AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

I would never judge a child I would judge their mother or parents. As a parent you support and take pride in your children.

Some people don’t have parents, or don’t have parents who can tell them how to behave at events, I don’t, I don’t always get it right, I try, I get it wrong, I’m fifty now, I get it right now, it wasn’t always this way.

Either way it's all subjective about what a person should wear to a funeral, One person's suitable outfit is another person's omg how dare they wear x, etc

Dd2 went to Dh uncle funeral in a black mini dress and large dark glasses. She looked like a super glam supermodel as if she was at a different event to everyone else. Dh aunts had quite a heated debate at the wake afterwards all saying how dd2 was the spit of them at the same age. Dd2 chatted to the oldies and cheered everyone up so on balance I think we got away with it,

My niece turned up to a family funeral in a black bodycon mini dress. I saw the funeral directors raise their eyebrows at each other which made me despise them not her.

are hotpants at a church funeral something a reasonable person would think is ok?

No, of course not.

But I can imagine a scenario in which this happens - teens supporting their friend who is bereaved, for example, by coming to the service, might not have been part of any adult wondering if what they’re wearing is OK.

I’d have been taken aback too, but ultimately… meh.

My daughter wouldn’t attend a funeral in those clothes no. Time and place

They are there. That’s what matters. The fact they are not dressed as minor royals is neither here nor there.

Thanks for saying this, you said it better than I could.

Maybe rather than judging you could have spoken with them and found out how they knew the deceased. Or don’t you socialise at the wake? Are you just there for the buffet?

YANBU

Even if it's not ideal I couldn't be bothered getting judgey about it. It just doesn't matter enough.

The OP has gone to a funeral and the thing she is thinking about is what clothes some teens are wearing. Is that arguably more disrespectful than the teens clothing. She is judging and disapproving (albeit without a cats bum face 😅) rather than thinking about the poor person who died.

If you feel confronted and embarrassed by other people's legs, I do consider that to be your own personal problem. It's certainly not my role to dress in a manner that some random woman wouldn't take umbrage to. Where does that thinking end? You are surely aware that displaying your ankles or shoulders or hair would be considered problematic for others? Is that their problem or is it yours?

Also, my grandmother got a shout out at her funeral for her "short skirts and sexy legs" - direct quote. She was still in mini skirts in her eighties. Presumably you'd find that confronting and embarrassing too. Again, that's not my problem and she wouldn't have considered it hers. I'm proud of my grandmother and happy to continue her tradition of keeping the very nice legs I've inherited in the outfits I choose.

So yeah, you can just cope with the trauma of having to look at other women's legs as far as I'm concerned. Life is hard, isn't it?

I kind of agree with you OP. There was a funeral in our town yesterday for a teenager who was tragically killed in a car accident and some of the girls walking along the road looked like they were going clubbing with short skimpy outfits and weirdly chunky rubber colourful sliders. Everyone was in black as well which I haven’t seen at a funeral for years. I don’t understand why they would think that was appropriate and think a grown up should have guided them but I guess at least they showed up?

Their skimpy outfits not being appropriate not the wearing black I mean!

I wonder what the teen who died would have wanted. I wouldn't be surprised if the teens dressed as though they were going were purposely dressed like that. I think it's really unpleasant and unkind to judge them for it.

Totally agree @ThatFraggle ! Parents and children need to think more and behave appropriately for certain situations to show respect and honour for others.

way too many people think they have the right to do/wear/behave how they want and don’t care about who is impacted by their choices.

E.g - Woman with 2 toddler kids was walking around the supermarket in a bikini with a thong ‘covered’ in a very see through chiffon tunic - you could see her butt crack next to the milk!

Ffs there’s a time and a place to wear a bikini and it ain’t the supermarket on a weekday in England!

show some respect to the people, the place and the occasion you are going to!

Fortunately churches in this country don't ban people for what they wear being as churches are for everyone...

I wore shorts and a blouse that had holes in it that you could see skin through to my Nana's funeral. I wasn't sure about it but my mom, her daughter, told me I should. I also ended up in trainers not heels.

I've been to other funerals in above the knee dresses, strappy tops etc.

Fun fact. Just because they are wearing shorts or tight fitting doesn't mean they are inviting attention or want to be stared at. It might mean that, yes, but it could also just as much mean "I like this outfit, think I look good and I'm comfortable."

Well said, and I fully agree.

Exactly.

You almost feel sorry for people raised with such deficits to their situational awareness. How on earth do they manage to earn a living?

Actually, I love visiting old cathedrals and churches and I've been to several in this country that have boards outside saying that people in certain attire won't be let in...

why can't wider morals be discussed on a forum?

They were inappropriately dressed (for a funeral) not immoral!

In the scheme of things does it really matter?