To be irritated with friends views on men?

[Bluey124]

Friend has a 1 Yr old and is considering childcare options. She has decided to go for a childminder rather than a nanny because she feels it's the 'safer' option. When I asked why she explained that DH would be the one seeing the nanny as her job keeps weird hours and also that he would be the one communicating with her about hours etc and she 'didn't want to take the risk as given the opportunity most men will cheat and this is a perfect opportunity for something like this to happen.'
I said that's ridiculous and I know for a fact my partner would never cheat and she just laughed and said something patronising like 'Oh, bless you.'
Aibu to think her view is ridiculous and that most men are decent and don't cheat?

I just think why would you put your partner in a position where possibly someone with a totally different ethic could have free run.
Totally trust my husband, totally know others I don't trust not to actively go after what the can't have.

I just think if he wants to shag someone else, then fire away! I’m not going to moderate my behaviour / choices. I would never check my DH phone, computer, anything. Not my fault if he wants to cheat.

I guess I do want our relationship to last and so I wouldn't do anything to put it in harm's way iykwim?

Actually, OP, our childminder turned out to be shagging DS’s primary school class teacher, whose reception-age child was also looked after by her before and after school — both married, small village, bit of a mess, now both divorced and living together.

I don't think all men would cheat given the opportunity.

I do however think a significant majority of men would.

Studies show that something like 60% of men have been unfaithful. Opportunities arent that plentiful even for most single guys, let alone ones in relationships. So on gut feel I think it must be c. 80% who would?

So I don't think she's correct, but I think she's closer to the reality than you are.

And basic human nature means something like 75% of women will believe their DH to be in the 20% who wouldn't cheat.

I know my husband hasn't chested and he now doesn't go anywhere long enough without me as he's retired.

wheresmymojo
I also think that people might have cheated in previous relationships but not in their current one. People can make mistakes in one situation and not repeat them in a different situation.

It must be suffocating being in a relationship for those people who seem utterly paranoid living every day believing that their DP/DH/DW is going to cheat at the first opportunity. I don't get why anyone would bother being Inna relationship if they think the only way the relationship will survive is to police who their partner or spouse comes into contact with.

Most of my working life was spent in female orientated environments and I'd say the idea that 'I do however think a significant majority of men would.' also applies to women.
Bed hoping and ons at office parties and events was common.

Even if it were true that all men will cheat (which I don't think it is) has your friend considered that an attractive young nanny will almost certainly have zero interest in her husband? I strongly doubt he's the irresistible catch your friend seems to think he is.

If she wants to believe that all men will cheat given the chance, that's up to her. She's entitled to hold that view. However, think the part that's irritating is the fact she assumes she is correct and then patronised you. lt also sounds as if she wants other women to be as insecure as she is, because that makes her feel as if her own jealousy/distrust re. her husband is normal.

Nobody can ever be 100% certain what another person might do, even if they know that person really well, so ultimately we all have to take it on trust, and I definitely, definitely trust my DP not to cheat. If I didn't trust him, we wouldn't be together. I couldn't be happy in a relationship if I had so little trust in my partner. If I thought all men would cheat given the chance, I'd honestly have chosen to stay single all my life.

FWIW, I've certainly had conversations with male friends and colleagues about this kind of thing, and their views and feelings about the subject differ wildly. I used to regularly go out with a group of colleagues in a past job and one of them openly admitted to cheating on his wife and defended himself by saying all men would do the same, and one of the other men in the group had a proper go at him and 'No they wouldn't, so don't use the rest of us as your excuse to treat your wife like shit'. And my brother (who's single) was moaning the last time I saw him about someone he works with who has been boasting about cheating on his wife. My brother said 'Obviously I can't tell him not to cheat on his wife, because it's none of my business, but I did tell him he'd make a big mistake in thinking I'd be congratulating about it when I actually think he's being a disgusting human being.'

Sorry that is naive. Some young women are attracted by older men who they perceive as high status and wealthy compared to their peer group so I wouldn’t rely on that…

Most of my working life was spent in female orientated environments and I'd say the idea that 'I do however think a significant majority of men would.'also applies to women.
Bed hoping and ons at office parties and events was common.

Bizarrely the subject of cheating came up at work the other day and one of the men who had previously worked in a very male dominated environment said he never realised how much (his words not mine) shagging around went on until he worked in retail. He assumed that when his previous work mates went on about cheating a lot of it was just talk, men trying to big themselves up.
But this does go to show it isn't just a man thing because the women who the blokes are cheating with are either married themselves or happy to be the OW because there is no question of them not knowing the men are married and there is no question of older bosses taking advantage of younger colleagues. It is right across the board.

That's the thing most of the time it's easy to say the men should know better, but then when it's also the women as well that are willing to have affairs it's like??????