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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it ever ok to go retrieve your ball from the neighbours garden without asking?

97 replies

Wheresmylist · 24/06/2023 21:52

Just that … would you be ok with your neighbours that you didn’t know entering your back garden through a gate without asking?

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 24/06/2023 22:08

It depends on the neighbour. On one side we have an elderly lady who said years ago to just pop in to grab anything that goes over, on the other side they throw things back over when they see it although their fence is higher so stuff doesn’t tend go over anyway.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 24/06/2023 22:09

No. I have dogs and if they got out and got hurt because my neighbour is selfish enough to do this we would have issues to say the least.
However, I'm not a grumpy neighbour and will happily throw balls back over the fence.

JustKeepSlimming · 24/06/2023 22:09

Our elderly neighbour has said he's happy for the kids to just come in and retrieve anything that's gone over the fence, because I guess he doesn't want to have to keep answering the door to them. It only happens every now and then, though; we've also given the kids a talk on privacy and how they should go in, get the ball/toy and come straight back out again, and not wander everywhere or touch anything.

continentallentil · 24/06/2023 22:09

If you have to ask, you know it isn’t OK.

If they were mates it might well be fine, but in which case you wouldn’t be asking.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 24/06/2023 22:11

No it's never ok to trespass on someone else's property. The person who is being inconvenienced needs to get a lock on their side of the gate.

Therunecaster · 24/06/2023 22:13

I am so lucky. I had a glass of Aperol Spritz with one next door neighbour this afternoon and a bbq with the other this evening. Both lovely and all of our kids have, at one time on another, been in and out of our gardens retrieving balls.

Applecoresweet · 24/06/2023 22:14

I would not mind at all if a neighbour's kid came into my garden to get their ball because I am not a weird, precious, arse.

pizzaHeart · 24/06/2023 22:16

CleverLilViper · 24/06/2023 21:58

Well would you be happy if someone was entering your property without asking?

Obviously it’s not ok and tell your kids to stop kicking the ball over. Why anyone would ever feel entitled enough to enter someone else’s property without permission is beyond me.

This^

Hollyhead · 24/06/2023 22:16

I’d expect to be asked the first time but then I’d tell them they can come and get the ball whenever they need.

Quveas · 24/06/2023 22:21

Ponoka7 · 24/06/2023 22:01

It was open permission when I was young and I gave the same. I feel sorry for kids these days, or possibly those that live next door to the typical MNer.

That's lovely. I'm absolutely fine with anyone coming through my gate and trespassing on my property. The dog isn't. But on the plus side he does love a ball, for the entire two seconds it takes for him to pop it.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 24/06/2023 22:24

No because I have dogs. Otherwise I wouldn't mind.

Wheresmylist · 24/06/2023 22:43

CleverLilViper · 24/06/2023 22:03

In general but you asked the question so at you as well.

I don’t have children so

OP posts:
Wheresmylist · 24/06/2023 22:46

Does it make a difference if it’s adults and not kids.

I think there’s three adult men next door, two are lodgers. They change so often I’ve no idea who they are. They’ve kicked a ball in and clearly entered my garden to take it out.

Sorry I just feel a bit uncomfortable, I’m a woman who lives alone and I just don’t like the thought of a men wandering into my garden.

OP posts:
JonahAndTheSnail · 24/06/2023 22:49

Not unless they had previously done the same to you and you'd been ok with it.

JudgeAnderson · 24/06/2023 22:49

I wouldn't like that at all. Very different scenario from a small child you've known since they were born. Get a padlock and lock your garden gate from the inside. The balls you can toss back over in your own good time.

TakeMe2Insanity · 24/06/2023 22:50

My neighbours children used to do this to us and even as over 18yo they have on occasion which i hate. My 7yo sees this and thinks it is acceptable which it isn’t. The difference is when i’ve caught my 7 yo in the act i tell him off whereas my neighbours never have (when their kids were young).

LoveBluey · 24/06/2023 22:51

Your update makes it different. People are answering based on their own situations. For me I get on very well with the neighbours, we frequently have bbqs / drinks in each others gardens and we each know the others would have no problem with retrieving a ball.

Your situation is different and no I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 24/06/2023 22:52

Ffs, drip feed. Obviously everyone has assumed it was you going into someone else's garden, your kids' ball blah blah blah.

Put a padlock on your gate and throw back any balls kicked into your garden...or don't, whatever you're more comfortable with. But if you don't pass them back, then expect they may start knocking on your door.

CleverLilViper · 24/06/2023 22:52

Wheresmylist · 24/06/2023 22:46

Does it make a difference if it’s adults and not kids.

I think there’s three adult men next door, two are lodgers. They change so often I’ve no idea who they are. They’ve kicked a ball in and clearly entered my garden to take it out.

Sorry I just feel a bit uncomfortable, I’m a woman who lives alone and I just don’t like the thought of a men wandering into my garden.

No difference at all.

compl unreasonable for them to enter your garden without your permission. You’re within your grounds to feel uncomfortable and I would feel the same.

Jaxhog · 24/06/2023 22:53

Mine used to come in to retrieve their chickens and ducks!! They did ask the first few times though.

redroseroo · 24/06/2023 22:57

Our neighbour's boy did this when we were out, he'd already kicked two balls over and we'd returned them, and within 20 minutes they were back again. We'd only gone out for an hour so we said we'd return them when we got back. Arrived home and the balls were gone. Checked the CCTV and he'd hopped our fence, ran across our newly turfed grass and back along it.

ASimpleLampoon · 24/06/2023 22:59

I live next door to a park so stray balls sometimes come over. I m not happy for kids to come in, but I'll happily return each time as long as its not constant.

If certain kids keep doing it a lot I make them wait a bit until its convenient for me to retrieve, or say I can't find it them throw it back over much later. Then they somehow manage to avoid it happening so often strangely enough.

SquashPenguin · 24/06/2023 23:02

No. We caught the little shit from the house behind ours doing this and ripping the fence panels off in the process. All on camera. His parents were mortified and we’ve never seen them since.

Keha · 24/06/2023 23:03

Okay if you have previously told them it's okay to do it if they need to. We have small children next door, no dog, ball retrieval is frequent. They did ask to begin with but don't expect them to ask now.

user1471453601 · 24/06/2023 23:13

When my neighbours boys (three of them) kicked their football into my patio,at least twice a day, they would go to my door and ask for the ball back. They couldn't access my patio from their garden.

We didnt mind at all. They were nice polite children who were just playing in their own garden.

When they got older, I'd frequently take parcels in for them, I was at home all day, they were working. It never bothered me. They'd ring the door bell, I'd hobble to the door, they'd apologise for putting me to trouble, I'd tell them they were doing no such thing, pretty much the same as I did with their footballs. Really, no problems.

It would have been easier for us if they could access the patio, of course. But it really didn't matter

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