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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

435 replies

raisinglittleones · 21/06/2023 13:59

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

OP posts:
Buttermere12 · 21/06/2023 15:32

Also I get taking time off work. We did it in the holidays for the same reason but I still don't think an hour with clothes on would matter.

AngelAurora · 21/06/2023 15:34

Stop being so precious, it's Potty training not brain surgery.

KathyWilliams · 21/06/2023 15:34

I'm planning to follow the oh crap method and having him run around naked from the waist down at home for the first couple days

Confused

Other ways to potty train successfully are available.

And then you wouldn't have to overreact so ridiculously to the idea of someone visiting, either.

AJ09 · 21/06/2023 15:34

I'm guessing this is your first baby?
No older children?

Seriously, you should just put the potty out when you're home and encourage them to use it. Not block a week out in the diary and get it done then!

Your child might not be ready.

My son took a good few weeks to learn and I did it in the summer so he could run around in the garden in pants and if he had an accident, oh not to worry just change pants and not whole outfit and we good to go again. He learned eventually what to do when he needed a wee.

There was no stopping people coming around. You say you want your child as comfortable as possible and not overwhelmed , having someone you used to know come by will stop this??

Seriously you are being too precious about this.

crostini · 21/06/2023 15:35

cocksstrideintheevening · 21/06/2023 14:06

You are making a way bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.

What's a 2020 baby? January or December? Are they even ready? Blocking out time in the diary is rather bonkers.

I was going to say the opposite! Surely most 2020 babies are finished potty training... not the point though!
Don't let potty training, nap schedules, or anything else get in the way of life!

copenhagen84 · 21/06/2023 15:36

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:18

How does this method work when you go out? I've never heard of it. Assume they wear clothes then

@thebloodycatwontstopmeowing you don't go out for the first two days, that's the point. On the 3rd day you usually go out with trousers but no underpants, and after that you should have got it nailed.

Castlerock44 · 21/06/2023 15:36

Potty training needn't be a huge deal, and should be a gradual thing. It certainly won't be learned in a day. It sounds like you're building it up into something very serious.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 21/06/2023 15:38

I didn’t wait for my kid to be ‘ready’. I didn’t know what that meant or would look like. Still not sure what it means.

So when he had just turned two, I bought him a potty, got a book out the library, bought him a toy that took away all his nappies and bought him a present of a big pile of pants, and gave him a button every time he got it in the potty. He’d nailed it inside two days, with the odd accident when he was distracted.

No pressure.

But if you don’t want a random old man wandering round your house while your kid is nekked from the waist down, crapping behind the sofa, fair enough.

copenhagen84 · 21/06/2023 15:39

@KathyWilliams how long do those other methods take though? The OP wants it done in 3 days.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:42

I think I'd go mad if I couldn't go out for two days. My kids would too! Sounds so intense.

sunnydayhereandnow · 21/06/2023 15:42

Trying the oh crap method and blocking off time was one of the worst things that I ever tried with my 2019 baby. Totally stressful and ridiculous. All the focus is on the child peeing so of course you and they get stressed out by it - and older kids like yours will already be adept in peeing exactly when you are not looking… Much better to wait till they already have some control (eg can pee outside on a plant or in the bath) then just bung underpants on them, and a few accidents later they will have figured it out.

AngelAurora · 21/06/2023 15:43

raisinglittleones · 21/06/2023 14:22

Wow ok - obviously didn't add enough info.

To clarify I'm planning to follow the oh crap method and having him run around naked from the waist down at home for the first couple days. I have also booked time off work, apologies to everyone I've offended for being organised.

Thanks to those who have provided constructive feedback.

You have not offended anyone, but you are very precious tbh

copenhagen84 · 21/06/2023 15:44

My son took a good few weeks to learn

@AJ09 that's precisely the point! The OP is doing oh Crap which takes 3 days - she doesn't want the hassle of "a good few weeks" of potty training!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2023 15:45

It’s totally up to you what your do! Of course people’s reaction to that (ie if they think you’re being OTT) is up to them.

Im not going to cope well if people start referring to their kids by their year of birth though and expecting you to do the sum! Is a “2020 baby” currently 2 or 3 years old - it’s so much easier if people just say the age!

booboo82 · 21/06/2023 15:46

Oh ffs 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2023 15:47

Not offended but I’m not sure that it makes you more “organised” to choose this method than someone who chooses another method, or who would rather not take time do work. It’s just choices.

Bedtimemode · 21/06/2023 15:47

I trained DS using the oh crap method and I trained dd (who happens to be a 2020 baby) much more slowly and gradually and honestly the slow method was by far the best. I don't know who came up with this idea of doing it in three days but it's bloody stressful and the mess is horrific. You basically end up stuck in your house for the best part of a week with poo and wee all over the shop, its awful

MsFannySqueers · 21/06/2023 15:48

Agree @DownWithBreadsticks 😂Might even change my username to Extreme Potty Training or perhaps it could be an event in the next Olympics. Thanks for the laugh OP.

oakleaffy · 21/06/2023 15:50

@raisinglittleones Complete overreaction!
Potty training should’ve a huge thing, but a seamless relaxed training without a timeframe
Start as early as a baby is ready- The last thing you want to be doing is to make using a potty a mammoth deal.
Babies pick up on tension.
No one I know ever set dates to begin, just dovetailed it in with normal life.

BlockbusterVideoCard · 21/06/2023 15:50

“2020 baby” currently 2 or 3 years old - it’s so much easier if people just say the age!

In this context it doesn't matter the age, as OP wasn't asking about the pros and cons of potty training at their exact age, she was talking about her mother pushing for a visit from someone she barely knows, while she's busy potty training. I expect in their family they say "2020 baby" and "2021 baby" as for a while, they've had two 'babies' (under 3s) at once, possibly very close in age. And or she doesn't want to be outing by adding too much more info across threads.

oakleaffy · 21/06/2023 15:50

Edit “ Shouldn’t be a huge thing “

Ribena20 · 21/06/2023 15:51

You're obviously a really caring mum, and you've put a lot of effort in to researching the best way to do this and organising everything. I totally see that it comes from a place of love. However, I think you'll look back on this in a few years and chuckle at yourself. It's not a big deal, and life carries on.

BigButtons · 21/06/2023 15:54

You should go at your child’s pace. I have potty trained 6 kids. Some were quick, some slower. Some wanted to remove their pull ups but weren’t quite ready but would only wear pants so we had a lot of accidents. My first 2 were in cloth nappies( because I had the time and inclination) and were naturally trained at about 18 months.
I think it’s crazy to take a predetermined week off to potty train a child.

BlockbusterVideoCard · 21/06/2023 15:55

I'd just like to add that while I had the advantage of the nursery doing it with a small group of 2 year olds the 'fast' full-on way, I do know some friends who did the same at home, and for some it worked well. I don't know why this thread has gone so judgy about the potty training method of choice. Some families' needs are better served by at least trying it this way, due to work patterns, caring responsibilities, having the younger baby in the house too, whatever, and it's their choice. Also, either method, it's much easier to do it during warm months, so scheduling it in is reasonable. Stop the needless pile on with the OP please.

Ponoka7 · 21/06/2023 15:55

OP do what works for you. A lot of men (in particular) aren't comfortable being around other people's naked children. I've got three adult DD's and have done childcare for many children. I can't remember the potty training I did. As always said, it doesn't go on your CV, what's important is that it doesn't stress everyone out. As for those saying 'we nailed it in x amount of days, bar a few accidents, well they didn't nail it in x days.