To think parents should back off, Prom is just a school disco.

[AIBUPromPromProm]

This week I've bumped into a few parents with 16 year olds going to Prom and heard about the crazy amounts of grooming, money and time going into what is actually a school disco for 16year olds.
We're a small beach town - all the hair dressers are apparently booked out for blow drys & make up. People are scrambling around for anyone who can sew to take up/let down overpriced dresses for still growing 16year olds.
My daughter's friends seem to have a crazy amount of appointments next week and no one else wants to go surfing incase they break a nail or upset their hair.
I'm surprised at how much our laid back town has actually bought into the 'most important night of your life' rhetoric.

They’ve just spent months studying for exams, sat for hours in their uniforms stressed and working hard. They just want to feel pretty and pampered for one night. A lot of these girls won’t even expect parents to maintain getting their nails or hair done regularly. They just want one fabulous night and to feel a million bucks and at 16 that’s a pretty understandable thing.

Everyone has the right to set a budget for their own child but the teenagers are not wrong or shallow etc for wanting to feel glamorous for one night. They’re 16 fgs

We had a leavers prom when I left school back in 2003 so it's really not a new thing. Some of the girls went in the fancy expensive dresses and organised a limo with friends, I went in a £20 dress from Topshop so I suppose it's just how much people want to buy into it. A lot of adult women would pull out all the stops for a wedding which isnt much different really

DD1's post GCSE party was in 2014. Her dress was £5 in a charity shop and her shoes were £8. The most expensive thing was a strapless bra that had to be bought new. When she left school after A levels, we bought 2 dresses in a sale in House of Fraser; I think it cost around £80 for the 2. She has worn them umpteen times for college events and balls, so got our money's worth. TK Maxx is great for prom-type dresses that don't cost the earth.

I would reduce such events by a simple thing. No school that has such an expensive and heteronormative event can ever be considered outstanding.

That's a ludicrously dimwitted idea. These events are often organised by the students and/or the PTA. And even if the school itself does organise it, do you actually think they tell the girls they must wear OTT dresses and spend a fortune in grooming? My ('gender non-conforming' ) dd is going to her Y13 prom in black trousers, and a waistcoat which cost £20, not because her school is or isn't 'heteronormative', but because that's what she wants to wear. Nobody will bat an eyelid at her not wearing an expensive dress.

The criteria for judging schools are already pretty meaningless. Let's not add to that by judging the quality of the education they provide on the basis of what kind of partly the kids choose to have and what they wear to it eh?

As a notorious school 'geek' I'd have run a million miles away from any idea of prom at 16.

Even Andie in Pretty and Pink - the film famed for having the most hideous prom dress in US movie history - acknowledges that 'it's the worst! but it's supposed to be, right?' So in the 1980s they all went along with it but acknowledged it was naff. In 2020s UK, they seem to take it entirely seriously!

On the other hand, it is a massive milestone in life, and in my day it did feel a bit as though my whole school life was ending in a whimper not a bang.

I did go to the RAG and Graduation balls at university, though. Those were fun, but then we were over 18 which makes a difference.

It's bizarre.

Reassuring to hear lots of people enjoying Prom but keeping it in proportion.
I bumped into some parents recently I've not seen since Primary school days and it was all about Prom.
Not what the kids have done or doing or looking forward to, just all about Prom.

It doesn't help locally there's a bridal shop with the best hard nosed saleswoman going. the most laid back local mum had been taken for £400 for a cruise ship style evening dress for a sixteen year old who post exam, with all the carbs, barely fits in.
Those who spend just moderately tend to keep very, very quiet.

I'm not! Now that really would have felt like being on parade for male approval. Even the practice of wearing white to your 'coming out' dance was pretty cringeworthy.

Surely a prom is the opposite of a debut. One's an ending, the other's the beginning of being 'out' in suitable social company. Suitable, of course, to be dictated by convention rather than inclination.

