Ideation that girl babies are better than boy babies.

[Supremechicken]

In my family it’s very heavily opinionated that boy babies are an ‘aww better luck next time’ and girl babies are an amazing gift.

My sisters were saying the other day that when they see a gender reveal on Facebook they don’t tend to like or react to the boy ones but the girls they feel excited for.

I don’t really see the difference .

Is there something I’m missing?

I get that, I have a son who doesn't fit the boy mould and it doesn't matter how much we don't care, people do.

But at least you try and bring them up with some freedom of expression

Totally - you have to let them find their own interests (and hope they might share some of yours!) but the outside influences they face often push them down quite narrow tracks. All you can do is try your best.

Wow! To have a baby is a wonderful thing. The sex doesn’t matter at all!

I have one of each and love them both equally!

Well if you are the type of woman sticking limes up your foof and abstaining from sex for weeks for the sake of a girl it might explain why the relationship might be more stressful lol. I'll happily stick with my stress free marriage and lovely sons

yeah that’s all lovely and cool @Holihobbies you do you, but you really shouldn’t post misinformation and state it as fact. That’s Trumpian territory. Any lie to win an argument

This exactly!

😂😂

Gender disappointment is a real thing.
I never understood it especially after my miscarriage I just wanted a healthy baby. Then when I fell pregnant again and our gender scan was coming up - I felt anxiety that the scan would show a girl. Me and DH really wanted a son deep down and had his name picked out, I imagined myself with a boy since I was a teen. I cried the night before a scan wondering how I’ll feel if we have a girl, of course I’d love her to bits just as much as a boy. Our scan revealed we were having a boy and he is here now and we are in love!
I would say that some people have a preference for girls and some for boys. It was 50/50 in our friendship group for preference. My DM was hoping I’d have a girl and my MIL hoped we was having a boy. DM adores him and says he is the best thing to happen to her. From my experience it’s very divided on which sex is preferenced.

Some of the comments on this thread are a bit nasty though.

It hasn't happened to me - I am so close to my son and DIL. It didn't happen to my mum who is so close to my brother. It didn't happen to my amazing MIL who had two sons and no daughters.

It's all down to relationships not the sex of your offspring. I honestly speak from a lifetime to experience that you really don't need to worry about this
Echoing this but from the other side.
I have a wonderful MIL and we have a great relationship.

I always wonder if there's a large overlap between the people wailing about having a baby boy and the people who view their MIL/DIL as some sort of competition. It's a certain type of mindset that seems very similar to the "pick me" behaviours that come up in the dating scene.

There's lots of people out there who just want to have happy babies, drop the sexist stereotyping of children and don't view their in laws as weird competition to get one up on.

Honestly, this saying is why I'm sad I got a boy rather than a girl.

I love him to pieces, but very aware once he's grown and established his own life, if he goes down the standard married to a wife with kids, I'll be the second tier MIL.

I know nobody who has a good relationship with their MIL side - but everyone I know has a fantastic relationship with their own parents side. I'll be sad that I'm going to be the 'once a month scheduled visit' and not the 'basically live there' grandmother (if he has kids - obviously he may not).

It's 100% Unreasonable for me - and I'd never say it to my son or in front of him - but it's just always been a worry.

Nailed it! 👆

This definitely isn't how it is in our family.
We visit mine 3 times a year and PIL every weekend. We go on days out and weekends away with them a few times a year. They help us out with childcare in the school holidays sometimes and the kids have a brilliant relationship with them.

What does 'ideation' mean? Is it idea?

Kinda

What does 'ideation' mean? Is it idea?

I've only heard it used in psychological/mental health contexts (e.g. suicidal ideation). I don't think it's really the right word in the thread title. What's wrong with 'opinion'?

A saying is just a saying, doesn't make it true at all. My brothers were just as close to my mum as I were both growing up and as adults.

Same with my partner and his mum, they are extremely close and she has as much involvement with our kids as my mum did.

I personally don't know of many adult males who are not close to their mum, loved and cared for just the same as a daughter does!

IMO preference for a girl is a relatively recent thing - that is if it really is a thing.
A few decades ago it was more common for people to say e.g. ‘Never mind, you can always try again’ if you had a second girl. Certainly it was in various other cultures, not all Asian either. Dh bought me a lovely ring right after the birth of dd2 - I’d never had an engagement ring - and a Greek Cypriot neighbour said, ‘You got that for a GIRL?’
This was back in the 80s though.

