To think parents should back off, Prom is just a school disco.

[AIBUPromPromProm]

This week I've bumped into a few parents with 16 year olds going to Prom and heard about the crazy amounts of grooming, money and time going into what is actually a school disco for 16year olds.
We're a small beach town - all the hair dressers are apparently booked out for blow drys & make up. People are scrambling around for anyone who can sew to take up/let down overpriced dresses for still growing 16year olds.
My daughter's friends seem to have a crazy amount of appointments next week and no one else wants to go surfing incase they break a nail or upset their hair.
I'm surprised at how much our laid back town has actually bought into the 'most important night of your life' rhetoric.

DS has prom next week. I've bought him a suit which he'll wear again and it was £30 for the ticket.Theres no dress code. Simply a lovely function room in a trendy bar with a some tapas / small dishes and drinks. He's getting the bus into town on the night! I'm glad he's going.
His year group (YR13) will be splitting up to go to Uni and missed out on a YR 11 do due to Covid. This will be the only Prom they have and he worked really hard for the last 6 months revising but the school have been sensible enough to keep it low-key, informal and relaxed.

"Just a disco"
Is not doing this justice.
It is for many of the pupils the very clear end of a section of their lives.
They are going on to apprenticeships or work for others that are staying in education it is the point at which they finally get to take control over what they want to do and can accept responsibility for themselves.

How ever you look at this it is the end of seeing many people that they have grown up with and may never see again.

My three all had very different proms and bought into them as much as they wanted. DD1 went with her boyfriend in sale rail dress for a tenner, DS bought a suit from NEXT and jumped into a shared limo. DD2 had the full Disney princess thing going on with makeup, nails etc... They all worked hard at their exams and are good kids. I didn't begrudge any of it.

No.your not in England at least
School.is compulsory up.to.year 11 which is GCSE year
Many high schoo!s only go.yp.to.year 11
Some schools have sixth forms ,or there are sixth form.colleges which offer A levels
Post 16 in England at least studentsare supposed to.be in some form.of education ,but it's not A levels it nothing there are lots of college courses available and Apprentiships,so.kids are not high school.drop.outs if they leave after year 11 at all🙄

It can get very over the top, but it's down to the parents to say no isn't it? and to limit spending to what they can afford or want to pay.

DD will have her Leavers Ball next year, and we have already discussed how we will be looking on the Next sale rail in the local shopping outlet village, or local charity shops, lots of which sell cheap second hand prom dresses.

I will get my hairdresser to curl her hair, and I will paint her nails myself and that will be it apart from sensible priced bag/shoes. A family friend will provide free transport in whatever shiny vehicle they have at the time.

DD isn't part of any "in crowd" thankfully, so won't have to live up to that and will be able to do her own thing. After that she will be thankful to never see most of them again, due to a lot of them being bitches to her.

It is lovely looking at the photos of this years Y11 though. They turned up in tractors, rolls royce, motorbikes, horse, lorry, and even a batman car.

Both my dds were Covid GCSE generation, so no prom for them.

Dd2 is going to a year 13 prom next month - got a dress from Vinted, will get her hair braided by a friend and she & her mates will all turn up in MIL's camper van. There are some v wealthy families at her school who will go all-out, but she thinks it all a bit naff (phew).

It's only as 'ridiculous ' as you allow it to be. One of the most fabulous outfits I ever saw was one of our girls ( I teach so have been to too many proms) in a fitted, black, trouser suit and an amazing basque-type top with killer heels. The star of the show was her masses of red, tumbling hair. Fabulous. She chose it so she could wear all the times again and to stand out- which she sure did.

Loads of the boys here wear the kilt and it's pricey to hire, but DS last year wore his dad's kilt (identical size as DS was almost 18 as it's after S6 here when they're older) and looked phenomenal- cost £0. DS2 will do the same next year - taller so will borrow uncles!

• items *uncle's

I'm so relieved all this prom stuff stated after my child had grown up. It seems to be out of control in some instances, for what is as people say, a disco. And how can something you do at age 16 be the "most important night" of your life. Is it all down hill after that? Another thing that I wonder is how on earth do some parents afford it given that so many people are struggling to provide the essentials in life. Of course there should be fun and celebrations but how can it be inclusive if some of the kids are being preened and pampered as if it was a red carpet event.

As a teen, despite being very sociable, I didn’t want to spend money my family didn’t have to go to a prom I didn’t really want to dress up for, so I didn’t go but didn’t get FOMO as it was my decision. Leavers party age 18 was much more normal dresses (I wore it several times after) and £20 for the ticket including a coach - went to that! I find it outrageous the expectation of spending on girls particularly for prom.

That sounds lovely, I hope they all have a wonderful time

Each to their own but I do feel for families who are unable to meet the requests of their young person. As previously said peer pressure at this age is massive. My daughters dress was about 150, she did her own make up and nails and a neighbour did her hair for 15. Her dad took her in the family car, she didn't want any fancy transport.

