To be irritated with friends views on men?

[Bluey124]

Friend has a 1 Yr old and is considering childcare options. She has decided to go for a childminder rather than a nanny because she feels it's the 'safer' option. When I asked why she explained that DH would be the one seeing the nanny as her job keeps weird hours and also that he would be the one communicating with her about hours etc and she 'didn't want to take the risk as given the opportunity most men will cheat and this is a perfect opportunity for something like this to happen.'
I said that's ridiculous and I know for a fact my partner would never cheat and she just laughed and said something patronising like 'Oh, bless you.'
Aibu to think her view is ridiculous and that most men are decent and don't cheat?

People are people, most of us are flawed.

Women are often attracted to these men. Bad behaviour gets rewarded.

So same traits are in women as well as men

This exactly

Is it reliable research?

This. Quite a bold statement to say you know for a fact! No one can ever know for a fact. (happily married and like PP trust DH as much as anyone I have ever trusted before and can in another human but you cannot be 100%, ever.)

Don't be so naive! Most men would cheat given the opportunity. Also I used to work for a company for people looking for sex/affairs/relationships and most of the men using it were married, and a lot of old men (loving grandfathers and husbands) wanted the women girls (18/19/20 year olds), and really thought these young women would want them. Men are gross (mostly)

I don't believe all men cheat, no. I do think pretty much anyone can end up in a situation where they do cheat.

I feel it is my responsibility to ensure I don't end up in such a set of circumstances, and I feel it's my husbands job to make sure he doesn't.

I have no interest in being with someone who is only faithful because I've diligently restricted his access to any attractive women. If he wants to cheat, that's fine and his decision- and he'd have to deal with the consequences . As would i

Men are more likely to be sex offenders and serial killers than women. Nobody would dispute that. It doesn't follow that all men are psychopaths but they are generally more likely to have those tendencies than women - it's not uniform. That's what I'm saying.

We don't live in a world where women pretend to like a man so that he will sleep with her.

Bless you OP. You're asking on MN and expect to get reasonable responses?!

So you would allow your husband to dictate who you work alongside, maybe having to socialise after work, go on work-related trips away etc. or are women to be totally trusted or their men are being 'controlling'

🤣

Most of them on here are just like yer mate

Yeah, your friends are right.

Picture this, a man who gives every impression of being a wonderful human being, the dutiful attentive husband, walking straight from the bedroom leaving poorly, mentally frazzled mum he "loves so much" with their difficult-to-feed newborns, to fuck the nursery nurse on the couch nearby. And this goes on for months, and they are still meeting each other outside the home after the she leaves. And you are the friend who finds out about all this, and is saddled with when/how to drop all of this on someone who is at breaking point already.

AMAB

‘You know for a fact’ 🙄

YANBU
It's a clichéd joke of 'husbands chasing the nanny' or au pair 🙄

Nanny documentary on channel five showed less than one in 200 nannies or au pairs slept with the mother's partner in last 25 years.
It was different in 19th century and early 20th when servant nannies couldn't turn down the master's of the house.
Older teen siblings are more likely to sleep with au pairs now.
And quite a number of women have 'relations' with their nannies. Friend from college was sleeping with her female employer for eight months. Women's partner was a workaholic, clueless and didn't care when he found out years later.
Only issue was contributions to my friend's pension the couple were meant to sort out.

Well assuming any nanny would do that or your husband would cheat is not an ideal instant assumption.

But I wouldn't do it 😂 I would feel I was setting the scene to provide the possibility and potential haha

If a husband/partner is going to cheat, they’ll do it regardless of childcare arrangements! Seems bizarre to me to have to factor in getting a childminder over a nanny because she’s scared he’ll fuck the nanny. Seems like an exhausting way to conduct a relationship. It’s also not just men who commit adultery, but there seems to be so much pressure on women to somehow “ensure” their partners don’t cheat. It’s ridiculous. People are autonomous adults who make their own decisions in life. No amount of policing who they have contact with will change that.

I agree with you OP. Utter madness. My ex used to go to the park with a mutal friend sometimes and our kids and I always shocked how many mums thought that he was having an affair or said 'I wouldn't let my husband go out with someone who looked like that!' (She's very attractive).
Your man will see other women in the world! Whether or not they cheat is beyond your control! I also find it pretty anti- feminist to think that the nanny would just shag anyones husband. She's just there to make a living. There's a narcissistic element to those who think everyone is trying to shag your partner/ husband.

Oh get away with your facts and figures. Why ruin a perfectly good male bashing thread!

Reading

Oh god

Assuming the poor nanny wants to have an affair with your husband is odd

Have you even hired someone one yet?

I also trusted my husband utterly and completely, I was wrong, the bottom dropped out of my world, I now trust no-one.

😂

I just feel sorry for your friend that she is so insecure and has so little trust in her marriage.

Why is she married if she doesn't trust him?

If all men cheat they are presumably cheating with women so it should also go that all women are up for cheating, or else someone out there is having a lot of extra fun.