AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

^ This

OK and?

Why does it really matter?

Sure I wouldn't wear it but really?

They were at the funeral so I would assume they had lost someone they loved. What they wore really isn't that important.

I expect they picked the only black clothes they had. An adult should have advised them that all black wasn't necessary and that tight, short clothes were not suitable for the occasion, but I couldn't get worked up about it.

Someone wearing their pyjamas to the shops would bother me more than what you’ve described.

Of course it’s inappropriate but given the responses on here are you surprised people turn up looking a state?

permissive parenting and a lack of respect for others and traditions has led to exactly what you described

Inappropriate according to which authority?

I don't think my 13 year old would know how to dress appropriately for a funeral. I also think I'd need to buy her a new outfit as all of her clothes are either sportswear or as you describe. She would definitely need my input to avoid her dressing in black short shorts. Maybe these girls didn't have someone to give them that feedback.

@Thisisbollocksmark 👏👏👏

We have the same at our local church, but with Christenings. They'll publish photos each month of the Christening with all families, godparents and friends, and there's ALWAYS one ruining the photos by being dressed in something wildly unsuitable for church which would probably be considered risky in a lot of nightclubs too. It doesn't upset me, its actually funny seeing how completely out of place they look.

I think this is the point, really. It's great to have that much body confidence as a teenage girl, but we all know that in life there are dress codes. It doesn't mean you have to dress like a surrendered wife, just modify the look a little.

It’s not easy with teens though. As a parent you suggest but what do you do if they refuse? You have a row on your hands plus you have to be pretty careful not criticising their appearance / choices it can have a long lasting impact. Dh and I have not chosen clothes as the hill to die on. Assuming the judgy posters either have tiny children or compliant biddable teens.

We got a letter from the widow afterwards saying how pleased she was that our teens had attended. That’s the important thing not making them dress like Kate Middleton.

Well, no one says they have to dress like Kate Middleton. Come on now. There's a middle way.
Anyway, all the girls I teach wear those tight very short skirts so it's obviously a thing.

It's not the clothes that are the risky things in the night clubs. It's the men who sexually assault women.

Well I think you all sound like dreadful Hyacinth Bucket types. Maybe you know think about the deceased at funerals rather than sneering at young women.

Perhaps the deceased was a grandparent and was proud of her grandchildren and couldn’t care less what they wore? It’s not for the general public to dictate what someone wears - it’s a decision by the family - not you.
We spend Christmas Day in pj’s - all three generations - the grandparents love it - no one is offended.

We are having a few “issues” with Dd2s outfit choices she came with me to see my mum in hospital and afterwards I said to mum “see what I am dealing with” and mum was adamant she looked gorgeous and was thrilled to see her. Think it’s only the middle aged busy bodies that care - the people that really matter don’t.

I should have expected that shouldn't I?

I wasn't thinking risky as in being attacked by an evil preditory man, I was thinking more along the lines of having an escapee boob pop out of a jodie marsh style 'belt' dress. Which I'd be mortified about even if I was in a nightclub of only straight women.

When my friends teen DS died, all his friends, male and female turned up dressed for a night out. Girls full on glam, boys in new shirts with fresh hair cuts. Pulling out the stops with their appearance was their way of honouring the occasion. Sometimes older generations just need to accept that there's a new type of appropriate. Otherwise we'd still be in veiled hats and covering up our mirrors.

So what?! Why do you care what other women wear? You can wear a twin set and pearls out clubbing if you like others will make other choices. This thread is like being back in 1952

So those who think it's fine, what's your 'limit' or is there no limit at all?

If someone chose to turn up in a thong string bikini, 'because people should just be happy they turned up' would that be ok?

If, not ok, why is it not ok? Why does that reasoning not apply to hotpants at a funeral?

That sounds lovely 5128.

Also, think about the last time you went clubbing. Now think about your last job interview?

Why didn't you wear the clubbing outfit to the job interview? You looked good clubbing, didn't you?

Why do some places have 'appropriate' clothing that you do stick to, even though you're on Mumsnet saying hotpants at a funeral are fine?

Is it because there is a consequence - not getting the job/being fired?

Who is the mystery arbiter of what is or isn’t acceptable? Op? Prince Charles? I would be interested to know.

I would be wondering why they'd chosen that - if the bikini was colourful. But wearing a short/tight dress in black, I'd be thinking the obvious - they thought they had to wear black and this is all they had. I wouldn't judge them for not going out and buying a slightly more modest black outfit specifically for the occasion. If I had to go to a funeral right now and had to wear black, I'd have to wear my slightly shabby maternity leggings. I can't afford to splash out on a formal black outfit, and the last thing anyone needs whilst dealing with a loss is more financial pressure.

Eh? What does sitting about on Christmas day have to do with turning up to a funeral with your arse hanging out and barely dressed?

i wouldn’t allow my daughters to go out dressed like that on any given day never mind to a funeral.