AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

Why was a grieving widower talking to a neighbourhood teenager about her attire, in advance of the funeral?

Etiquette is not about "making people feel comfortable," it is about prescribed rules and conventions for social behaviour.

Not drawing attention to oneself at a funeral by wearing inappropriately tight, revealing or skimpy attire is one of the rock-bottom basic rules.

#tryingtobebrave #gettingoveritnow #funeralfashiontips

Loving all the Hyacinths work on this thread! Imagining them all in royal blue flowery hats, court shoes and pursed lips!

So are you saying you have zero opinion on anything?

When there's a thread: 'My mother in law did xyz' do you just say, live and let live!

'My neighbour parks on my driveway every day because I don't have a car.'

etc.

Every single thread in AIBU is about people having opinions.

You don't have to turn to ad hominems when you disagree.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune even the slightest bit of research will tell you that etiquette absolutely IS about making people feel comfortable!

Within limits.

Let's not be disingenous.

Although the Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy girls prancing about at a funeral would admittedly be interesting.

The same way anyone else does when they’re advising people on what to wear? E.g. in this case, something his deceased wife would have loved. Nothing weird about that. Or is just because she was a teenager and she was a man that you find it weird?

Funerals are to mourn the dead, not teenage fashion.

I generally couldn't care less about what other people wear but it does seem a bit inappropriate for a funeral. At my mum's funeral my sister in law's teenage niece (so no relation to my mum, barely knew her in fact) turned up wearing a very short, black body con dress which on it's own would probably have been fine(ish) but she had topped it off with an extremely large, wide brimmed black hat jauntily worn on an angle like she was off to Royal Ascot. It just looked really out of place and a bit attention seeking TBH, like she was trying to steal the show at the funeral of someone she'd met only a handful of times. Bizarre.

Sadly I went to a young person's funeral recently (20yo). All the young women were dressed like that. I think they put on whatever black formal clothes they had and for most that meant clubbing gear.

At DH's funeral DS1's relatively new 17yo gf attended. I didn't really know her at that point. She's a tall young woman with endless legs and she wore a very short blskc dress with black tights (on one of the hottest days of the year). Despite everything, I remember wondering who'd advised her because it seemed more respectful than I'd expect from a 17yo who probably didn't have a lot of experience of funerals.

Can’t get upset about this tbh - I’ve been to a couple of funerals lately (including a teenager’s) and can’t tell you what people were wearing, it’s not the point.

I agree op - there’s something called dressing for the occasion and it is the parents job to make sure that they learn it.

Was probably the only black item in their wardrobe.

Not something I would wear now or when I was a teen. But equally YABU for judging them on what they were wearing.

I agree OP. There are rules, both written, unwritten and unspoken even, but they all keep society going. Showing respect and acting/dressing appropriately for the occassion is one example of this. Soon enough we'll have posts declaring that walking around tesco or sitting in church in a thong with nipple tassles is fine because all the pink bits are covered

You've literally just proved my point. I am good looking. Why shouldn't I say so? It's hardly a personal affront to other people because I happen to have been born with traditionally attractive features. And yet, you seem to have found it distasteful for me to have dared to mention it.

Why do you even care? How does it affect you?

Maybe read up about it a little more; etiquette has many facets which include rules and conventions but all have a basis in treating people well. Being sneery isn't any part of that. Your judgement is as impotent as it is rude.

Because she asked him what she should wear.

So having an opinion, inside one's own head, is rude?

Yes, if I had gone up to them and wagged my finger at them, that would have been rude. But to have the thought they are rude to wear that to a funeral is, in your opinion, also rude?

I think those Spanx unitard things are deeply unreasonable in any context, apart if you were perhaps about to take a turn on the parallel bars. They make people look as though they’re naked. The Kardashian’s have a lot to answer for.

However many teenage girls tend to like to wear whatever’s currently in fashion/their friends are wearing without many other considerations.

Well, there was someone upthread talking about how they had seen someone in Tesco in a thong and see through swimming cover, and people rushed to defend the tesco-thong-wearer, so you're not far off.

Is this thread a mirage then, ThatFraggle? There won't be women on here sick and tired of being judged by bosom-hoikers like you? You've made a point of making your thoughts public so, expect responses.

These thoughts are never, ever about boys/men though, are they? Women are targets for everybody and that is sickening.

Yes, because a thong is exactly the same thing, isn't it?

You've made some snide comments about the girls at the funeral, OP, just own that. I don't think funerals are the time and place for judgement but, clearly standards have slipped quite far.