AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

Possibly quite hard for people that don't own those sorts of clothes and don't have the money to splash buying them especially.

I agree that people should have manners, but when the "manners" in question are just adhering to specific clothing related traditions that make people feel obliged to put themselves under financial strain, I find that more depressing, tbh.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where people do judge you on how you look are you marriage material, intelligent looking, do you fit in the culture of a work environment, or other.

Each year, 15 milion girls are married before they are 18. That's one in four girls. Education is a powerful tool that will help our young girls succeed in life. Let's close the gender gap together and help our daughters to be independent in life.

A lot of people do not understand what dressing for occasions means.
last week a colleague of mine turned up for a work meeting at a conference centre away from work (normal office wear required) in what I can only describe as hot pants and the smallest top I've ever seen because it was very hot. We all gawped. You could see her arse cheeks.
She was sent home.

I literally couldn’t bring myself to care

It's a shame schools and colleges don't do the same. They had every right to turn her away does she have teenage daughters and is trying to keep up with them.

Some posters on here, sound very jealous of attractive young women. Maybe these posters (including the OP,) feel tinges of jealousy and resentment because those days are behind them, and/or they know they could never get away with wearing the same outfits.

😂😂😂

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should...

You know when you are young and attractive enough, you stay young and attractive even when you wear appropriate clothing? Some people seem to suffer from a lot of insecurity and resentment, insecurity being understandable for a young teen, but it gets a bit sad later.😂

You have to love the miffed posters on MN taking comments strangely personally

So as long as you don't get arrested for public indecency, you can wear as skimpy an outfit as you want to a funeral? That's what you're saying?

If the family of the deceased are OK with that, then yes, of course you can. What's 'appropriate' is down to the immediately family to decide.

You are entitled to think someone's outfit is 'grim' if it's not to your taste. You would be entitled to be unhappy about someone turning up to the funeral of your parent/spouse/child in a skimpy outfit. But you don't get to police what's 'appropriate' for other families; it's up to them.

My cousin's daughters wore jeans and velour hoodies to my uncle's funeral. I personally would have made them dress a bit more smartly if they'd been my kids at my father's funeral, but as it was my cousin's father who had died, it was absolutely up to him to decide what his kids could/couldn't wear. And I'm pretty sure my uncle (their grandad) would have wanted them wearing whatever they were most comfortable in.

I'm not really sure why you're even asking this question. You've already made up your mind what you think, and you're arguing with anyone who thinks differently. What you're really saying is not 'AIBU to think this is grim?' but 'I enjoy slagging off grieving families for their sartorial choices, and I would like everyone else to pile on and join in.'

Whether people like it or not, each generations time to dictate what is appropriate for an occasion lasts only until the next generation changes the rules.
When I was young jeans and trainers were inappropriate office wear, tight fitting clothing was deemed inappropriate for overweight women, men who stepped outside of masculine dress codes had their sexuality questioned, and school girls weren't allowed to wear trousers.
Norms evolve and people, particularly young people, will create their own appropriate. Trying to stay in your comfort zone by pushing your ideas of what is 'fitting' on to a new generation is doomed to failure. Which is just as well, or we'd all still be in corsets.

I literally couldn't give a single shit about this.

I've been to funerals that were formal, dark attire affairs and some that were much more casual, including one where the deceased's football team strip was worn by as many as could muster it, and the rest of us were smart casual, which included good jeans and t-shirts.

Funerals are much more adaptable these days. Anything goes. All you have to do is check out the dress code with the family beforehand.

@IamstilltheWalrus What I find utterly depressing in this thread is to see how many people.
pride themselves on being above social rules and basic manners, and smugly would refuse to give any clue to their own children

I am not going to read the thread again but I didn't see anyone say that they would refuse to give their kid advice on funeral clothing let alone be smug about it ???

There are lots of posters saying they wouldn't be judging other people (especially teens!) for wearing clothes that are not traditionally suitable to a funeral.

I generally wouldn't be offended by anything someone choose to wear unless of course they were deliberately wearing something to be offensive! I might notice unusual fashion choices but I wouldn't think it import any enough to matter.

@Twinsmummy1812 I only thought you were being unpleasant about the teens attending the funeral because it sounded like you thought it was disrespectful and when I genuinely wouldn't. I felt it was a really negative way of thinking. In such tragic circumstances I would be surprised if anyone minded. If it was just a matter of 'clicking' what they were wearing then I think that's a different thing. I think I could potentially do that too Like you say the main thing is that lots of people attended which I hope bought some comfort to everyone.

