To send this text?

[jillmoan]

I have a drinking problem, as in I become really aggressive sometimes. Been seeing someone for few weeks and surprise surprise, as my story so often goes, I got drunk, became nasty and ruined things.

I haven't stopped thinking about it all week (happened last Saturday) and we haven't spoken since. Today was the first day I had the guts to go back and look at the messages. The things I were saying were really horrible, really nasty.

I genuinely am not sending this message to get anything from him, however, I really need to let him know that I know I was vile and I know my behaviour wasn't acceptable and apologise.

Do you think this message is okay to send?

Hiya, listen just wanted to apologise for my behaviour/messages/phone calls the other night. As you can probably tell I have my struggles with alcohol and have for a while, it turns me into not a nice person. Just have to apologise as I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I believe my behaviour is acceptable, I know it’s not and I need to deal with it. I’ll delete your number etc and won’t pester you again, just needed to apologise for that night and the things I was saying/way I was behaving. Thanks.

Just leave the person alone! Stop drinking your addiction is affecting other people! Nothing worst than an abusive drunk!

Fgs just leave him alone.

My ex was in AA and reached out to me to say sorry. It took me a while to realise he’d only apologised because firstly he had to as part of the 12 steps but also it was for purely selfish reasons - so he wouldn’t feel guilt.

He didn’t do it to help me deal with what he did to me. So I guess be true to yourself on why you want to text him

• For yourself or
• For him

When you behave badly, you apologise . So of course you should apologise

No don't send the text. He's made it clear by not reaching out that you've hurt him and he's not interested.

Just focus on you and staying sober.
Drink can send me horrible sometimes so I choose not to drink haven't touched it in six years now.
You can do it op.

I've messaged and apologised. Thanks for everyone's help.

I see the moral majority are out in force today. Sanctimonious sods

OP, if you really are sorry send one of the shorter messages above and actually SAY that you're sorry. Don't explain or make excuses but keep it simple and to the point then leave him alone.

Good luck with getting help

I would send the message. If you were as vile as you think, acknowledging that and apologising is not unreasonable.

I would probably change the bit about deleting his number and not pestering him to something like not expecting a reply.

Please do get help for your alcoholism though.

I hope you do well in your plan of action op

Which you were. If you haven't yet apologised I would do that. No dramatics, just a simple apology

Well done on Day 3 @jillmoan .
You can do it ❤️

Agree with all of this.

Don't send the text. Despite you saying you want to apologise, what you really want to do is explain that you're not really a nasty person.....but you are. OK you're at the first step of recognising it, but the apology wouldnt be for his benefit, it's for yours.
I'm pretty sure he's worked out you have issues, but he's not contacted you for an explanation .......because he doesn't want to. He's off. Leave him alone and anyone else. Your problems aren't halved by sharing, they're doubled. Sort your self out before you inflict your issues on anyone else!

I'd take your apology only if you'd been sober for far longer. I bet you've apologised to others before then carried on. At the moment they're hollow words.
Good luck with your sobriety.

You would've lost me with "hiya, listen" ... way too chatty for someone apologising.

I actually think the message was fine

I agree with other posters, just leave the guy alone.

Your wish to apologise is about making you feel better, it won't make him feel better, it'll probably just remind him of the horrible experience. He doesn't have to forgive you, and you don't have the right to ask (and sending this text is asking for forgiveness, even if you don't expressly say that).

I think an apology would be good for you both. Well done on giving up and I wish you all the best for your recovery. Make sure you get lots of support

I would add to this with

'I'm very sorry for my vile behavior which was unforgivable. I don't expect a reply/forgiveness from you I just wanted to apologise. I wish you good luck in your future'

or something to end thats more about him than the OP.

I think it's fair to send him a brief apology but like others have said, leave out the bit about deleting his number etc.
If I were in his shoes (and I have been), it hurt more that I never got any form of apology.
Kudos to you for acknowledging that you have a problem and that it's your problem and for attempting to sort yourself out - you can do this x

Please get help for your alcohol problem. Screenshot the unpleasant messages you sent to him when you were drunk so that you have a reminder about why you need to stop drinking.
He called you an abusive drunk and it sounds like that is what you are so you need to quit drinking alcohol at all.

Opinion is divided but I think you did the right thing. Good luck, stand in your own corner. Forgive yourself now regardless of his response or lack thereof. Xx

Well done for being self aware of this issue. I think an apology is good. It’s part of the 12 step process, isn’t it?

good luck with your recovery. You’re not the only one who has this problem and at least you know.

If you come down of the heady heights of your high horse mate, you’ll see that is what lots of people are saying.

I think an apology is fine, just keep it brief.