AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

Well I've never seen that at any church or cathedral I've visited
It's against the ethos os Christianity.
I go to church in shorts, vest tops, low cut tops, shorter skirts... no one tells me I'm disrespectful.

@Twinsmummy1812

you see, I'd assume that the sliders were some 'in joke' (or fashion) they had with the lad that had died & in that vein I wouldn't see the issue with what anything the young people wore. They probably knew him better than anyone (yes, even than his parents) and wore what they thought was relevant.

@MooFroo

i couldn't give even the slightest shiney if some one is wearing a thong like that in a supermarket, I'd prefer that than PJ's.

who is impacted by her wearing it?

I would expect a back story. A friend's child died some years back, and her dance group all wore an outfit from a performance they did together. They had big coats on the top as it was winter, but took them off at the wake, so you probably wouldn't have liked it OP. I actually found it very moving and know her parents did too, she was still in their group even after death.

Hey OP and others,

How about you fuck off with your unwanted sneery opinions?

I was a teen when my dad died and I have no idea what I wore to the funeral. It could have been pyjamas for all I know as I was in a daze for days afterwards.

Yes, plenty of folk like you make a big deal of ‘being seen’ attending a funeral and being gossipy hoors, but for those deeply affected by the death of a loved one, we don’t care about what people wear, just being there to offer support is enough.

Yes, a couple of teenage girls wearing slightly revealing clothing in a heatwave is EXACTLY the same as breaking and entering. Not a tortuous, overegged analogy at all.

Of course some elements of etiquette are necessary for everyone to rub along nicely in society but etiquette has also historically been used as a tool of oppression, particularly of women. It's important to apply critical thinking to it and to encourage people to defy convention in some areas. So all this snooty social contract bollocks doesn't wash with me.

Those girls did no harm to anyone with their outfits. You don't always get things right at 13. What's really grim is a grown woman noticing them enough to judge them, getting in such a state about it that she has to post her judgment of them on the internet hours later, and then spending two days frothing online about them.

Anti-youth attitudes are weirdly common on MN.

I'm wearing bright, lycra cycle shorts right now
And if a certain friend died today I'd consider wearing similar to her funeral because they are the same as ones she's well known for wearing and I'd consider it a sign of rememberance.

Ahhhhh because you know that dressing like that is inappropriate.

anyway as you can see and read it was a suggestion and you know fine well turning up half dressed wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

happy Friday!

Different situation - sorry!

I'm not a believer but I once worked in an RC faith school and at the end of the summer term the students had a special mass from a visiting bish. They were allowed to wear their own clothes.

Oh my goodness - they eye-popping things that came to school that day. Only God knows where the bishop managed to let his eyes rest. They really were clubbing outfits, and for clubbing they were right on the button. It was an affluent area and the kids would definitely have had more than one outfit, so I'm surprised that the parents, who'd all had to sign up to a kind of social contract, hadn't advised their children better on perhaps more sober, less attention-seeking gear for a solemn religious service.

I don't know what the thinking was behind the 'own clothes' decision and I think blame must lie with the Head for that. But in your teens, surely it's time to begin to understand the concept of appropriate clothing?? I'm not getting into judgements about what's revealing/modest etc - please note!! Or 'telling women what they can wear'. No - I'm just saying that sometimes the message from clothes can be 'Look at ME! and other times it need to be much less attention-grabbing - when it's not about THEM.

@gannett

It's not a tortuous analogy at all. PP was asking how anyone is supposed to know what is appropriate.

The same way we know all these other things.

If I'm feeling a bit tired on a walk, I know I can't just knock on a random door and ask to rest on their sofa for 5 minutes. (I'm not talking about being taken ill).

There are many many unwritten rules of society which we know.

That's one interesting thing about travel, seeing the different rules in a different place, even if you share a common language.

Drawing attention to ourselves at solemn rites is in poor taste.

Well, one of the unwritten rules in my social circles would be that you don't sneer at teenage mourners' outfits.

They are doing you no harm whatsoever. You don't need to be concerned about them and your opinion is utterly irrelevant to them and their families.

Focus on yourself more.