YANBU about some of the peer pressure about prom, but there are plenty of children who do prom on their terms rather than insta worthy ones. My daughter's biggest expense will be her hair, £20 to have a really quirky style that she's concocted with our hairdresser because this is her leaving party from school and she wants to do something different. No extra on make-up, nails, fake tan etc and the outfit is "vintage" 25 years old

Her friendship group is breaking up after yr11 because some are staying for 6 form, others to college (because 6 form options don't cover all bases). This is their last chance to have a great time before everyone finds a new path and friendships. I don't begrudge them that after a tough path to their GCSEs.

Tacky isn't it.

All those parents teaching their impressionable dds that how they look is what really matters ! And then wonder why they have depressed teens who can't live up to the fantasy.

Does it matter? They've finished working their arses off in their GCSE, the pressure put on them is ridiculous. It's a rite of passage and a bit of fun, it's not actually hurting anyone at all. It's such a shame that so many have this attitude to something which is meant to be a special night of fun. God forbid!

Yes you're completely right. All the 15/16 years olds in England who are celebrating leaving year 11 are drop outs. Us parents are spending money to celebrate the fact that they couldn't be bothered to do one last year at secondary school

It's perfectly possible to have an amazing end of year prom, to celebrate the end of your hard work and to say goodbye to your friends ... without spending silly amounts of money.

I think it's a shame that spending more money=having more fun in some people's eyes.

I can't tell from my daughter's prom photos who bought their dress from Vinted and who spent £500 on their prom outfit. But they all looked like they were enjoying it.

There are a lot of people who have pointed out on this thread that their child did not go over the top - bought secondhand dress, did their own makeup etc.
A prom is no different from anything in life - there will be a range of people giving a range of responses to what they want to do.
I have twins, my son tried on the first suit I suggested to him and he was happy with it. BUT he loves football, if I was suggesting he go watch his favourite team he would have a very strong opinion on what he was going to wear and this would include wearing his team's latest football shirt which is likely more extensive than his prom suit.
Alternatively, his twin sister loves beauty - she liked beauty before the prom - and for her the lead up to the prom and being able to have different beauty experiences was a huge part of her enjoyment of prom. She's had a few difficult years with covid and health issues, just finished her GCSEs and has severe anxiety. Encouraging her to do something she loves and seeing her so happy while doing it, watching her push her anxiety boundaries to do the things she wanted to do - was just priceless. The actual prom was not the excitement for her - it was the lead up that she enjoyed the most.
I get that some teens put pressure on their parents for things for prom...but teens put pressure on parents for things all year around.
If teens want to spend time and money on the lead up to prom and their own parents are happy with this - leave them to it. They can get to choose their own type of fun without strangers judging them. This group of teens had a difficult social time during covid like many children did - just let them be carefree a little longer.

All for the socials. I was only thinking just the other day that life was so much easier when we all had FA.

Do you never get dressed up then?

What's wrong with wanting to look nice at a party? It's not teaching them that looks are all that matters at all. It's just letting them feel special and grown up for one day. It's not like they'll wake up a week after the prom and think they need to put on a fancy dress and do their nails and hair just to walk to the corner shop

@Tessisme hmmmm....., boys don't escape that lightly. My DS had a brand new suit which he wore once more for a job interview, it no longer fits as he has gained muscle! He also had a new shirt and dress shoes that were never worn again. I went for the better value end of the scale, but it still added up to approx £150. Admittedly there was no nails, makeup etc I believe his girlfriend spent £400 ish all in!!!

I appreciate they all want to look amazing, but for one night that is quite shocking.

I was so lucky with my DD. She thought spending huge amounts of money was wasteful. She had proms at 16 and 18 years old. Did her own hair and make up both times. Year 11 prom she found a gorgeous dress at a charity shop for £20 plus another £20 to have it altered, shoes she already had. She and a group of friends went to the venue in another Mums people carrier.
year 13 prom (sixth form) was another charity shop dress but it cost £50 and needed no alteration (she’s worn it a few times since), same shoes as her year 11 prom. She and her friends got a train to the venue (it was in the city) and parents dropped them / picked them up from the station.
Some primary schools have “proms” for 11 year olds! Utterly ridiculous! The school wear I work refuse to do that - our year six children have a celebration assembly and a fun day with picnics, games, (organised) water fights on the field and behaving like the children they are.

My dd wore a second hand ‘vintage’ dress, her choice, didn’t have nails groomed or make up on and most of her friends were the same. Certainly not limousines or spray tans etc. I find that very tacky. It’s low key at our school ( girls independent) They enjoyed the evening. I am surprised the schools have allowed this to continue unchecked. It’s grotesque and very unfair to the dc that do not have the money for this level of frivolousness.

Prom is just a school disco.

😉😁😁😂😂😂😂😂😂

My personal favourites were the girls in suits and waistcoats.