To be irritated with friends views on men?

[Bluey124]

Friend has a 1 Yr old and is considering childcare options. She has decided to go for a childminder rather than a nanny because she feels it's the 'safer' option. When I asked why she explained that DH would be the one seeing the nanny as her job keeps weird hours and also that he would be the one communicating with her about hours etc and she 'didn't want to take the risk as given the opportunity most men will cheat and this is a perfect opportunity for something like this to happen.'
I said that's ridiculous and I know for a fact my partner would never cheat and she just laughed and said something patronising like 'Oh, bless you.'
Aibu to think her view is ridiculous and that most men are decent and don't cheat?

She's right, so many men claim to be different and just end up being the same as the rest. I would never ever trust a man completely ever again, lesson has bee learnt the hard way.

This is the one thing I like about heartbreak, it makes you much wiser😉

This very wise comment wins the internet for me today.

I am with others - I agree with neither of you. Not all men cheat, but equally noone can know someone defintiely won't cheat.

I also think I wouldn't be super keen on my DH spending lots of time alone with a young lovely nanny. It's quite an intimate scenario. And I am not the jealous type in the slightest.

When I read threads like this my first reaction is "I wish he would cheat so I could get rid of him". But not helpful here obviously.

To answer your question, I do think a lot of men cheat, and I feel somewhere in the middle of you and your friends view.
I also know people who have had their partners/husbands cheat with the babysitter or nanny. It's depressing. I don't think you can stop them, if you want to cheat they will, whether it's with the nanny or someone in another country.

Having worked with in a male dominated industry, I am of the opinion most men will cheat in the right circumstances, men who I thought would never cheat. I also have worked with women who only go after married men. Quite a few of them. I was shocked by some of their behaviour, but have seen it many times now. You never can tell.

The “bless you” comment would really irritate me. I hate patronising crap like that.

I see both sides of it. Not all men cheat but you would be amazed at the amount who do. I work in nursing- there is a huge culture of cheating in healthcare and its predominantly men in their 30’s/40’s/50’s sleeping with much younger women. Many come across as “family men” and not the type you would suspect at all.

You just need to read the posts on mumsnet to realise this is true. So many seem to have picked unpleasant cheaters to marry or settle down with.

YANBU - your friend has issues!

Yeah same in law winging. About a third of the men were serial shaggers the others were decent family men. So a minority but a sizeable minority. I am always suspicious of men who voluntarily travel with work. In my team the more senior nice family men did all they could to get out of international travel so they could stay at home and they sent juniors where possible. The shaggers travelled at any excuse…

This thread makes for depressing reading and makes me think I should maybe stay single 😑😑

Did you read other threads on MN?

@cassiatwenty - yup! Most of the relationship/cheating ones make me rather depressed lol 😆

Me too, me too 😔

She sounds like a better safe than sorry type to me.

@wingingit1987 - that is shocking! Are the affairs/shagging people happening during working hours/work premises?

Some do- lunch breaks, texting each other during shifts etc. many lie about training or use annual leave to get days off where their partners think they are at work. It’s absolutely rife amongst healthcare staff.

Do you not remember the two police officers that got caught shagging in a police car? Both married needless to say.

At 25 I'd have been on your side OP. Sadly at 50 I've learnt otherwise.

@Superdupes - I've been single all of my 20's, now early 30's and feeling pretty lonely, all I see around me is everyone coupled up! From your experiences is it overrated? Everyone I know insists that 'only some men cheat!'

I'm now in my later years, most of the married couples I know have been together for years. May help in that most of the men would be seen as boring on here. I doubt I'd marry again or even look for a 'friend', it's nice having OH here, comfortable and I do feel loved even if the physical aspect isn't as energetic as it once was. I will miss him very much when the time comes but there's enough going on to fill my life, not that I won't still be looking for him on the quiet evenings.

@BigFatLiar - yea most of the couples I know have been married a very long time, like a lifetime!

I think my issue is I don't go for the 'boring' type...because I get bored!

My issue I know and I need to change it as it only causes hurt

I think my issue is I don't go for the 'boring' type...because I get bored!

Depends what you consider boring. I'm as boring as he is, a night out is a meal or trip to the cinema though as we're retired our nights out tend to be during the day followed by a snooze in front of the telly. A day out is the seaside or NT type day. We have however managed to find somewhere that does tea dances which is nice, afternoon tea with a bit of waltz. Steam engine rallies and garden shows are our level of excitement.

I think most people are capable of most things under the right circumstances.

But I think if it's so tenuous a situation that normal interactions with a nanny make it a likely occurrence, maybe the guy is kind of a twat, or your friend is too paranoid.

I know for a fact my partner would never cheat

This is a silly statement...you never know what may happen in the future.

I trust my dh with many things....but would he cheat on me? Quite possibly. I don't lie awake at night fretting but I certainly think it's possible.