I'd assume they had no money (or didn't want to spare the money) to buy special 'funeral' clothes for teens who - one would really hope - would grow out of them after a single wear.

At my mother-in-law's funeral, there were quite a few people who were clearly wearing something they already owned that was black - some quite obvious party dresses rather than mourning wear. Nobody took offence; it's not a rich area and they wouldn't have been expected to buy special 'funeral clothes'.

It's a privilege to be able to afford the perfect outfit for every occasion; sometimes people have to make do.

Anyone can draw attention regardless of what they wear
"Oh look. There's X. They made it after all"
"Oh no, Y just tripped over accidentally
Or even
"WOW, Z is dressed super appropriately for the funeral and I love that dress"

If I turned up in brigh leggings to this funeral it would be
"Oh she did love her leggings didn't she?"

Hear hear!

Whoever these girls are, they've bereaved. I can't believe people think it's appropriate to sneer at their outfits.

unless they were told specifically to wear what they like then no absolutely it was inappropriate.
their parents should have told them what to wear and was is deemed appropriate to wear to a traditional funeral.

What I find utterly depressing in this thread is to see how many people.
pride themselves on being above social rules and basic manners, and smugly would refuse to give any clue to their own children.

I know there are many threads about people becoming more and more selfish, but it puzzles me how so many must always be the centre of attention, must have every event around them and don't give a second of care for anyone else.
Is it linked to social media, the need for constant selfie and the impression they are the star of some reality show?

We are not talking about exaggerated strict dress code, just some appropriate clothing. How hard can it be.

I agree that it was a stupid decision to make it a non-uniform day! I suspect that part of the problem was that they cared more about impressing their peers than the bishop, but also that they may genuinely have not understood the difference between 'the outfit you like the best and feel you look best in' and 'the best outfit for this occasion', and that might also be the case for the funeral. I agree with the poster upthread that pointed out that tv - where funeral outfits are always entirely black but also often very sexy - isn't helpful here. This is a screenshot from a teen drama funeral scene, which I don't think is a handy guide for anyone who hasn't been to one before!

I am very very slow to judge young people for what they wear. They are just starting out and finding their way. Pretty much all my friends (mums of teens) have a similar mindset - the opposite of this po faced op.

@gannett

Yes, a couple of teenage girls wearing slightly revealing clothing in a heatwave is EXACTLY the same as breaking and entering. Not a tortuous, overegged analogy at all.

Of course some elements of etiquette are necessary for everyone to rub along nicely in society but etiquette has also historically been used as a tool of oppression, particularly of women. It's important to apply critical thinking to it and to encourage people to defy convention in some areas. So all this snooty social contract bollocks doesn't wash with me.

Those girls did no harm to anyone with their outfits. You don't always get things right at 13. What's really grim is a grown woman noticing them enough to judge them, getting in such a state about it that she has to post her judgment of them on the internet hours later, and then spending two days frothing online about them.

Anti-youth attitudes are weirdly common on MN.

100% this. The level of histrionics and hysteria on this thread (from some posters,) about how young girls are dressed these days, and how disgraceful it is that these girls dressed in a bit of a racy outfit for a funeral, is laughable. 😆

Some posters on here, sound very jealous of attractive young women. Maybe these posters (including the OP,) feel tinges of jealousy and resentment because those days are behind them, and/or they know they could never get away with wearing the same outfits.

Yep! Posting a rude and scathing thread about these young women is FAR more GRIM than any outfit anyone has ever worn!

You need to get out more @ThatFraggle And so do a few more posters on this thread!

I agree with you OP, regardless of whether it was a church funeral or not.

And I don't believe for one single solitary second that those people saying 'not your business' and 'why do you care' wouldn't have a) told their own children to change into something more appropriate (and guided them if they didn't have a clue); b) at least have something to say afterwards to their significant other or a friend. At the very least, they'd be thinking the same as you.

We unfortunately had a funeral not so long ago. My children went - they wore their school uniform as the only smartish clothing they have.

Absolutely this!

Spot on ebony 100 % agree

There’s only one “grim” person in this scenario and it’s not the young girls.

I really hate the 'older women just jealous of younger women' pish.