AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

See also Brazil. Dds friends mum is Brazilian and is actually super strict and fierce but is utterly ok with the most outrageous outfits!

No I quite agree.
Tbh I was shocked when I went to one in Ireland that people came wearing ‘normal ‘attire. Nothing dressy black etc. I knew it was the case in the Uk but I suppose I thought it would be more traditional there.

No, I think I get your point. Yours is a very chilled and laid back congregation where anything goes. So if someone wears a low cut top and short shorts, it's just great they came. And when her husband joins her in his football strip, they're fine when he takes his top off because it's a bit hot. I get it. It's all about the feelz.

Black is no longer standard where I live in West Wales, although the chapel community still mainly holds to its old customs.
It's quite acceptable for navy, grey, purple , prints containing muted colours to be worn elsewhere without anybody going into shock.
Most people have a innate idea of what's appropriate and adults keep a few suitable outfits in their wardrobe.

There's a huge assumption being made that the girls dressed as they did to show off and be the centre of attention.

That would of course be wrong.

I think it's more likely that they wore clothes they already had in black, and didn't realise that today's fashion is so shocking to older people.

I object to being expected to pretend I don't have cleavage. Given the choice between a v neck which inevitably shows my cleavage and a crew neck that leaves me feeling trussed up like a turkey, v neck it is.

Given the scrunch bum nude leggings people wear now, all bets are off.

No black not standard at all.
Ireland, England and Wales.
Am currently becoming a serial funeral goer, unfortunately
I wear black as I have one smart for everything dress, but I’m invariably in the minority

Canterbury Cathedral do have a dress code for visitors.

ie. No bear chests, short shorts, basic stuff like that
Haven’t been to any others recently.

@5128gap I don't disagree with you; for me and my DD it was natural to have a chat about what was going to be appropriate for a religious, traditional funeral. I get that other people think differently

*That would of course be wrong

How do you know what they were thinking? How can you be certain?

Teens are notorious for poor judgement, and self-absorption. It's a developmental stage. They very well could have wanted to 'look amazing'. It's the job of the adults in their lives to guide them on what is appropriate.

Or
Jesus was with the lowest of the low
God doesn't care what we wear
The Bible is pretty clear on not to judge. So I think you do miss the point.
And football kit? The majority of our congregation support the same team and if it'd match day the congregation will be a flood of their team colours

Oh, you really aren't coming off well here at all. There's no requirement to look like a little drudge at a funeral.

We lost a very close family member recently and at the funeral were three teenage girls who were grandchildren of the deceased - aged 13, 15 and 17. The 17 year old wore black trousers and a black top. The 15 year old wore a black dress with small white dots on it. The youngest one wore her black school skirt and a black t-shirt. All dressed appropriately. Their parents, despite their own obvious distress and finding it hard to bury a parent, ensured children dressed appropriately. The teenage boys in attendance wore black school trousers and white school shirts.

You're right

1. Not really appropriate (can't imagine close family being universally chuffed).
2. It's not cool on a hot day.

Although having said that it would only get one tut from me and that would be directed at the parents....at the end of the day it's not important.

When I were a lass (many years ago) people wore very formal clothing.

When DH died, recently, people turned up in various things - and that was fine.

Times have changed.

Most, to be fair, were dressed in "sober" colours.

After those conversations, I would be pleased that they had picked out weather appropriate clothing, and weren’t concerning themselves about the judgement of those who get worked up about, and offended by, standard body parts. What I would “do” is probably get in the car, drive to the venue, checking in with how they’re feeling about the event on the way, pay our respects, then attend the wake if invited.

What are you talking about?

Your distaste at people 'looking amazing' at a funeral. Which is evidently so deep that you needed to tell the entirety of MN about it.

They're mourning. And you're bitching. It's not a good look for you.

So your concern over appearance would trump their desire and need to grieve and say goodbye?

5238gap
There are still some individuals who don't understand that clothes do not define a person and will look at what you're wearing and assume things about your personality and attitude.

But I would argue that they do - they're choices which signal to the world, unless you've had absolutely NO choice in what you wear yourself eg uniforms or absolute destitution.

For people (able to afford any kind of choice) clothes are a way of expressing their personality and attitudes If I dressed like someone from the Handmaid's Tale, you'd make assumptions about me, and fair enough.

A bit off-topic, but it's funny how the mention of funerals brings out the more pious MNer (grieving, mourning etc). For all we know, the teenagers in question were the deceased second cousins twice removed. In which case they'd have been attending purely because it is a social expectation, not because they were grieving so much that they couldn't think straight.

Of course, they could also have been the siblings of the deceased, in which case they would likely be poleaxed with grief.

But you can't assume every attendee at a funeral is that bothered. My DP went to a funeral last week of someone who was once quite a good friend, but whom he hadn't seen for ages. He was sorry that she had died, but took an hour off work, went to the funeral, and went back to work.

Regardless of how well you knew the deceased, you should still dress appropriately for the occasion, whether it be a wedding, a job interview, a Christening or a funeral. Or even a hen party. There must be loads of women who feel compelled to go on hen weekends and have to wear stupid "Team Bride" t shirts and whatnot - because that's what's expected. The alternative is not to go.

Thank you for backing me up on that. I appreciate it. I've seen the same thing at several cathedrals. Thank you.

It’s not respectful, it was a funeral …

There's a difference between going out of ones way to adopt a costume with a meaning attached to it and wearing the everyday contents of ones wardrobe that are part of the mainstream clothing choices for your demographic. Yesterday I saw lots of teens and young women wearing similar outfits to those described by the OP. The only thing they were communicating is that they're followers of current fashion for young women. All that changes for the girls at the funeral is they wore them in a setting that the OP and some others considered inappropriate. Which tells us nothing about their inner character and attitudes at all, other than maybe, at a stretch, that they're conformist within their peer group.
I highly doubt that if they intended their outfits to speak for them they'd be addressing the likes of the OP anyway, much less making a statement of disrespect for the proceedings through the medium of lycra.

Exactly. Those clothes aren’t a statement to them they are just what fashionable young women are wearing. Both my dds and all their friends (sporty hard working “nice” girls state and private) dress like this, I think the clash comes when older people who don’t have much to do with young girls expect “tailored trousers” but it’s so far outside the girls norm they won’t do it.

Well if enough people decide its OK to go to church in beach wear, of course we'll end up accepting it. Just as we've ended up accepting that you don't need to wear a hat or a suit for church.
Boundaries around clothing choices for any occasion constantly stretch and change over time. At the moment few would think beach wear and bare chests were 'appropriate' but clearly, amongst the young in particular, revealing clothes are becoming increasingly so.
And just like in previous decades when corsets were dispensed with, women donned trousers, mini skirts appeared and men put on eyeliner, there's a little flurry of shock and 'discust' around it before it all settles down to be the norm.