AIBU to think there is rarely anything good about being a step parent?

[PorkyPINE1]

From reading here and my own experience, I am yet to really be able to name any upside to having stepchildren. Aside from obviously being with the man I want to be with, I feel like there isn't anything I can name about being a step parent that isn't hard work / a compromise / a positive experience.

Not looking for sympathy by the way, I obviously chose this situation. Just pondering after a read on here this morning!

No and they never will.

Yanbu. I’ve been there done that and never again.

I imagine it’s ok when you have a hard working partner who loves you and he sees to his kids himself eg school runs he does it without question. You can tick along ok when the foundations are good, but you’ll still never have a smooth life when he has children from a previous relationship. But if you have a really decent partner, you can overcome those problems I guess.

But as in my case when your partner is a lazy fucker with no ambition for us and no backbone to stand up to his ex or his parents, you have no chance of ever enjoying being a stepparent. You spend every day feeling bitter and resentful.

My former dsc was always a good kid and likeable, and none of it was ever their fault. It was always the adults (my ex, his ex wife and the in laws) who made my experience as a stepmum really shit and miserable. I just hated it all, and I will never take that risk again.

This is one of the sickest comments on here

you wouldn’t care if you never saw him again

You would use him as a human shield - I wouldn’t think of using anyone as a human shield let alone a fully fledged member of the family - wtf

yeah it does seem to indicate that you are a monster

What is so bad about it?

Is it more the ex annoys you rather than the SC?

I agree god what a read

@oodlesofpotnoodles well you are certainly the evil stepmother

@Namechangedforthis25 grow up

Dramatic much?

Are you fired upon regularly? I was articulating the point that I would sacrifice the boy to save my own

Anyone who says they wouldn't is a liar. Anyone who wouldn't do anything to save their own is a monster, in my eyes

Given we live in a very safe, middle class community with the most dangerous things being kamikaze pigeons - I think the boy should reach his 80s without any bother

I think it depends on how willing everyone is to make it work, especially the separated parents. My experience of it was awful. If a mis-match in values caused the split, that just becomes more apparent as time goes on.

I was viewed as a cash machine by the SC and their mother although to be fair, my (now ex) was exactly the same.

Ohh you are fun too?

😂

@Jazzappledelish fair enough

other PPs are step mothers and saying they would use little children as human shields and step over their dying bodies in a fire - these are children they care for and spend half the week with. Children who feel part of their family

my mind is boggled at the heartless and actual evil of saying something like that

It's funny - for being such an evil stepmother, he's currently playing on the PS5 I bought him, having eaten the breakfast I made him, and wearing the clothes I bought, washed and ironed for him

I'm the one he texts when he wants to go out. I'm the one he confides his little girlfriend worries to, and I'm the one who stands getting fucking soaked at the sidelines every weekend

I'm the one who won't downsize my house when he goes to Uni because I firmly believe that children should always have a home

I'm the one who has given up my sanity to ensure this boy is content, at the serious expense of my own mental happiness

But yeah, evil stepmother right enough

If his father dies tomorrow, I'll see him at the funeral. If he wants to see me in the future? 100%, I will facilitate that. But if he chooses not to? Then I downsize.

I became a step mother when my husbands children were teenagers. I got none of the 'cute' stages and all of the teenage angst! Throw in some SEN and it made for a turbulent 7-10 years.
It became more difficult when we had our own children, my husband considered us a family of 6 where as I was definitely mentally in a family of 4.
We also had a few arguments about inheritance (he expected my half to be split equally 4 ways to include his children...over my dead body, his half gets split 4 ways, mine gets split 2 ways between my children)
He doesn't know it but part of the reason I married him was to ensure that if he died before me (he's older) that our assets would automatically come directly to me and I could split them appropriately.
I have never mistreated my SC, but equally I didn't get any joy from them and knowing what I know now I wouldn't do it again.

