AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

Yes it's inappropriate.
More and more people seem to either be unaware of or not see the importance of appropriate behaviour in different situations and it is damaging to society. These things do matter. When large numbers of people have to live closely and interact with each other this shit matters.

I think its a great deal more 'grim' for a grown woman to look at three school girls who have lost a relative or friend and your takeaway to be a critique of their outfits. Where's your respect OP?

I agree, and I don't think people need to be told what's appropriate to wear for a funeral, either, most people would know in their mid teens that the outfit should be sombre/formal.

And either way their parents should've told them to get changed.

Where's your respect OP?

@5128gap Where was the girls' respect?

If we were attending a not so close persons funeral to support other friends or family i would have the energy to insist 14 year old dd change.

If it was a closer person I would be grieving and less likely to get into an argument with dd, also considering dd herself grieving and not wanting to cause additional drama.

So no not ideal for a church but would be sympathetic.

Because they are drawing attention to themselves, making it all about them. When once in their lives it’s not all about them.

I have no idea. Hopefully in their minds as they took part in the ritual to mourn the deceased. Which is exactly what the OP should have been doing not staring at children and posting about their clothing on MN.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune There is such a thing as appropriate clothing. Always has been, going back to ancient cultures, and always will be. The tired old "who cares what anyone wears anywhere, it's none of your business" rejoinder is frankly willfully obtuse.

Obtuse is the word. I've been on the receiving end of women "not caring" what I wear.

But wouldn't it be important to teach those young people that it matters to YOU and to others how they present themselves? Or to give the nod to someone else, "please check the girls/boys/teens? are wearing something suitable"

Very disrespectful but not surprising. Some people don’t have the ability to guide their children and teach them about social etiquette.

Pre-DCs, DH and I went to a very quiet CofE Good Friday service (so, you wouldn't wear black, but you would definitely try to be respectful) and we were constantly disturbed by two 10 year olds (I knew them slightly, they were twins) playing on their devices (it was so long ago I think they were GameBoys).
I now have two DCs of roughly that age one of whom has ADHD and struggles with a lot of things but he is used to church, knows what it's about, knows the routines and the etiquette, and (especially if it's just him and one parent) is very calm and non-disruptive with no devices, dresses (moderately) appropriately (i.e. no pyjamas, no dressing up clothes!).
For him, it's been getting him used to the service since he was a baby but for an older DC a quick briefing and maybe arriving early to show them round/showing them a video beforehand would be all that's necessary.
It's all about working out what will make your DC comfortable while also making other members of the congregation comfortable - my DCs moan but they know they aren't allowed electronics at church, but they are allowed a colouring book/lego/a puzzle/to ask to run around outside for 5 minutes. They know that pyjamas might be OK if picking up a sibling from an activity later in the evening but not for an outing to the cinema/church.

👍

"don't. But if the children haven't been taught by this point, then maybe they need to learn another way. I'm not suggesting the vicar getting into the pulpit and hurling damnation at them!"

@Gracewithoutend I imagine they learned by finding themselves at a funeral being stared at by some folk, and realising how different their clothes were from everyone else's.

They may have got up thinking 'funeral, must wear black. Blacks ok, I've got black. Phew. '

So you don’t even know who they were? Sounds like you were a random attendee and they were family. So really none of your business.

I'm with you OP- I'd definitely be judging too. Parents don't parent anymore though as is evident from many of the responses this thread. My dd certainly wouldn't have been allowed to go to a funeral dressed like that. Jeans and a t-shirt would be more appropriate!

I think what you describe is inappropriate too. There was an upset about Katherine Jenkins' cleavage at Margaret Thatcher's funeral I remember and I have to admit that I do think cleavages are inappropriate in any places of worship really but not worth getting your knickers in a twist over.

Funerals however are about paying your respects to someone; "respect" being the operative word, and as such, trying to look sexy is inappropriate.

Full credit to them for attending but no, their outfits don't sound particularly appropriate for the occasion. Not the end of the world but I'm sure the OP wasn't suggesting so, despite some of the replies here.

Next time start a thread about wearing white to a wedding OP, in MN World that's your big no-no, not skimpy outfits at a funeral.

I've only ever been to crematorium funerals, but people dress in appropriate clothing there too, whether religion plays a part or not.

My atheist brother, my DP and assorted in laws wore dark suits and ties to my grans humanist funeral, it was so beautiful and such a loving and respectful tribute to her. Some people were less formal, nobody minded at all, but generally making an effort is seen as a mark of respect. I do love to see it.

The town mayor and “friend of my parents” raped me on a school trip when I was 15.
He committed suicide when I was in my 30s.
We went as a family to his funeral and I wore a red dress.
People looked at me as if I were the inappropriate one.
FFS.

I have seen many signs asking people to dress and behave respectfully, and I don't even visit churches for a hobby, isn't that interesting.

How is dressing appropriately and respectfully for a funeral " a very strict formal dress code". It's just manners. For people who go to Church every Sunday and for those who only attend a funeral.

@ThatFraggle I've been to church in Italy with bare shoulders so I don't know where you got that idea from

Yikes - who wants their DC known throughout the fam as the galz who showed off their own funeral flowers.

OP, it’s a bit rank but luckily you’re not their parents.

It Can be batshit on here. Posters regularly demonised for daring to wear red/navy/black/green/yellow/cream/white or any smidging of white to a wedding. Yet stating wearing very revealing, tight fitting clothing is completely fine for a funeral.
My dd went to a funeral and asked my opinion about a dress she was wearing. She did the same when she bought a dress for a wedding. I gave her my honest opinion. I would not let her go to a funeral dressed like the op describes.
I’m pleased dd values my opinion and has me to guide her. Maybe these children don’t value their parent’s opinion. Maybe their parents have no sense of dressing appropriately, who knows.
I go by the mantra: would you bat an eyelid if your child’s headteacher was wearing this outfit? If yes then it’s inappropriate if no then crack on.

Curious OP - how does the way someone is dressed relate to their morals?

I would think it inappropriate Op and think it’s their parents place to guide them on appropriate wear. They’d all presumably have a school uniform which would be more suitable than what they chose.