Ideation that girl babies are better than boy babies.

[Supremechicken]

In my family it’s very heavily opinionated that boy babies are an ‘aww better luck next time’ and girl babies are an amazing gift.

My sisters were saying the other day that when they see a gender reveal on Facebook they don’t tend to like or react to the boy ones but the girls they feel excited for.

I don’t really see the difference .

Is there something I’m missing?

Probably nobody.
From the example given you can conclude that a daaughter will generally be closer to her mother than a son.
Why do some posters need so much help.

If you look at the threads here, it's an endless stream of women saying MIL is in the way, I want my own mum with me, why can't she understand I want MY family etc...
They never seem to realise it's that MILs family in the exact same way it's their own mothers.
It's all 'my family/my baby' excluding the fathers family & seeing a child as coming into the mothers family.

Mothers who only have sons are more likely to be pushed to the outside of the next generation than mothers of daughters.

Not true for everyone, but it does seem to me that the people I knew who had girls are still centred in their families now the next generation are now old enough to have kids of their own, while the ones who had sons are expected to back off & leave it to the DILs family.

Men tend to have more passive relationships with their families when they are older.
If they are close with their parents, their girlfriends/wives seem to be on here calling them 'mummys boy/tied to her apron strings' etc.. or saying they wouldn't stand for their OH giving their mother time they see as belonging to them.

I love my sons, I was never disappointed to have boys, but I know most women won't leave room in the next generations lives for anyone they aren't related to by blood to matter.

I even remember feeling the same when my first was born & it never occurred to me that I was shutting out a woman whose 'crime' was to be the mother of a son.

In real life I see it played out every single day, backed up on here.

If I'm having a really bad day, sometimes I do wish I'd had a girl, so that one day they'd be in a relationship without it costing me my relationship with my own child.

limetta tamponi.

Bought in all the nice Rome bars.

I'd probably order one.

@SleepingStandingUp no I am not. I obviously don’t hate all men, that would be ridiculous. But on balance, men are more aggressive and I just don’t think male domination has been good for the world. Hence, personally I’d rather raise a strong girl/ woman.

Well at least your kids aren't being raised with one parent being put down as inferior to the other.

Not from a farming community but both my father and DH’s dad were very chuffed about having grandsons. My dad always wanted a boy (heard this all my life and were going to try for a third but mum’s always had pre-eclampsia and had to deliver early, both my sister and I were two months early) and FIL said he would have preferred all boys, he has 3 children and the second is a girl.

Both DH and I are from different countries and cultures. It irked me how happy my father was to finally have “his boy”.

I was happy but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried since I grew up with very few male cousins my age and most of my interactions with boys outside of family were mostly negative throughout my childhood and teens years. All of my bullies were male (except one girl in year 12 and only had to deal with her for four months) and watching them get away with it and having to deal with the “boys will be boys” and “they bully you because they like you” because having your looks constantly ridiculed to the point that you can’t look at yourself in pictures and only take them if you have to including your own wedding photos is just wonderful. Been married 10 years and I’ve seen only a handful of wedding photos. It took decades for me to be ok with looking at pictures of myself and being comfortable to take them.

I remind myself constantly that despite that, I have a chance to raise boys like the handful of ones that treated me nicely and I could call friends and to make sure they didn’t turn out like the ones that bullied me.

Oh bless you. I PROMISE you, be a good mum and MIL and you won't be pushed out.

It hasn't happened to me - I am so close to my son and DIL. It didn't happen to my mum who is so close to my brother. It didn't happen to my amazing MIL who had two sons and no daughters.

It's all down to relationships not the sex of your offspring. I honestly speak from a lifetime to experience that you really don't need to worry about this.

Yes it’s gender disappointment. Pretty sad really. Any woman who can carry & deliver a healthy baby should be grateful. It’s not possible for every woman. I have 2, trying for another. I’m grateful for a healthy baby regardless of gender.

I have heard of this but honestly noone close to me thinks/says it.

i don’t think you can blame farming necessarily, my oh is a farmer and would have been delighted with a girl.
whereas I’m scared to have another, I’d just love another boy but a girl would change our family so much.

i don’t think you can blame farming necessarily

Can't see how it's even relevant - plenty of female farmers round here.

My friends are also like this. I do think it’s to do with adult relationships further down the line rather than anything about girl babies being more loveable or more interesting than boy babies.

GilChesterton · Today 22:24
i don’t think you can blame farming necessarily

Can't see how it's even relevant - plenty of female farmers round here.

absolutely! One of our best friends is an inspirational female farmer and I think that was my husbands thoughts 😂 he
would love a little girl (obviously not a minority going by these posts)

I couldn't have cared less whether I had boys or girls.

