AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly in January. I grabbed a few clothes and we made our way to my dad. On the morning of the funeral, it turned out my daughter had grown and her skirt was far too short. I hope no-one judged us for that… 🙄

Respect is nothing to do with religion though and yes if they were mine I would have tried to guide them to what is acceptable the same as I would for say a job interview. The people who are saying "let them be" would you do the same if they were going for a job interview which required a certain level of dress? Someone turned up to a relative of mine's funeral carrying a skull handbag which yes I did think was inappropriate. She's not very bright though so probably didn't think about it.

Disrespectful. Don’t they have parents that can tell them what’s appropriate?

Same and they had better be prepared for a water cremation and a free bar! Wear what the hell you want, be sad if you feel you need to, but then be happy because the world still turns.

I would be totally fine with their attire and think it's a bit grim that you're questioning some kids' morals on the basis of what they wore to a funeral. I'm sure they were doing what they thought was best.

I think that learning how to be respectful is something that you learn as you progress through life. My cousin turned up to my grandma's funeral in 1989 dressed in her best Madonna outfit complete with a coned bra. She was only 15 but some older mourners had a fit of the vapours when they saw her but then again my floral tribute of a bunch of daffodils (gran's favourite flowers) was also deemed inadequate and there was much muttering. When grandad died 7 years later she wore a lovely black trouser suit to his funeral as her understanding of what a 'smart' outfit was had changed with her age. The most important thing is to get younger people to engage and actually go to less fun things like funerals and as other pp have said it doesn't matter what they look like as long as they're there and engaged.

SlippySarah

None of your business. Judging a woman for wearing something that you deem to be inappropriate is called slut shaming and its not cool. Focus on your own shit.

They aren't grown women though, they are children. Children need to be taught how to dress appropriately for different situations.

Its inappropriate and disrespectful to walk about practically naked, especially at a funeral.

Well it is because lots of religions equate respect with ritual. It’s not, it’s just ritual. Respect exists outside of the constructs of religious services and practices. Just because people adhere strongly to a ritual doesn’t make it respectful. But I’m a humanist, so my ideas of integrity and decency aren’t restricted to any religious ritual.

I am not passionate, I am just answering your question. Why do you take it so personally?

You cannot seriously be old enough to be on Mumsnet and ignore that funerals imply a bit of respect 😂

Maybe their parents were too deep in grief to tell them to go back upstairs and get changed.

YABU OP. This thread is grim.

Yes it is. Italy is a majority Catholic country where most children will have attended churches with dress codes before. The UK is much less religious and lots of children might never have stepped foot in a church (apart from with school… I’m not sure if non religious schools tend to go for RE trips?).

Or if they have been to church, it’s likely been for a wedding where some guests (or even the bride) wore revealing clothes.

i agree - school uniform would have been better
did they go with their parents or alone?

There are dress codes in most, perhaps not CofE 🙄, religious institutions. It's hardly shocking to be brought up to wear respectable clothes in the house of god.

I walked by a funeral where the attendees were taken selfies with the coffin being loaded into a carriage.

I found it unsettling.

I assume that style and those actions are culturally acceptable within their cultures. But it’s a big no no for me.

My youngest sibling dressed like that to our mums funeral. She was 14. I’d been raising her since she was 2. I didn’t raise an eyebrow. Mourning isn’t a performance you put on to others expectations. It’s private. It’s personal. It’s come as you are, not as others want you to be.

I think it's awful. The ones with the short all in ones could have worn a skirt or trousers and a jacket or cardigan for the duration of the funeral at least.

The OP has not mentioned it being a heavy metal funeral, a biker funeral or a celebratory dress funeral. Given that she noticed the two informally dressed mourners, it's safe to assume that this funeral was a standard church one.

And the deceased doesn't care, absolutely. But the funeral isn't for them, it's for those left behind. If anybody had turned up to my granddads funeral in nightclub wear my gran would have been silently upset and the rest of the family vocally so (to each other, later on).

Have you tried to dress a girl that age lately? The last time I did was for my Goddaughter’s Confirmation. It was terrible to try find something Church and age appropriate.

They’re in that weird age where everything is too old or too young for them and if you find something the color is some screaming loud color or print.

For a funeral which typically doesn’t give you a lot warning I’m guessing it was the best they could come up with.

FTR.. I’m typically very judgmental about occasion appropriate clothes and even I would give a pass in this situation.

But I’m a humanist, so my ideas of integrity and decency aren’t restricted to any religious ritual.

🙄

My step niece and my SIL dressed like this for my mums funeral.
Catholic funeral, full mass. If that’s relevant.

My dad told them to change their clothes. He was horrified.
He told them it was disrespectful.

If it’s the first time they have been to a funeral them I’m surprised an adult didn’t advice them.

I may be the only parent of a teenage girl who couldn't care leas what she wears 🤷‍♀️as long as she likes it

couldn't care less*

😂😂

Only on MN would anyone argue that a discussion about inappropriate wear for a funeral is "slut shaming" .

Because in the real world, anything goes for funeral doesn't it 😂

The idea behind standards of dress and behavior is respect. Respect for others and for yourself, to act appropriately in a situation. Courtesy.

Not to sneer at people who are doing their best and or them as lower status, that itself is classless and nasty behavior. And lower status behavior.

It is appropriate to dress and act respectfully though and it’s ok to point that out especially when people seem to be doing things on purpose to provoke or should have the basic sense to know better. Two different contexts, don’t conflate them.

In this instance, no one wants or needs to see anyone’s behind hanging out at a funeral. The girls should know better than that. They made it about themselves and how they look as if they’re going clubbing. Very disrespectful to the deceased, to the mourners, and to themselves.

I think it’s very terrible. No-one at a funeral should wear less than full mourning, a big hat and a long black veil. And black ribbons. (Or is that just horses?).

Someone should fling themselves across the coffin, weeping.

I shall insist on this for my own funeral and anyone who doesn’t will get haunted.