To be irritated with friends views on men?

[Bluey124]

Friend has a 1 Yr old and is considering childcare options. She has decided to go for a childminder rather than a nanny because she feels it's the 'safer' option. When I asked why she explained that DH would be the one seeing the nanny as her job keeps weird hours and also that he would be the one communicating with her about hours etc and she 'didn't want to take the risk as given the opportunity most men will cheat and this is a perfect opportunity for something like this to happen.'
I said that's ridiculous and I know for a fact my partner would never cheat and she just laughed and said something patronising like 'Oh, bless you.'
Aibu to think her view is ridiculous and that most men are decent and don't cheat?

Yes, the majority of men will cheat. Plus they think nanny's are fair game

As though ugly people are just their looks! Anyone can feel a connection with someone, it's not just looks that create attraction!

Never trust anyone 100%, ever.

I think it's odd to make decisions like that based on the idea that your husband is only faithful because he doesn't currently have easy access to a woman to cheat on you with. If I felt like that about DH, I wouldn't be with him.

That isn't to say I agree with the "I know for a fact my DH wouldn't cheat" opinion either though. But I don't consider the possibility of it in any decisions that I make. If he were to have an affair I would be staggered, and it would be all on him and his decisions. I'm not spending my time managing our lives to limit his opportunities to cheat.

I'm a nanny and one of my nanny friends had a year long affair with the dad she worked for (I didn't know her at the time) started by him pressing himself up against her when she was washing up etc, although she obviously could have told him to fuck off, but she didn't. They'd have sex whenever the mum wasn't there and the baby was asleep, very grim 😕

@WeWereInParis 👏👏

The thing is sometimes the chemicals between two people kick in without either of them intending that. Have you ever felt it? I know I have. (And then wondered what the hell I found attractive about them weeks later!) It can just take over.

Good men dont cheat….until they do.

Not all men, but most therefore the statistics are stacked against you. They are wildly stacked against you when you realise that finding a good man in the first place is 1 out of 30 in the first place!!

Woman in general are much more loyal, however it is negotiable that they are just smarter at hiding it.

Having been a nanny for a short while and hearing other nannies story's of WFH husbands trying to 'chat them up' - I'm with your friend.I never ceased to be astounded at the good family men out there who just constantly want an ego boost (or more)?

This.

And I’ve known a good decent man, devoted to his soul mate, completely compatible partner who cheated on her with at least two long term affairs. And another with a soul mate partner who described his wife and child as his ‘tribe’. Also cheated. Also repeatedly.

It’s more common than you think and I no longer naively think you can spot the men who will.

Lots of decent men out there and I think the 'most men would cheat if they had the chance/in the right circumstances' rhetoric mostly serves to normalise and low key justify the decisions and behaviours of cheats.

I wouldn't be with a man I couldn't trust. I couldn't imagine living that way.

I would like to think that I would never rob a bank, but if I ever found myself in a situation where it was, highly likely I would get away with it I’m not sure we could hand on heart guarantee that I actually wouldn’t.

As PP have said, you don’t know anything for a fact.

I wouldn’t hire a hot nanny either, why risk it. DC old classmate’s nanny had an affair with their father. No one is immune to cheating

I have no reason not to trust my husband but really I don't trust anyone 100%. I don't even trust myself 100%! People are flawed, weak and pleasure seeking. Apparently 50% of married people cheat and those are just the ones who have the opportunity!

Yes this! I'm as sure as I can be that my partner wouldn't cheat but I can never know for certain if the circumstances were right.

I do think she's being silly and overly suspicious but the nanny thing is a thing for a reason.

Just ask Gwen Stefani and Sienna Miller.

I know that, unless there is a catastrophic break down in our relationship (in which case it would be over anyway), my husband won't be cheating on me.
No I'm not deluded. He's just a thoroughly decent guy and thinks the world of me, and I know him inside out having been with him for 20 years.
I would also say the same about a few of his mates - they'll never cheat on their partners. And some - I know they might, given the opportunity.

Exactly this

She is very naive if she thinks a man who is inclined to stray will not do so unless there is another woman under his roof. There will be multiple young women at the childcare facility, more opportunities for him!

I think there are men who would never pursue an affair but none of us can know for sure how a man or indeed ourselves would behave if we genuinely became attracted to another.

Not quite the answer to your question but my husband was a SAHP 30 years ago. I believe that he was never unfaithful but you would not believe the number of women, mostly other parents, who threw themselves at him when they saw a reasonably fit man who was practical around the house AND looked after his children. So don’t underestimate his effect on the nanny and other women.

Absolutely this. I too knew for a fact my partner would never cheat. Until I found he was….

My children are middle aged now and I've been married twice so I've had quite a bit of life and relationship experience. I also swore my husbands would never cheat but I was sadly and naively mistaken.

I agree with your friend.

Victoria Beckam

If Sienna Miller can't trust her husband to stay out of the nanny, I don't think the rest of us should be over-confident.

I think both of your positions are ludicrous tbh:

If she is sufficiently worried that her husband will cheat with the nanny that she doesn't want to get one she shouldn't be with him in the first place.

On the other hand no one can ever know "for a fact" that their husband or partner will never cheat. There are endless threads about this on here and people troop up to say they know their OH wouldn't cheat. It simply isn't possible to know this. So your statement is just as silly.

There has to be a degree of trust for a marriage to function. If there isn't, the marriage simply isn't working and should be dissolved. Trust until given evidence not to trust and then leave. But you can't police and spy upon your husband and seek to remove all temptation. That's God's way of telling you to leave.

I think anyone who says they're 100% sure their partner wouldn't cheat is naive. Absolutely anybody in the world has the potential to cheat, and men are more likely to.

I wouldn't be with somebody if I thought I couldn't trust them around the nanny. But I would never ever kid myself that I could never be cheated on.