Ideation that girl babies are better than boy babies.

[Supremechicken]

In my family it’s very heavily opinionated that boy babies are an ‘aww better luck next time’ and girl babies are an amazing gift.

My sisters were saying the other day that when they see a gender reveal on Facebook they don’t tend to like or react to the boy ones but the girls they feel excited for.

I don’t really see the difference .

Is there something I’m missing?

When I informed family I was pregnant I had number of messages along the lines of congratulations wishing you a happy heathy boy

it wasn’t a typo for baby

Protect your child from these ideas OP.

Gender disappointment is a thing, and should be acknowledged but it should also be explored and challenged, because the genitals a person is born with don't make them who they are.

I have three children, all them.

I didn't have a preference in sex with DC1 and we had a beautiful DS. He became very poorly and died when he was still a young baby.

Pregnant with DC2 and I hoped we'd have another boy because I wanted the chance to raise a little boy like we should have been doing. We had our wonderful DD and I was a bit disappointed for about a moment but I soon realised that it didn't matter. She was her own person, a second son also would have been his own person. It has been a privilege raising DD.

When I was pregnant with DC3 I once again didn't mind either way, someone expressed to me they hoped we had another son to make up for not having DS1 here but I knew it didn't matter because another son wouldn't be DS1, he was irreplaceable. This baby would be whoever they were. As it was, we did have another son and I love him to bits because he is him, not because he's another boy. Once again it is an absolute privilege being his mother.

All three of my children are uniquely them and so different to each other, and all absolutely wonderful. My girl has some typically "girly" traits and interests and some more "boyish" ones- because she's a unique individual. DS1 was a calm, easy going baby and so is DS2, I don't think this is because they're both boys but just chance of genetics (DD is a bit of a live wire!) Both DS's are also quite different to each other too, despite both being calm they have a different energy.

And for those trotting out gendered stereotypes, so much of it is learned because we live in such a heavily gendered society.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and birth OP, your baby will be absolutely wonderful whoever they are.

@Shinier
There is growing research that shows women are much more aggressive (including aggression towards other women) than had previously been thought.
https://www.swansea.ac.uk/press-office/news-events/news/2023/02/new-research-shows-female-selfie-posting-can-be-driven-by-aggression.php

So why do you treat your in laws as second rate family?

Because all the GD is about having boys, those little abusive thugs who will ruin women's lives, then have kids 1 and keep them from you whilst abusing his wife. There's no GD about little girls unless it's about "would have been nice to have variety"

I know nobody who has a good relationship with their MIL side - but everyone I know has a fantastic relationship with their own parents side

I've always found it to be the other way round - in-laws are often very grateful you've taken their little darling off their hands! :)

@Surprisedbysummer have you actually read that? It doesn’t say women are more competitive amongst themselves it says they are more aggressive generally than thought. It’s nothing to do with competing for men’s attention.

ffs even when someone says they’d love to bring up a girl people are posting it’s because they’re competitive with their MIL. So many women perpetuate misogyny.

Thankfully I married an adult, so I wasn't taking him off anyone's hands

I totally agree with you.
I've been thrilled to bits every time I've been told I'm having a boy, equally so as when I've been told I'm having a girl.
Unfortunately all the birth boards I've been on (I have 9 kids, so lots of birth boards and experience with this) are full of 'gender disappointment' posts over finding out they're having boys.

I have to really bite my tongue to not tell them all that babies aren't all about being able to dress them in frills and bows and pretty dresses.
Gets on my bloody nerves.

They're babies, not dolls.

Did YOU read Summers comments? They didn't mention competitiveness or men. It said women are much more aggressive (including aggression towards other women) than had previously been thought which is what you've said but whilst trying to pretend Summer didn't fgs.

@TempName247 not in the west or developed countries

I dont deliberately but my DH has a dreadful relationship with his mother for reasons im not going to stick on the internet, so rarely wants to see her despite me pushing for it (even though I'm not a fan myself)

I was incredibly fair with my MIL in most aspects, both my MIL and DM signed our wedding register, my MIL actually saw the baby first, I don't alternative Christmases- I invite both each year.

However I naturally go to my parents more as they're my parents, so I saw my mom almost daily on mat leave where as my MIL only saw our son a handful of times because he doesn't organise to visit unless I nag.

Not that I have to explain my reasoning to a random on the Internet.

I experienced this myself when I found out I was expecting a boy.
A few people were disappointed for me that is wasn't a girl.
After my 2nd boy I had a few comments about trying for a girl next.
Still feel a bit pissed off about it tbh.

My mum and MIL see my children equally and my husband and I speak to our mothers equally, both are included in everything to do with our lives and their grandchildren.

I was delighted to have a son but was open to either and now I’m pregnant again we won’t be finding out gender as we could care less, we just hope for a healthy baby this time.

To be so wrapped up in gender shows me people really need to get a grip and realise how much can go wrong in pregnancy and childbirth and even after. If you walk away with a healthy child of any gender be grateful!! I promise you if your baby was fighting for their life in the NICU or stillborn you wouldn’t care about gender and some people on this thread seriously need some perspective. Or just don’t have children if you can’t cope with the 50% chance it ‘won’t be what you want.’

My sisters both have girls through lime tampons and husbands abstaining for several weeks to lower sperm count.

What did they say about the UTIs?

@Tophy124 you’re referring to sex not gender.

Did YOU read Summers comments? They didn't mention competitiveness or men. It said women are much more aggressive (including aggression towards other women) than had previously been thought which is what you've said but whilst trying to pretend Summer didn't fgs.

hello @SleepingStandingUp! You’ve not quite grasped this. Summers was defending the idea that women don’t want baby boys because they’re in competition with their MiL. I said this was misogynistic. They responded with this article to back it up. It doesn’t. H2h

I have girls and have been asked on plenty of occasions whether I will be trying for a boy.

I’ve had the gasp of ‘oooh, girls are hard work/expensive - bet you wished you had boys’

I got pregnant to have a family and really wasn’t bothered either way and neither were our relatives.

People don’t think before they speak - I’d ignore them.

@Shinier
Err no I didn't say that. I think you are making things up. Check back at my post.
I also think it is passive aggressive of you to try to speak FOR ME and add H2H as an added insult.
Although your comments rather support the Swansea Uni Research on female aggression.

Personally I think the luckiest mothers are the ones who have the opportunity to raise both sexes. I’m lucky enough to have sons and a daughter. I get the preference for daughters (I really wanted a daughter myself) but I think it’s a bit pathetic when people go over the top with it.

I also cringe when you hear mothers of only girls slating boys. Like, come on, you can’t even comment because you simply haven’t got the experience of having a son. You are speaking from a place of ‘unknowing’ and ignorance.

Like I said, it’s the mothers who raise both sons and daughters who are the most fortunate in my opinion.

This has to take the biscuit for one of the most bizarre posts I’ve ever seen on MN. Just wow.

I think @Shinier has daughters. Goodness knows what she'd have done if they'd been boys or how she'll reach of her daughters get male partners and have sons. Perhaps disowned for letting down feminism.

@Avondale89 @Shinier you don’t need to attack me a call me a nutter because I have a different opinion to you. I think it’s a pretty wide held view that alpha male patriarchal led society hasn’t exactly worked. Lots of men agree too. I’m sorry if you think this threatens your little boys.

@Surprisedbysummer you’ve misunderstood. I’m not speaking for you. Why would you think that? I’ve no idea who you are? This is just a bizarre convo right now