I think a lot of women want a daughter. I don’t know anyone in real life who has had 2 or 3 boys and hasn’t confessed to being secretly gutted that they didn’t have a girl.

Within my circle of family and friends, it is absolutely true that the mothers of daughters are favoured over the mothers of sons (MILs). Even my sister who has one of each, when she was pregnant with her third, really hoped it would be a girl.

It’s interesting that, even on this thread, those that are almost rabidly defending having boys and lambasting those who express gender disappointment, are those who only have boys themselves.

The world over it is skewed the other way and boys are preferred. Your family are idiots and I'd shut down those types of jokes. I've had a lot of girls are bitchy, cost more, teenage years are harder and whatever else. I don't have patience with ignorant people and as I'm getting older have perfected my looks of disdain. I have girl, boy, girl and am happy with my lot.

@MRSDoos
i could have written this word
for word, even down to the bit where my mum really wanted me to have a girl.
I don’t think my MIL was bothered either way though.
I don’t know why I wanted a boy I just did, I’d always pictured him as a boy and we also had his name picked out.
also I get on well with my mil, probably a less complicated relationship than with my own mother.

@LooseGoosey well obviously mothers of only boys are going to be the ones defending not being disappointed in having a boy or boys!!

I always wanted 2 children, my second child, my second son, completed our perfect little family and can categorically confirm I was not gutted to not have a girl, of course, I would have been just as thrilled if I had a girl as I would with a boy.

Seems to be parents of girls who think us boy parents must be disappointed, absolutely not, I love my boys more than anything and would never change what I have for anything!

^*Honestly, this saying is why I'm sad I got a boy rather than a girl.

I love him to pieces, but very aware once he's grown and established his own life, if he goes down the standard married to a wife with kids, I'll be the second tier MIL.

I know nobody who has a good relationship with their MIL side - but everyone I know has a fantastic relationship with their own parents side. I'll be sad that I'm going to be the 'once a month scheduled visit' and not the 'basically live there' grandmother (if he has kids - obviously he may not).

It's 100% Unreasonable for me - and I'd never say it to my son or in front of him - but it's just always been a worry.*^

@snoopybus

Please don't let this worry ruin your time with your gorgeous little boy. I have a now adult son and I feel so incredibly blessed. He is loving, kind and amazingly good fun. I see him and his family all the time. I adore my DDIL and we get on like a house on fire - we are great friends and love nothing more than a good chat over a bottle of wine.

I often babysit for them but also go on days out with them and they head over to ours whenever they can't be bothered to cook (a lot) 😂❤️

I also have an adult DD with her own family and I can honestly say I see just as much of my son and his family as my daughter. I am as close to them and feel as valued by them.

In some ways the relationship with my DDIL is more straight forward than with my DD. I still find it hard sometimes to not step into the mother role and start telling my DD what I think she should do. I know she hates it and inwardly rolls her eyes. On the other hand sometimes she seeks it out and I never quite know whether it's the right time to give advice or bite my tongue! With my DDIL it's much more straight forward. I'm her friend and practical support and her children's granny. I don't have to bite my tongue as I don't have the urge to tell her what to do! 😂 I know she gets frustrated with her own beloved mum as she's told me 😂- not that I'd ever tell anyone else that - she has my confidence.

@Wheelz46 I have a DS and now pregnant with a DD. I would have been disappointed had this second baby been a boy. I think it’s natural to want one of each, or to want a girl as most women can probably more closely identify with girls.

I didn’t say all boy mums are disappointed they only have boys, I said a lot. I know several women who only have boys and all of them, without exception, are gutted they didn’t have a girl. They only confess this in private conversations. Within my circle, I also know of people who only go for a third child because they want a girl too.

I always wonder if there's a large overlap between the people wailing about having a baby boy and the people who view their MIL/DIL as some sort of competition. It's a certain type of mindset that seems very similar to the "pick me" behaviours that come up in the dating scene

@LolaSmiles that’s an incredibly misogynistic stance to take. Women don’t hate other women. That’s a narrative men used for years to try and diminish women as just fighting for their attention. Try harder.

Haha well in Dh side and mine all babies for this generation are boys. A totally wonderful gang of boys of varying interests and personalities but I bet if anyone has a girl we will all be excited for the novelty value