To be irritated with friends views on men?

[Bluey124]

Friend has a 1 Yr old and is considering childcare options. She has decided to go for a childminder rather than a nanny because she feels it's the 'safer' option. When I asked why she explained that DH would be the one seeing the nanny as her job keeps weird hours and also that he would be the one communicating with her about hours etc and she 'didn't want to take the risk as given the opportunity most men will cheat and this is a perfect opportunity for something like this to happen.'
I said that's ridiculous and I know for a fact my partner would never cheat and she just laughed and said something patronising like 'Oh, bless you.'
Aibu to think her view is ridiculous and that most men are decent and don't cheat?

Why did she marry him if she doesn't trust him?

In my time on tinder, I can confirm there are a FUCK load of men with 'married, looking for discreet no strings attached sex' on their profile. Loads. No photo, or body only. Or come on at 11pm at night, with photo, which is gone the next day. LOADS.

Or - quite often 'hi, I'm in London on business from LA from x date to x date, any girl around for some fun?'

Yeah nobody can be 100% certain that their partner won't cheat. That said I wouldn't be going around making as difficult as possible to prevent it. And honestly I know a fair few ow and can't think of one that was duped by a man pretending to be single when the cheating happened so don't think it's just a man thing.

This op

Nah. I wouldn't do this. Frankly, the prettier the nanny, the more likely it is she'll tell him to jog on. 😂

Unless she has self esteem issues, then telling the 'predator' to jog on is not in the script

YABU - you don't know their relationship history.

Also men are more likely to have dark triad traits. There is research on it.

What are dark triad traits

Narcissism, psychopathy, machiavellianism.

Just ask Gwen Stefani and Sienna Miller.

And Carrie Johnson.

@Bluey124

Sorry, but you absolutely do not know for a fact that your partner would never cheat. No woman should ever claim this, as it's unrealistic.

I agree with this too. I have met men (whilst married) and it felt like a lightning bolt of attraction and it was obvious it was mutual. I cant even explain it, it was just like some primal, raw, animal attraction and I really couldnt even identify the specific reason why, it was just there and completely unexpected. As soon as a I recognised I was feeling this way, I limited seeing them as I dont want to be a cheater and I have never cheated on anyone in my life. However, I have no idea what I would have done if I had been forced through work to spend lots of close time with them or had to spend overnight work trips with them and things were rocky at home etc. There is a space in between feeling and action where you need to choose what path you are going to take and recognise the full consequences of what your actions might be down the line and that is what always pulled me back from doing anything like that.

Really?!

Such a shame that some people feel this way.

It's a cliche for a reason OP! Like a young attractive secretary. Just no!

You both hold extreme positions in my opinion.

She's overbearing and uptight. If she seriously thinks her husband is going to trip and fall into bed with a woman the second her back is turned, she probably needs to leave the relationship and it doesn't sound like a secure relationship.

Equally you sound a bit naive with the i know for sure my husband would never cheat on me. Plenty of women thought the same, until it happens to them.

Really a childcare decision needs to be made in the best interests of the children, not worrying about whether an adult is going to shag someone else.

But I don't want to spent my time with men with dark triad traits. How do I figure this out before it's too late?

Yep- plenty of examples of men who have cheated with women much less conventionally attractive than their partners - Arnie, Hugh grant, Jesse James, King Charles, Shania Twain's ex etc etc

It's not their faces they are interested in

😹 This is why I suggested hiring grannies!!

Old enough now to have seen a few friends ditched for a younger, more compliant model. TBH the warning signs are usually there - they have cheated in the past, or are flirtatious, or cheated with their current partner - but you just never know.

although she obviously could have told him to fuck off, but she didn't

^^

Quite!

I mean, I get what she means 🤷🏼‍♀️ I trust my partner as much as I can, but I'm also not naive and nobody can ever say they're 100% sure.