and they surprised me with all the arrangements and plans they wanted. But honestly, why not? It is big if you're 16 and there is nothing wrong with that. Next week they be back doing whatever is normal for them and there is nothing wrong with a week or two of excitement. Indulge them is my view.

The only thing I can remember about my Sixth form leavers do, was watching my ex boyfriend (18 month painful first relationship) move swiftly on and slow dance with his new girlfriend.
No one wanted to dance with me cos I was just still seen as his and you wouldn't do that to a mate.

It was like John Hughes wrote the script.

I'm not even sure we have a photo of my sixth form, going to check now.

My school has done a 6th year ball for decades - at least back to the 50s , and we'll before "prom" was a big thing in the UK.

My entire year booked out all the towns hairdressers - as that was more than 20 years ago.

It's always been more than a disco, and its been a way to mark the end of schooling - so yes I do think it's probably the most important day of many of the kids lives up to that point (and will obviously be supplanted by other events as they move through their lives)
Let them have their fun. 🙄

I think it was 2003 when I finished year 11 and we had our prom. Most of the girls hired dresses rather than bought them, or reused bridesmaid dresses. A group of us did get a limo together and our hairdresser did my hair all fancy which I think my parents were happy to pay for because I was actually wearing a dress (one of the few times I ever agreed to wear one). It was a pretty fun night, some boys did the full monty and then weren't allowed to go to 6th form because of it.

Not as intense as the old fashioned dances high schoolers do where I live now (abroad), they practice the dances for weeks beforehand, all different kinds of ballroom dancing plus their own choreographed group dance, all dressed up to the nines and filmed for the local news. Its amazing to watch. I have noticed over the last few years more and more girls are opting out of the dress and dressing up in suits, and more same sex couples (they have to pair up for the evening for the dances), and some of the boys wearing really elaborate suits (certainly far more dressed up than the boys at my year 11 prom)

@MintJulia dd gets her beauty tips/ routine from her peers and online. Certainly not from me.
She's 16 and knows her own mind. She wants to look nice for the night, a change from the norm.
She has a mechanics apprenticeship. Obviously nails and a ballgown will be a little out of place.

I was back in my home town last summer, out on the night of one of the school's proms at the same hotel as mine was, same fireworks on the beach as we had, so perhaps its not changed much in my home town.

The dress could get worn multiple times if they have weddings to attend, uni balls, sports awards etc. it might not be too bad per wear for some.

I attend every year in my work capacity and they do get hyped up out of all proportion. But by the parents certainly not the school. It is genuinely lovely to see the kids arrive in their finery and always a lovely event but it is just a disco with posh trimmings and some people spend far too much which puts pressure on everyone else. The girls often look uncomfortable in very tight dresses and don't eat because the dress is unforgiving which I think is tragic. Someone always cries if someone else has the same dress. The expensive shoes get ditched v quickly and light coloured dresses get stuff spilled on them. In Covid year we did a party on the school field with some rides which was way more relaxed and age appropriate; teachers and kids all loved it. No pressure to dress up and for Neuro diverse kids and those outside the 'popular' groups much less awkward. Everyone said we should keep this model for yr 11 and just do prom from yr 13. Guess what? The kids and parents kicked off when we suggested it instead of a hotel prom and we've gone back to the bad old days 🤦

She is taller and bigger than average and would no doubt feel out of place with the petite and average height cute girls whose parents have spent a small fortune on their barbie/porn star insta appearance.

I think it’s disgusting you can compare 16 year old girls getting dressed up to porn stars.

Formal and compulsory education finishes at 18 years old, not 16 in the UK

If your child is taller and bigger than average the idea might be to help her embrace her individualism, notice the natural authority snd stature of someone taller and find something to enhance her appearance and install confidence. Not call her ‘cute’ friends Instagram porn stars??!!

Yes but formal and compulsory education is not necessarily school. It can be for some but compulsory 'school' finishes at 16.

Yes but you must be aware surely that
1)not all.schools have sixth forms and
2) not everybody sits Alevels
There are many courses available post 16 including apprenticeships .

NRTFT.

At my school 30 odd years ago) I had a disco.

DD is having a prom but she's not making an effort. She's bought a £30 dress off the internet andi is wearing trainers with it. She's doing her own hair and makeup. All her mates are pretty much doing the same. One of her friends is going in a trendy suit and tie. Not one of them is spending a fortune. It's a girls school, if that makes any difference.

formal and compulsory education doesn’t = school though

For many school finishes at 16.

No one on here is saying that their DC drag on their scruffiest jeans and a hoodie to go the prom.

They are saying you can get dressed up and look nice without spending a fortune. What's wrong is the pressure on teens that if they don't spend a certain amount then they won't look right.