To send this text?

[jillmoan]

I have a drinking problem, as in I become really aggressive sometimes. Been seeing someone for few weeks and surprise surprise, as my story so often goes, I got drunk, became nasty and ruined things.

I haven't stopped thinking about it all week (happened last Saturday) and we haven't spoken since. Today was the first day I had the guts to go back and look at the messages. The things I were saying were really horrible, really nasty.

I genuinely am not sending this message to get anything from him, however, I really need to let him know that I know I was vile and I know my behaviour wasn't acceptable and apologise.

Do you think this message is okay to send?

Hiya, listen just wanted to apologise for my behaviour/messages/phone calls the other night. As you can probably tell I have my struggles with alcohol and have for a while, it turns me into not a nice person. Just have to apologise as I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I believe my behaviour is acceptable, I know it’s not and I need to deal with it. I’ll delete your number etc and won’t pester you again, just needed to apologise for that night and the things I was saying/way I was behaving. Thanks.

I think that's fine though the focus is all on you and not him.

Leave the man alone.

May I ask what you were saying to him? It may not be as bad as you think.
Are you going to stop drinking?

Well that's the thing - I won't send the message if it's just going to annoy/upset him more.

No, don't send it. It won't make you feel better, it won't make the problem go away and it's not fair on him.

Sounds way too self absorbed. Just leave him alone and send nothing. This isn't a new behaviour for you so you don't need to tell people all about how you know you need to do something about it. Stop talking and go and do it. Without sending that self absorbed text.

It was bad, nasty. And yes day 3 today.

I wouldn't.
It comes across as very manipulative tbh.

He called me an 'abusive drunk'.

So shouldn't send the text - I won't then - I thought it was the right thing to do rather than radio silence and not acknowledging my behaviour.

You are an abusive drunk.

You don't have a chance in hell of recovery unless you fully admit that to yourself.

It's too much. If you have to text simply send 'I'm very sorry for my vile behaviour which was unforgiveable. I wanted to apologise'.

Then delete his number. No excuses, nothing about why.

@Aquamarine1029 I have admitted that.

I would keep it brief,

I have no expectation or need for a reply, but I wanted to apologise wholeheartedly for my behaviour. It was unacceptable, entirely my issue, I need to work very hard on my relationship with alcohol.
I won't contact you again, all the best.

It's a very-you centric message; which makes the apology seem less sincere... and it's quite rambling. It reads as if you are hoping that he'll feel sorry for you, and use it to start a conversation. Is that the case?

If you need to send anything; and I'd strongly recommend advising what you're hoping to get from it first, I'd aim for succinct.

"Hi. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last week. I have a problem with alcohol and am taking steps to deal with it, but the behaviour was unacceptable and no reflection on you. I'm really sorry."

But again - You don't need to tell someone that you were just seeing that you have an alcohol problem. You can apologise without that information, if you feel you should. You can choose not to apologise, which may be healthier for you both.

Definitely keep it shorter,
Well done, you can change this.

I actually think it is good to be accountable for your behaviour and you do owe him an apology. If you send it I would remove the "just" had to apologise, the word just feels quite minimising to me as though it's an afterthought

It might have been better if you hadn’t left it a whole week, but the others are sadly right.

I think this is better

Maybe something more along the lines of:

Hiya, I'm so sorry for the way I behaved the other night. I have a problem with alcohol but there is no excuse and I hope you know I didn't mean anything I said. I also hope I didn't hurt you. I will block you now and I obviously won't message you again.

He has probably already blocked you mind, if it really was that bad.

What waterproof said.
Glad to hear you are sorting yourself out. A happy drunk can drink in moderation, an abusive drunk can't at all.

Agree with waterydoom
Good luck with stopping drinking👏

I'd send the first part of that message, acknowledge your struggles with alcohol and say sorry. Don't put in the self-flagellating bit about deleting his number. That's either self-pitying or could come across as a bit manipulative?

This isn't somebody you dated for ten years so you're not messing with his head apologising. I'd just do it so that you feel better. And you will, I'd guess.

But then, take the focus off him and back on to your self. Have you listened to Catherine Gray - The joy of being sober?

I wouldn’t send any text tbh. I’m not good with alcohol either, I gave up fifteen years ago and haven’t touched a drop since. It can be done.

good listen

I think it's fair. If someone was horrible to me I'd want to know why and I'd like an apology.