I agree that people should have manners, but when the "manners" in question are just adhering to specific clothing related traditions that make people feel obliged to put themselves under financial strain, I find that more depressing, tbh.

Primark, George, F & F are cheap.

I agree with you wholeheartedly op but sadly we will be in the minority. Standards of expected dress have dropped for work, going to the theatre so why not funerals next. I think dressing appropriately shows respect for the occasion.

But not free. I have no money to spend on clothes currently. Should I do it anyway so people feel like I've made enough of an effort?

You CAN hate it, but in some cases (including on this thread,) it happens to be true.

What does your wardrobe contain?

You don't have to wear all black. I went to a funeral and managed to pull out a garment appropriate for a funeral. What if you lost your job and had to attend an interview?

@IamstilltheWalrus

😂😂😂

You have to love the miffed posters on MN being weirdly jealous and catty about attractive young women wearing racy/slightly revealing outfits. Being so jealous and resentful that they create a scathing thread, where equally jealous and resentful posters can pile on and attack other women for how they choose to dress.

Are we in the 1800s? No, thought not.

Imagine if it was reversed, and someone started a spiteful thread about women over 50 dressing 'inappropriately.' (according to them.) They'd have their arse handed to them on a plate. And quite rightly so. Just because they're young, doesn't make it OK. Amazing how some women can be as misogynistic as some men!

Why is your way right? We’re all individuals.

Good for you!

If I or any other poster lost our job and had to find an outfit I'm sure we'd manage it, but it's no business of yours how.

Neither is it any business of yours how we, or the girls this thread is about, would dress at a funeral.

How other people dress: Not. Your. Business.

@Hotsummerlatenightstrolls As I mentioned upthread, if I went to one now I'd have to wear my tatty black maternity leggings. I'm self employed and work from home so I don't own any particularly formal clothes, especially in my post baby size. Similarly, teenagers are also obviously growing so won't have an established wardrobe with clothes for every occasion.

If I had a job interview I'd have to go out and buy something smart... but that's because I'd have no choice. I don't think it's a particularly positive thing to hold people to that standard, either for a job interview or to say goodbye to a loved one.

And I think most people assume they need to wear black to a funeral. Especially when combined with the examples shown of what teenagers will have in their mind from tv shows featuring funerals, I don't think it's surprising they'd think it better to wear a short, form fitting black dress than more modest clothes that were in a different colour.

You don’t need a funeral ‘outfit’. But they sound inappropriately dressed for the occasion.

Happy to be called old fashioned.

I'm not saying my way is the only right way. Yes we are all individuals but there are social norms, where do we draw the line? Are scruffy clothes OK as long as they are clean or is it OK now to venture out in clothes that are dirty and smelly that someone has to endure on public transport. Would you like to sit next to a teenager at a funeral whose clothes are revealing more than anyone wants to see?

Of course we are all individual, I believe the rights of the individual have overtaken the rights of society as a whole and not just dress codes either. Someone upthread is probably right though. What is considered appropriate is always evolving and I would not like to wear corsets nowadays.

Americano75 · Today 12:24
I really hate the 'older women just jealous of younger women' pish.

Oh, please....

This must be the most half-baked, reductionist comment I've read yet.

The reflex accusation of jealousy as an explanation of anything people criticise is so pathetic. I would criticise people vandalising a bus shelter - it doesn't mean I'm jealous and want to join in!

And it's so often a woman-to-woman accusation, because women are really just bitchy, aren't they?🙄

Like I said up thread we live in a judgemental society and you can't change that. If you have daughters or sons they will be judged on how they look, speak, their principles, marriage material, trustworthiness etc etc etc.

Young people will have a place in society based on their education and how they present themselves. As parents, we should teach our young people that. There is a time and a place for everything no one can have it all.

Yet again so many people with their faux confusion over what the OP is suggesting is wrong and why.
It really is no wonder the world is going the way it is with the amount of absolute idiots who "raise" kids to do whatever they want, never having to answer or explain their actions. Or, apparently, dress appropriately for any given occasion. Maybe try teaching them, or telling them no once in a while?

Like you say OP, why not a bikini? If they're comfortable let them apparently 🤷‍♀️ but then the same obtuse idiots would say "I don't see a problem?"

@aSofaNearYou they are watching Love Island or the Only Way is Essex. They are their role models which I find absurd. My son who is in primary school is learning about the first female pilot and the first female pilot designer. Young women don't like to read about their history on what women have achieved. Even on this thread they are still talking about women who were oppressed back then not about women who were ambitious and worked hard for their place to be recognised as a person to be listened to and respected.