To send this text?

[jillmoan]

I have a drinking problem, as in I become really aggressive sometimes. Been seeing someone for few weeks and surprise surprise, as my story so often goes, I got drunk, became nasty and ruined things.

I haven't stopped thinking about it all week (happened last Saturday) and we haven't spoken since. Today was the first day I had the guts to go back and look at the messages. The things I were saying were really horrible, really nasty.

I genuinely am not sending this message to get anything from him, however, I really need to let him know that I know I was vile and I know my behaviour wasn't acceptable and apologise.

Do you think this message is okay to send?

Hiya, listen just wanted to apologise for my behaviour/messages/phone calls the other night. As you can probably tell I have my struggles with alcohol and have for a while, it turns me into not a nice person. Just have to apologise as I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I believe my behaviour is acceptable, I know it’s not and I need to deal with it. I’ll delete your number etc and won’t pester you again, just needed to apologise for that night and the things I was saying/way I was behaving. Thanks.

Ok like

I'm sorry for my behaviour the other night. I struggle with alcohol consumption at times, so I'd like to take responsibility and say I'm sorry. I hope you are doing well

(I wouldn't put Thanks at the end. You are taking responsibility and learning by making mistakes, and we all make mistakes.)

Maybe: "You're right, I am an abusive drunk. I’ll delete your number etc and won’t pester you again, just wanted to apologise for my behaviour."

Did you not send an apology text the day after?

I would absolutely send an apology text but I feel a week later is a bit of a slap in the face tbh.

I would probably still send it but I’d assume he would have blocked you by now anyway.

I think I remember reading this last time, is your desire to reach out to him manipulative, ie you want him to respond so you open communications again? Be honest.

As everyone has said, you can tell you're an addict. Addicts are awfully selfish and you probably can't see it, but that text is all about you. Look at how many times you use the word 'I'. It's all about apologising for your actions and how you don't want them to think you think it's ok. Its all about their opinion of YOU. When in fact you should be wholeheartedly apologising for what it was you said to them and the effect of your words on THEM. Any hurt and pain caused to them.

You need help, serious help. And you need to stop drinking. Tee-total never drink again. As you can see when sober quite rightly you'll have no one left.

I think it's a good text and you should send it, don't expect a response and they may have already blocked you. I'm sorry this happened and I hope you can work on your drinking

I would send it. Part of recovery is taking responsibility and apologising.

"I am really sorry for the way I spoke to you the other day. When you called me an abusive drunk this really hit home and I'm going to stop drinking, go to AA and go to counselling so that I can learn how I ended up this way. No need to reply - I just wanted to apologise and to thank you for being so honest."

Yeah, me too.

It help stop him wondering if there was anything he did to trigger it. E.g. appearing weak.

Everyone is different, me personally I would appreciate the text and you taking responsibility for how you acted, despite how long ago it was.

As someone who has lost a sister to alcoholism (43 when she died) and a brother who has dipped in and out over the last 30 years with it - you've taken the first step in acknowledging you have a problem and that's f*ckihg HARD. You can do this, it won't be easy, but you can do it ❤️

Nice wording. He can be pleased he had a positive impact on OP.

I think you should apologise but that message is quite long and self-centred/ pitying.

You just need to say something like, “I’m very sorry for all that I said, you are right I am an abusive drunk. Nothing I said was acceptable and I will be seeking help for my alcohol issues. Sorry again for the things I said and hurt I caused you. I won’t contact you again.”

Then delete his number, don’t contact him again and seek help for your alcoholism.

I think your right to apologize. It's brave and vulnerable to own up to our mistakes and be accountable for our actions. Say your sorry, but with no expectations from him. Then concentrate on yourself and get it sorted. You can do this! All the best!

I agree. Best message BY FAR!

I like that it is from the heart.

I notice the word 'apologise' though. Maybe tweak with 'truly sorry', and delete the mid ramble and replace with, 'ashamed at my uncalled for vile rant, you in no way at all deserved that.'
Not end with 'thanks', end with 'Again, so very sorry.'

Good luck with your journey.

I'd message saying." I'm really sorry, I'm not nice when I drink. I'm taking steps to give up alcohol. Wishing you all the best." You need to find a local support group, and give up alcohol. Otherwise your life is always going to be one hot mess, you can do so much better for yourself.

I do think you should text and apologise - but you should have done it days ago!

Make it short, draw a line under that incident then get some help

Previous posters are correctly Op, part of recovery is apologising and owning up to your behaviours whilst drinking. The revised text that was suggested is better than your original one. Have you upset other friends or family that may also deserve an apology?

I speak from experience btw, I'm 7 years sober.

This is how I would take it if I was him.
Like she wants to meet up this weekend even.

An apology text should be sent as soon as you’ve sobered up, not a week later.

Yes I think it would be a good idea.

Best wishes with sobriety :)

"Hi. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last week. I have a problem with alcohol and am taking steps to deal with it, but the behaviour was unacceptable and no reflection on you. I'm really sorry."
this is better than yours, op. This one doesnt shift the blame.

I thought the same as a pp about the word apologise in your message.

Just have to apologise
just needed to apologise

but no actual apology at all.

Literally what I was about to respond. No 'just'

I agree with @WateryDoom too, your message is too long and the "hiya" general tone sounds way too friendly and light-hearted for what I presume is an apology for some really nasty stuff.

Keep it short, don't contact him again, and get some help. I don't know about alcoholism but presumably if it turns you into an abuser then you need help and should stop entirely, good luck.

I received some very abusive messages from someone I had been dating, when he was drunk.
He did send me an apology a few days later and that did mean a lot to me, so I would send it.