AIBU not to cancel DD's party despite the house next door being in mourning?

[Padstow58]

It's my DD's birthday today. 13 and very excited. For weeks she's been planning a party at our house and for 8 girls to sleep over in the tent in our garden. She's decorated our garden and it's all ready.

Next door are a retired couple and a few weeks ago, he was taken into hospital. We've been keeping in touch with the lady neighbour so have been aware that he's not been doing too well.

This morning she let me know he died in the night.

DH now says they are a house of mourning and it would be disrespectful to hold a party next door.

But I think, as sad as it is, that it's not fair to cancel DD's party that she's been planning and looking forward to for so long.

We are detached and I'll make sure they are quiet out there after 10pm so hopefully they won't be disturbed too much by it all.

Does that sound reasonable?

You could get her to bring round photo albums and tell stories about her husband, the girls will love that sort of thing especially funny and happy memories

Don't be stupid and mad

I'd probably postpone the party for a week and at the very very least ask the party guests to be very mindful of nouse. I'm not sure bringing it inside would help.

I think everyone knows especially the old that life must and will carry on. She would not expect your daughter to join in the mourning.

That is one of the worse things I've ever read on Mumsnet.
Shockingly disrespectful.

Have you never seen that sort of thing before? Our town in popular with bikers, and when a biker dies, the streets are lined with bikers paying their respects, clapping etc. This is like that. Except the deceased wasn’t a biker.

@LilyTuesday words fail me. How utterly self absorbed

I think it helped them that we provided a visual reminder that life still goes on.

My baby only got once chance of a shower.

😅

i suppose it depends on the type of person you are. I would personally love that.

I’d continue with the party in your position, life doesn’t stop because a neighbour dies.

So your mother is different to my neighbour next door. We are a very close street of terraced houses and she often comes out to have a chat about husband as she's lonely. We all went to his funeral.

Neither your Mum or my neighbour is right, however OP says she would chat with her etc whilst he was in hospital, so it's not a random knock.

I wouldn’t cancel but I’m make sure they didn’t disturb your neighbour late at night (even if that means staying up to ask them to keep it down yourself).

What is actually wrong with you? Are you deliberately trying to offend and be tactless?

We're opposite a school with often chaotic parking.The Funeral Directors made it very clear they'd just block the road for a few minutes if they couldn't park outside the house.

The neighbours came out to see us and DH off (covid times so they couldn't come to the funeral) but no one "waved"

You're right, it's very much down to the individuals @WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter

My mother's neighbours all came to my dad's funeral. She didn't want to see them the day after he died though.

I would too, but not on my 13th with my mates (probably rolling their eyes).

This is insane. I'm hopeful that this is a spoof post, but on the outside chance that it isn't, please don't use people's VERY recent bereavements as a "fun activity" for little girls.

No, I haven’t. And you don’t think that might make a difference? Bikers who know other bikers is one thing, with their own traditions.

I wouldn’t let them camp outside, been a teenager in that scenario and there’s no way they’ll be quiet after a certain time. I’d tell them to sleep indoors not in tents.

I suspect the neighbour wouldn't actually want you to cancel.
Might be worth giving her the heads up, whilst passing on your condolences, so she is aware but I wouldn't cancel.

We still celebrated DD's 18th just 4 days after FIL died, with mil present. It was covid times so low key anyway in the end but mil was adamant we should celebrate (she was living with us for the duration of the lockdown) and that my FIL would have wanted that - he had already said so.

Exactly. It should be postponed. It's her 13th birthday party, not her wedding.

To quote my long departed mum - ‘Life is for the living - the dead can take care of themselves’. Let the party go ahead but ask the girls to keep the noise down…….

This is one of the most self-absorbed things I have ever read on Mumsnet. Your 'baby only got one chance of a shower', what does that even mean? This wasn't done for the baby that hadn't even arrived yet, this was about you and what you wanted. The least you could have done was keep your guests' cars out of the mourners' way, and as for a 'visual reminder that life goes on'... words fail me.

You could get her to bring round photo albums and tell stories about her husband, the girls will love that sort of thing especially funny and happy memories

What on earth. This is the craziest response here.

It’s the child’s birthday! I can’t imagine many 13 year olds wanting to hear lots of stories about someone they hardly know and having to deal with the very raw emotions of a neighbour. I wouldn’t put my child in that situation, it would be awful to go that to your child. It’s madness. I can’t imagine the neighbour, having just lost her husband, would want to put that on a bunch of kids she hardly knows either.

I agree with this. Life will go on in some sense for her, but life as she has been living it has ended.

I wouldn't cancel, but I would move the party inside. It may be cultural; I'm from the Southern US, and no way would a next door neighbor have a bunch of partying teenagers outside and within earshot of a bereaved widow the day after death.

But the bereaved neighbour IS the living.