To be irritated with friends views on men?

[Bluey124]

Friend has a 1 Yr old and is considering childcare options. She has decided to go for a childminder rather than a nanny because she feels it's the 'safer' option. When I asked why she explained that DH would be the one seeing the nanny as her job keeps weird hours and also that he would be the one communicating with her about hours etc and she 'didn't want to take the risk as given the opportunity most men will cheat and this is a perfect opportunity for something like this to happen.'
I said that's ridiculous and I know for a fact my partner would never cheat and she just laughed and said something patronising like 'Oh, bless you.'
Aibu to think her view is ridiculous and that most men are decent and don't cheat?

I mean, I trust my husband implicitly, but I’m not sure I would be actively encouraging a situation where he would be spending time regularly around a woman at weird hours with me not there.

as for you “knowing for a fact” that your partner would never cheat.. I used the feel the same about my ex H, until he did. We are all human at the end of the day

I used to trust my husband implicitly until he cheated and lied. 20 year marriage. I don't trust anyone now. Lot of my friends the same.

I think you both represent two extremes of one view. She seems to think the very vast majority have cheated or would cheat, whereas you seem to think it's a very small minority. I'm not sure I agree with either of you.

Also, you can't know "for a fact" that anyone would never do anything. You can't know "for a fact" that your partner would never kill anyone. Given the right circumstances, humans are capable of pretty much anything. With that in mind, your comment does come across a bit naive.

Nah, I'm with her. I don't think we can know anything for a fact. I wouldn't encourage a situation where I made it easier for someone to cheat.

I dont know why you’re judging the decision she’s made for her family and husband, based on your opinion about your family and husband.
the two are completely unrelated.

i don’t think all men would cheat given the opportunity, I trust DH not to cheat, or I wouldn’t have married him. But i don’t think that makes it impossible either. I don’t imagine many people enter relationships and marriages assuming their husband will cheat, but obviously lots do.

Agree with PPs.

I also never thought my XH would cheat until he did. 20 years of marriage has taught me that you can't ever know someone fully.

I trust my husband, but if he were going to cheat then he'd do it with someone regardless of whether or not we had a nanny. Childcare choices should be based on what works best for the child and facilitates the family in taking part in the activities they need to, not ensuring your husband has less women around.

No one thinks their husband will cheat, but you cannot know that for a fact. You sound naive, she sounds like she’s had her fingers burnt before.

She obviously knows her husband is a flight risk. But instead of not being in a relationship where she takes cheating as an almost certain possibility, she's decided to try and manage their lives so cheating isn't made as easy.

If you are secure and trusting in your marriage then just brush off her comments.

I have to admit she seems insane but then you sound odd too, is this genuine?

I mean, if I had a fit DH, you bet I would eliminate cute younger nannies and pick A Nanny McPhee granny type of Nanny, an older decent like

Don't let wolves protect your flock of sheep and all that 😹

Where I used to work basically all the men were cheating on their wives - bit of a shock! I really do trust my DH though, he isn't like those men. More do cheat than some of us realise though I suspect

I adore and love my husband but I would never trust a man implicitly, I’d be fucking fool to do so;- 2nd marriage, life under our belt and lessons learnt.

This is the one thing I like about heartbreak, it makes you much wiser 😉

I totally agree with this. Life isnt black and white like this- its not either all men cheat or they never will.

Lots of people in this thread were 100% certain their husbands wouldnt cheat UNTIL THEY DID.

100 %

She knows her husband better than you. Maybe he's already cheated.

She can think what she likes, can't she? Her worldview isn't your problem. The 'bless you' attitude is the only problem here. Is she regularly patronising? Does she generally think she knows better? If not, perhaps just quietly agree to disagree.

YABU and naive, most men are complete toss pots in one way or another.

Her husband is a cheater.

She’s entitled to her opinion as you are yours. Maybe her husband has already cheated which impacts her views. But you can’t ‘know’ your husband would ‘never’ cheat, that is extremely naive.

I trust my husband as much as I can (99%) but I would never, ever trust anyone 100%. Ive seen too many people get screwed over and cheated on by men you wouldnt think in a thousand years would ever do such a thing. These women were blindsided- their marriages werent falling apart and they genuinely thought they were happy. I also wouldnt trust myself 100%- if my marriage was going through a rocky patch and someone else was on the horizon who showed an interest who I was very attracted to, I accept that there might be circumstances when I might be tempted to cheat myself. I would hope I wouldnt do it but until you are in that situation you really dont know.

I had a friend who only employed ugly nannies for this reason. She was quite odd though.

Even your DH can't 'know for a fact' that he won't cheat.
We should all remember that we are vulnerable to transgressions if we ever find ourselves in a position where our boundaries falter for some reason, whether we are not ourselves through having a tough time or whatever. While some people are not remotely trustworthy and others are very very trustworthy, even those who are can act out of character sometimes.
Therefore it is not a bad thing to acknowledge that, because if you remember our human frailties are natural and universal then you stand a better chance of avoiding sleep walking into developing inappropriate feelings.
I think your friend is being prudent as well as being cynical.... but not crazy.

Hahaha odd but brilliant

Agree.
Temptation is one thing, acting on it is another, but there is a tipping point between those things which can be a tricky line to spot until it's crossed so not a bad thing to stay well away from the line - maybe your friend is just being pragmatic and taking that approach.
I fundamentally disagree with 'all men cheat' though. The vast majority of men I know would not be at all inclined to do so but (like the analogy a pp gave), like murder, anyone can if the situation is right).