I love my step kids , my kids love the step kids . That’s the benefit ! More love to give and receive .
While my kids will always be my priority ( because the step kids have a loving mother and father ) but I love them anyway and care deeply for them.
My partner took on my kids and lives daily with them too and Im sure he doesn’t think as you .
This whole thread is disgusting

I go as far as saying this person has “ issues “ . Wow I have a step son similar age who I don’t see as much as he lives abroad ,in stead we see him prolonged times for a few weeks or a month 3 or 4 times a year and I would really miss him if he was out of my life and I live him very much and miss not speaking with him for more than a couple of days .

Wow you come across as such a money grabber , I hope your husband is wise enough to have a will and leaves you nothing ! So selfish . Why did you get married if his children were such a burden to you ? Vile

My partner’s step-dad is his dad, and is the grandfather to our grandchildren. You can see the love, respect and pride they have for each other. I’ve never met my partner’s total waste of space real father. His step-dad provided a positive male role model as he was growing up. He took his surname. He calls him dad. Not once was he treated differently from his step-dad’s own biological children. From my limited experience in watching them together, having a step-parent and being a step-parent can be a mutually positive, rewarding and enriching experience.

I wonder how many women on this thread would be supportive if a man had started a thread about hating being a step parent…

Some of you are actually vile in the way that you speak about your step children. I get the impression that if your partners knew your true feelings, you wouldn’t need to worry about being a step parent anymore.

I forgot to say in my post too. If the father is a lazy fucker and has no ambition for you all, and you become fed up of him. You become fed up of his children too, and they just turn in to an extension of this annoying man in your life. It’s in no way their fault, but if he isn’t making it all worth it, then they all (him, his ex and their kids) just become one big problem.

So for me it all hinges on the man and how he is whether a stepmum is happy or not. I get really surprised when people lay in to stepmums on here for things like not jumping for joy about taking the dsc to their swimming lessons when the dad is lying in bed. What tf do you expect?

The human shield part is a lot - would you be ok if your partner said that about your children?

Can I also point out:

Whilst my husband is very kind to my own son from my first marriage - I assume he would prioritise his own, and that's fine because it's human nature

I look after everyone. I love my own. My SS has a perfectly good mother who can shield him all she wants

I just have to assume he feels the same way. It's unpleasant but I'm realistic. The children are all happy and healthy so no one needs to be shielding anyone from anything

Wouldn't donate a kidney, in case my children ever need one

The holier than thou shit on this thread is unreal

I'm a professional, with decent human being friends and family - we all feel similarly. I imagine you lot are all #makingmemories and #mummysondates

Well I think my dp and my ds have a lovely relationship. My dp does not try to parent ds but has been in his life since he was 4, now a teenager, ds's own father is dead. I don't expect dp to parent ds but they have a more like a close Uncle /nephew relationship and I know dp is proud of ds.

@oodlesofpotnoodles you’re the one who needs to grow up

it wasn’t his choice to have you as a stepmom

and it’s not normal to talk about human shields - even if you think it, some things are better left in the depths of your subconsciousness rather than verbalising them in the way you have- about a real living member of your family

@SunnyEgg yes. It would be terrible to hear it vocalised but I have to assume he feels the same way

Which is why we don't not discuss these things in real life, because it's unpleasant

My sincere wish is that everyone reaches happiness and old age, together

I'm not sure why anyone thinks it's personal about the stepchildren. They are nice kids. But having them in my life, for a variety of reasons, has made it difficult and it wouldn't be something I'd choose if I had my time over. It's not about them personally.

Lots of things, their mum being a PITA, the constant consideration of another household, changing contact schedules, knowing when to step up and when to butt out, just constant compromise and checking and whatever else. It's a chore and something I'd find would make life a lot less stressful if I didn't have to deal with it. That doesn't mean I hate the actual children themselves.

The money is from my side in the form of my inheritance when my parents die.
He actually has very little of monetary value to offer.
But yeah, I'm a money grabber🙄