AIBU not to cancel DD's party despite the house next door being in mourning?

[Padstow58]

It's my DD's birthday today. 13 and very excited. For weeks she's been planning a party at our house and for 8 girls to sleep over in the tent in our garden. She's decorated our garden and it's all ready.

Next door are a retired couple and a few weeks ago, he was taken into hospital. We've been keeping in touch with the lady neighbour so have been aware that he's not been doing too well.

This morning she let me know he died in the night.

DH now says they are a house of mourning and it would be disrespectful to hold a party next door.

But I think, as sad as it is, that it's not fair to cancel DD's party that she's been planning and looking forward to for so long.

We are detached and I'll make sure they are quiet out there after 10pm so hopefully they won't be disturbed too much by it all.

Does that sound reasonable?

Wow! Looking at these responses I can see why society is such a mess. I'd rearrange or make other arrangements away from the house.

I agree with you.

Because even when recently bereaved, women must always be ready to play hostess. 🙄

OP I think you need to at least do something to keep the noise down if the party goes ahead. I agree that's hard to pull off and your DD and friends have the right to enjoy their party, but I think at least a token attempt needs to be made.

Some very callous responses on here. I'd be interested to know how many are this blasé about death and how to treat the bereaved when they start to enter middle/later life.

And as for those saying the sounds of the party might cheer the poor lady up, newsflash: the whole world does not revolve around kids and their doings. Though I realise saying that is tantamount to heresy on Mumsnet.

Every event in the country was cancelled for a week or more when the Queen (who no one knew) died but it's outrageous to suggest the next door neighbours should slightly modify their behaviour on the day of the death ?

OP clearly does know her neighbours, she knew he was in hospital and the widow has been to tell her of his passing within hours.

Not if you're on talking terms like I am with my neighbours.

Every event in the country was cancelled for a week or more when the Queen (who no one knew) died

Most people I know thought that was utterly batshit and just carried on as normal.

This thread is quite eye opening in just how little some people care about the others around them. No I wouldn't be hosting a noisy party in the garden on the same day the neighbour died. The same day as the death is different i think to even a couple of days later, she's likely not even processed the loss at all yet.
I'd bring them inside or postpone until next weekend. Best will in the world a group of 13 year olds are not going to be quiet and it would probably ruin the party anyway for them to be constantly shushed.

Oh that is exactly what I wanted to say but couldn't find the words. Agree 100%.

Every event in the country was cancelled for a week or more when the Queen (who no one knew) died

Which was ridiculous.

Well @WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter my mother is on very good terms with her neighbours. She didn't want to see them immediately after my dad died.

I definitely think the party should either stay inside or be rescheduled. He died this morning - imagine the grief in the house next door.

Oh my god, you made your neighbours walk to their funeral cars because your baby shower guests had taken all the parking spaces and then you all came out and waved at them as they trudged up the road??

Fucking hell, I'm all for the 13 year old's party going ahead but that really is taking the absolute piss

Utterly absurd, isn’t it?

I would be absolutely horrified if my neighbours curtailed their plans when I was bereaved. And as such, I wouldn’t expect to change my own.

Courtesy, sure. A card and gift of food, certainly if you think she’d appreciate it. Binning off your own child’s plans in some sort of misguided sense of ‘community’ and mass mourning? Totally and utterly ludicrous.

Has anyone suggested maybe changing the actual party plan and inviting the neighbour over? She might be feeling so lonely and lost tonight. You could get her to bring round photo albums and tell stories about her husband, the girls will love that sort of thing especially funny and happy memories. Have a dinner together and a few drinks and then the girls can carry on with their evening x

Who's being melodramatic now? Practically no one has suggest the the party should be "binned off", just some adjustments made as a mark of respect.

Is this a genuine suggestion?

Why would a bunch of 13yo's want to spend a birthday party with a grieving stranger?

God no. Ask the neighbour who lost her husband today to put on a party show so the party can have some grief tourism as an activity? Do not do this.

I had a baby shower on the day of my neighbours funeral (well they lived directly opposite) the only issue really for them was that they had to walk a little up the road to the funeral cars as my guests had parked along the road and took a lot of the space. As a mark of respect, when they were leaving all the guests at my party went out the front to wave them off. I think it helped them that we provided a visual reminder that life still goes on

This obviously cannot be true. Surely no one in this world would make mourners walk to the funeral cars because the priority was given to party guests for a baby shower. No way!

Keep the party OP. Your daughter only gets to turn 13 once. My baby only got once chance of a shower. I was due 3 weeks later. Life goes on

Strangely we only get one funeral too!

She may not have known in advance. Calm down.

No, we waved at them as they were driving past.

What? Not round here.

Plenty of people have suggested the party be cancelled. Some maniac has suggested inviting the grieving woman around to show her photo albums to the teenagers. 😂

I had a baby shower on the day of my neighbours funeral (well they lived directly opposite) the only issue really for them was that they had to walk a little up the road to the funeral cars as my guests had parked along the road and took a lot of the space. As a mark of respect, when they were leaving all the guests at my party went out the front to wave them off. I think it helped them that we provided a visual reminder that life still goes on

I feel like that last line isn't as benevolent as youve made it sound.

This is a spoof…right? Going by this thread, it’s hard to tell. But this is so extreme, it’s disgusting. Your guests went out to wave them off?!

Actually if you RTFT, lots of people have suggested that it be cancelled or re-arranged for another time.

Really surprised at how many people are saying don't give it a second thought, or that your husband is insane. I would probably go ahead but I would be thinking through every way I could minimise any disturbance.

This.