To think parents should back off, Prom is just a school disco.

[AIBUPromPromProm]

This week I've bumped into a few parents with 16 year olds going to Prom and heard about the crazy amounts of grooming, money and time going into what is actually a school disco for 16year olds.
We're a small beach town - all the hair dressers are apparently booked out for blow drys & make up. People are scrambling around for anyone who can sew to take up/let down overpriced dresses for still growing 16year olds.
My daughter's friends seem to have a crazy amount of appointments next week and no one else wants to go surfing incase they break a nail or upset their hair.
I'm surprised at how much our laid back town has actually bought into the 'most important night of your life' rhetoric.

We have a leaver's ball for sixth form - back in 1991, so definitely not a new thing. Posh frocks, black tie, make up and hair done, 3 course meal, drinks, disco/party after.

We didn't have one after GCSEs in 1989 but did have a fairly big 'year school disco' at a venue and again people got dressed up. It was just done without alcohol at the actual venue due to age.

Even back in 1989 and 1991, when mine were, some people spent loads and some less so. And it was a very average state comp in a northern town.

None of its new. It just has a different name.

16? Are you in an area where the schools don’t offer a levels? For us the leavers party was at 18 in a hotel and marked the actual end of education for most so at least a little more justified (though hardly any of us had professional hair and we all painted our own nails).

My daughter is going. We spent £110 on a dress and about £50 on jewellery and a bag. No nails, she's doing her own hair and friend will do her makeup. Shoes are patent docs she will wear again. No limo either. Not all teens go over the top.

And the bloody ‘after party’ … DD couldn’t possibly wear the same dress 🤦‍♀️

Hetronormative?

😅🤣😂cider in the park they where the days ...we never had leavers/proms back then...just eggs and flour as you left for the last day.
However when my son and his friends had a prom they looked so grown up and really enjoyed the event ( in the end !!! Most of the boys weren't very engaged until they got to choose a car between them)

@darkmodeon it's a PROM, a social occasion, in the evening. What 'education' Do you think they should be having then instead???

bizarre.

@AIBUPromPromProm no it's not just a school disco. It's also not a new thing. I'm 54 & we had a 'prom' (though it was called a 'Ball')

it was a bit less intense than they are now. We did our own make up & hair (most of us anyway) and we just got lifts there ir drive ourselves (over NZ, I & loads of others, had a full licence at 15).

we certainly didn't not go surfing or whatever beforehand.

Dresses were certainly still a big deal, though I borrowed one off a family friend as I hadn't had any intention of going until a couple of days beforehand 😂😂

but no, they're not just a school disco.

Yabu

Yr11 have had to contend with covid and lockdowns affecting their GCSEs and friendships. No allowances given this year in the marking scheme like previous years so they've all had to work their arses off.

Some of them will be leaving school. It's a chance to let their hair down and grab some memories they've missed. If they want to go overboard let them. They deserve it

I agree, absolutely ridiculous.

At one I attended, a girl who had basically been giving the finger to school for the past 5 years spent over £600 on her dress.

putting value on all the wrong things.

Prom is not a school disco. It is probably for a lot of kids the first and maybe only time (apart from weddings) they get to really dress up and have a posh sit down meal and dance in a posh location and start to experience being at an adult style event. Let them enjoy it, it might not be important to you but it is important to them and that is what matters.

It’s sad & regressive. It’s all about looking good for the photos & everyone trying to outdo each other. I cringe when I see girls & their parents fall for this crap.

@user1469908585

sell it this time next year.

but there's absolutely no need to soend an eye watering amount on a dress for a prom.

It's not suffering to let her do her own nails and makeup

A celebration of them completing their education - perhaps an acknowledgement of all they have learnt rather than who can spend the most on a dress.

No one is 'falling for this crap'

its a social event, not unlike many others.

would you say people are 'falling fir all this crap' if they go to Ascot, charity ball, works ball etc??

This may blow your mind but not all kids sit A levels many go.on to.college and do.other courses ,and even those that do sit A levels many sit them at sixth form.colleges ,lots of schools are only years 7-11

Probably becuase they've been conditioned since 16/18 that it's what they need to do. Break the cycle.

eldest daughter wore a £40 dress, £20 shoes and a £10 bag, did own hair and make up and her friend’s much brother drove them there in his flashy sports car- with a shared taxi home afterwards. All her choice, she didn’t want me to spend a lot.

Younger daughter chose a £150 dress from an oxford street department store during a trip to london in march 2020, and a week later we went into lockdown- prom was then cancelled.
The unworn dress is still in its box and tissue paper in her wardrobe- it’s a really lovely classy dress which she still loves and is hoping to wear for her uni graduation instead if it’s suitable in two years’ time (she hasn’t grown, so it will still fit).

The acknowledgement of all they have learnt comes on results day.

should say *much older brother

My dd had a fab time, my younger dd helped her get ready, I did the up do, the girls did makeup and nails together. It was an adorable bonding experience, and dd enjoyed being dressed up with friends. That's all she wanted it to be.

I'm from the States where prom is a Very Big Thing and I've been vocal about how silly and wasteful that attitude is for years. Maybe that helped her stay realistic and grounded about it all.

I'm not a massive fan of the prom idea, but we're a few days off DD's and it doesn't seem too crazy so far.

DD ordered a cheap dress, altered by a clever friend. No idea what she's doing about hair and make-up, nails etc. She's looking forward to a night out with her friends, but not excited to be feeling like a princess or anything!

I'm also not a massive fan of my kids' school, but to be fair to them, they've made it clear that dressing up is optional and the main thing is that the kids enjoy themselves. They've also sourced a selection of suits and dresses for kids to borrow if they want to dress up.

I think there will definitely be people who spend loads, really worry about how good the pictures look etc, but I think those people probably have those sort of attitudes more generally anyway - it just magnifies your existing way of being/thinking, I think.

@darkmodeon they also have assemblies, awards evenings, grade certificates. Having a prom doesnt prevent celebrations of their academic achievements.

you don't need to spend loads on a dress, (or hairdressers, expensive cars...etc)

DD went in a 50s style dress (£30 in the sale) with an underskirt (£18) and some sparkly converse that she already had.

I did her hair and makeup.

She looked gorgeous!!

Only if you judge learning purely based on GCSE grades.