I'd rather have a day at the races, a good flutter and a few jugs of Pimm's to help me on my merry way 😎

@NoodlePlanet · Today 12:12
Proms are basically like Debutant Balls. Am I the only one that feels sad at the demise of the time-honoured Debutant Ball? you aren't alone. We used to go to the Hunt Balls, they were brilliant, an absolute piss up and I have fond memories of great fun teaching the old mega posh Lady Whatsit to do the Wigfield Saturday Night Dance. The nice thing about prom, as everyone seems to forget, is that they are for everyone. We can't deny that Debs and Hunt balls were either for the elite or (in the case of Hunt) estate workers, whereas prom is for all classes.

In 1998 the debs as they were called in Ireland were huge. I got the hair and make up done and a dress that made me look like an elderly American woman with the amount of bedazzling! It was all paid for by my summer job and it was the last time I saw lots of my classmates before they split up for college.

I wouldn't judge anyone for letting a teenager get all dressed up for the night and feel like a star. As long as you and they can afford it no point in sucking all the joy out of life just to prove you only spent 7 euro on the whole night.

Its not really a new thing, prom has been overhyped in this way for at least 10 years, but when my dds went it was very much up to you, a whole range of outfits worn . Neither of mine has a fake tan, professional hair or makeup.

I had a leavers ball. It was 2003 and I was 15 (summer baby). I didn’t have my hair and nails done or owt but, my mum took me to M&S and I picked a nice frock from their new Per Una range. I felt like a princess and it cost a whopping £35 which was easily the most expensive dress I had ever worn. She got me matching shoes too. They were aqua marine with a kitten heel.

My mate’s dad dropped us off and my dad picked us up.

Things are a bit more whacky now, but let them have at it. It was fun!

Agreed. It's silly. Ds1 went and had a great time, at not huge expense.

@Whendoesmydietstart says what I was going to say. Prom is for everyone at the school. My school had a summer ball every year and that was 30 years ago, we were just a state comp but it gave the kids a life experience and some knowledge of how these things go.

Of course as seen in the PTA thread some people don't think education should be anything other than book learning.

The competitive under dressing on here is hilarious!

I sent mine in a potato sack with brown paper bags for shoes...

Let them live!

Dds school has no 6th form, so prom is a great way to finish for those who like that sort of thing.
A local lady collects prom dresses and suits outgrown or gathering dust and cleans, repairs and fits them for families that are struggling. Ditto "interview clothes"

it’s fun to celebrate after the hard work and stress of GCSEs, but it does not have to be expensive. This is my daughter: no stylists involved and dress and bag from a charity shop.

Is your daughter doing?

Times change don't they? They want to be able to put photos online. It's peer pressure to fit in.

We have a Christmas dance (disco for juniors) and leavers prom after 6th year that any who were in that year could go to even if they left at 5th year. It’s held in a hotel and 2 of my 4 sons have left school so my eldest had a nice suit cost £100 and doubles as his interview clothes. girlfriend at the time had a beautiful dress that I think was quite expensive no idea re hair make up etc but the girls are quite glam so do their own makeup but it’s an end of school party not sure why they can’t just enjoy it.

Looking at the pics there’s a range of outfits etc no limos etc and kids had fun then went to after parties. These aren’t 16 year olds though 17/18 he wouldn’t have gone in 4th year @ 16. But at end of the day you spend within your budget for their outfit etc I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business

Why is school prom heteronormative?

My DC school is "good" and has a prom. I'm happy with that.

What's the deal with heteronormative though? Has that been your experience?

I think I need to log off the internet for a while after reading that post you're replying to.

I have two DD.

DD1 really looked forward to, and enjoyed her prom. She shopped with friends for her dress and ended up spending £8 in TK Max for a beautiful strapless cocktail dress, she borrowed a pair of my heels and a sparkly clutch, she had her friends did their hair, make up and manicures. Minimum expenditure, maximum enjoyment. She also took her girlfriend as her date, so definitely not heteronormative.

DD2 didn't want to go to her prom. She had no interest in getting dressed up and she and her friendship group organised an anti-prom party instead, camping, barbecue and probably booze.

Both enjoyed themselves in their own ways.

My son has just finished yr 11 at an all boys school and none of them wanted a prom so it was cancelled. Quite relieved tbh.