People who have such strong anti feelings for one sex or the other, don't deserve to have children. There is something really screwed over about them.

This thread is bizarre and eye opening. Especially when you consider there is no difference between looking after a baby boy and a baby girl! Most times people can’t even tell them apart.

We need to raise our sons to be decent men. I am lucky in that I know loads of lovely ‘non-alpha types’ who are great husbands and dads. My son has been raised to be a sincere and kind young man with integrity and respect for everyone, including women of course. He is not alone. My daughter has been raised to be decent but also to assert herself and expect equality. We all need to do this with our boys and our girls. Only then will we escape sexism, stereotyping and male aggression.

Anyway I have a 19y boy and 20y girl. The girl has given me far more stress and sleepless nights than the boy. I am closer to him and he truly understands me; he also brings me such fun and joy. I cannot imagine having two girls now.

Like it or not, need both sexes for the propagation of the human race. We just need to raise decent young men who won’t repeat the mistakes of previous generations.

Also a lot of pressure on daughters to grow up to be somehow good friends and support for mothers. No wonder mother daughter relationships are at times fraught.

"Why would you bring a child into the world knowing there was a 5p/50 chance you'd he unhappy his entire life and that this would taint his entire life? Are you intending to keep on with this experiment of having kids you have a good chance of not liking?

"
Your last two lines contradict each other, if you love them that much you likely would be happy after all with a baby boy. He’s not someone else’s he’s yours"

And others that may have quoted me. I can't read all the replies , sorry. I agree its not nice that I feel like this. I am sure I would have loved the child regardless of its sex. That's how mother nature works anyway. Ive had several friends tell me they longed for a girl, but when their son was born, they didnt want anyone else. I was desperate for a healthy baby, but had a partiality towards having a girl. If I was given a choice between a healthy boy or a healthy girl, I'd choose a healthy girl. I didnt realise this , but my dh had also had a partiality towards a little girl. There is always a chance that you may get pregnant only once, and if I had only one chance at having either a boy or a girl , I'd prefer a girl. When I said I wouldn't have been happy if I had a boy, what I actually meant was, if I was told by the midwives that I was having a baby boy, i suspect my heart would have sunk a little at that moment, doesn't mean I wouldn't have loved my boy.

I’m with you 100% as I have two boys who I love dearly and I am so pleased to have two healthy babies after many losses. There is definitely a bit of an ‘oh well never mind’ and it really grates on me how excited my female friends get when someone is having a girl. I feel defensive over my boys, which I know is a bit silly but sometimes feel like saying ‘boys are lovely too you know!’

. No wonder mother daughter relationships are at times fraught.

Father/son relationships are often no picnic either. There's part of me think it does people good to have a child the opposite sex from them, to force them to have a different perspective. Maybe that's a load of rubbish though.

I'm a loan mother of a boy.

When I was pregnant I didn't really care, I just wanted a healthy baby. But late DH did want a boy, but not in that he'd be disappointed to have a girl, his preference was just boy. He would have loved a DD the same way as he loved DS.

So I suppose I understand having a preference, but I don't understand valuing one sex above the other, that's just odd.

Being a loan boy mum though is tricky, especially when he was younger as I couldn't let a 4/5 year old go into the men's toilet alone, but he was at an age where he hated going in the women's because "I'm a boy". He's 9 now, and still there are the odd issues like if there isn't a family changing room at the swimming pool I do get nervous sending him into the males on his own. Toilets I'm ok with.

Also activities and play, like I really am not a fan of pretending to be a ninja or climbing trees, but hey ho needs must and I have to channel my inner ninja lol but there's nothing to say I couldn't have ended up with a girl who liked to climb trees or play ninja, so it's all hypothetical anyway.

Exactly this. I seem to know a disproportionate number of mothers of girls (I have one of each). They're constantly saying things like "Thank God, I have girls", "such a relief not to have a boy","I cried with happiness when I found out I was having a girl". It really pisses me off - makes me think they must see my wonderful son as second best.

Why?

I think this depends on how the different sexes are raised. In white-British culture it seems only girls are socialised - which is why when women have babies the burdon of maintaining relationships is on them in their entirety. Based on this of course they will choose the easiest family relationship to maintain (usually theirs) in the months after having a baby.

In Indian, East Asian, Arab and African families boys are socialised too. They are expected to maintain family relationships just as women are & you often see an equalisation.