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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

435 replies

raisinglittleones · 21/06/2023 13:59

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 21/06/2023 21:07

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:18

How does this method work when you go out? I've never heard of it. Assume they wear clothes then

If you have to go out, you pay attention to cues and times between wees. You can get at least 90 mins without a wee, I was able to do the school run in that time.

LadyJ2023 · 21/06/2023 21:09

Wow you do make a huge thing of potty training lol. Our twins 1 and boy 2 have all been using toilet seat for ages no dramas or special time offs needed lol

FlounderingFruitcake · 21/06/2023 21:21

My mum said that the oh crap was a lot like how everyone trained in the 80s- as close to turning 2 as possible because preschool was strictly no nappies and staying home for a few days running around in the garden naked with the potty to hand as it was all carpet inside so didn’t want to risk an accident. All very relaxed- no mess, no laundry.

So doesn’t sound like it’s a new intense thing at all and more likely a well established method (not the only method of course!) repackaged to sell new books?!

Mamabear48 · 22/06/2023 13:48

Wow

northernbeee · 22/06/2023 14:07

How on earth can you block out dates in the diary to potty train?!?! I'm befuddled, beyond belief. Do you schedule everything in your life?

Hoppingmad231 · 22/06/2023 14:28

How long have you planned this to take? Some children master it very quickly some alot longer weeks/months.

DangerousAlchemy · 22/06/2023 14:31

Not sure why some people post then get hugely offended by most of the replies on here then bugger off 🤣🤣

LifeIsPainHighness · 22/06/2023 14:32

DangerousAlchemy · 22/06/2023 14:31

Not sure why some people post then get hugely offended by most of the replies on here then bugger off 🤣🤣

In fairness there’s been loads of very personal attacks and insults thrown at the OP

Frankenpug23 · 22/06/2023 14:37

Can I ask whether your child is even ready? If you have been planning it for weeks then this weekend is going to be pretty tough if they have not been showing the signs that they would like to have a go! If you make this child led then it will be much easier for all!!

Surely if the visitor is there you would just need to toilet regularly and if there are loads of accidents then it may not be the weekend for it! Can you be less structured with this?

mezlou84 · 22/06/2023 14:49

I have a 2020 baby and is fully potty trained through the day. You are over reacting a little because there is so many things you can do so little one isn't naked in front of them and I do agree they are a stranger now after all these years but definitely not so much they can't come round. First of all doing it naked if ready is too easy I found that out. They go when needed my girl cracked it immediately like soon as she knew how she did it. Big big big but she couldn't do it with anything on and then had to re potty train properly using clothes on her which took 3 days of, this is not a nappy you will get wet if you wee. I wouldn't do it naked ever again. I didn't with eldest but thought naked would be easier with 2nd but nope. My 3rd is 2022 baby and he will be done wearing clothes. Easiest way is for an hour before they arrive do not give out any drinks. Get them to try the potty before they come in and have potty where child can see it so if needs must they can see it and go or you'll know they need to go and can go into a different room etc. Honestly potty training is such a scary thing but if the child is ready it's one of the easier things x

BodegaSushi · 22/06/2023 14:50

FlounderingFruitcake · 21/06/2023 21:21

My mum said that the oh crap was a lot like how everyone trained in the 80s- as close to turning 2 as possible because preschool was strictly no nappies and staying home for a few days running around in the garden naked with the potty to hand as it was all carpet inside so didn’t want to risk an accident. All very relaxed- no mess, no laundry.

So doesn’t sound like it’s a new intense thing at all and more likely a well established method (not the only method of course!) repackaged to sell new books?!

Oh absolutely! I did a potty training course and they essentially describe what Oh Crap does in the book. I just called it 'the 3 day method'.

I also gave plenty of drink for 'practice' but apparently Oh Crap says normal amounts are fine.

bladebladebla1 · 22/06/2023 14:54

Christ

autieawesome · 22/06/2023 14:59

Unfortunately you don't get to dictate when your child trains. It will happen when your child is ready. So a few days to practice is fine but don't get your hopes up

Visitors are totally up to you

pigsDOfly · 22/06/2023 15:27

FlounderingFruitcake · 21/06/2023 21:21

My mum said that the oh crap was a lot like how everyone trained in the 80s- as close to turning 2 as possible because preschool was strictly no nappies and staying home for a few days running around in the garden naked with the potty to hand as it was all carpet inside so didn’t want to risk an accident. All very relaxed- no mess, no laundry.

So doesn’t sound like it’s a new intense thing at all and more likely a well established method (not the only method of course!) repackaged to sell new books?!

Yes, the person I talked about doing this in my previous post did it in the 1980s and her mother did it with her around 29 years or so before that, so it's definitely not a new thing.

Her child took a hell of a lot longer than a few days to grasp the concept though, and just pooed everywhere.

Personally, I just waited until I thought my children were ready and took it from there.

I didn't feel pressured or stressed about and neither did my children, they just got the hang of it in their own time.

The OP saying that she doesn't want her child to feel overwhelmed seem to be making heavy weather of it.

Can't see any point in making life harder than it has to be and getting all het up about it.

1stTimeBoyMumx · 22/06/2023 15:29

Lucky you. My 3.5 year old is still not fully toilet trained and is in too much of a rush to pull his pants down properly. All children are different just because yours could doesn’t mean everyone’s can!!!!

the comments on this post are absolutely ridiculous. We took 3 days off work to have a full crack with it and he picked it up after 2 days, he still has accidents because he still won’t always tell us and he doesn’t want to stop playing! He has a speech delay and possibly autism but that’s another story! All kids are different and I definitely wouldn’t have wanted a practical stranger in the house to distract us all when trying to focus on toilet training! My sister in law who is also my very best friend did come to visit with my niece on day 2 but we see her multiple times a week so it wasn’t out of the norm.

your being perfectly reasonable, I feel sorry for the poor children of these oh so perfect parents!!

Duddlepucks · 22/06/2023 16:04

I'm potty training a nearly 3 year old right now, it's going a lot easier than I thought it would. We are still going out and about and not finding it much of an issue. He was very ready for it and has gone straight to using the toilet. Not sure if it's the hot weather or just normal but he doesn't go that often in a day, maybe 4/5 times so it's not very time consuming.
Also I would keep them in pants as at least it catches any poo it also helps them learn to pull them down and back up etc. My boy has found the whole process fun and has loved telling anyone and everyone how he's just been to the toilet like everyone else.
Good luck 👍

pigsDOfly · 22/06/2023 16:24

@1stTimeBoyMumx

Was that 'lucky you' aimed at me? If it was then you're misunderstanding what I was saying.

I wasn't saying my children were potty trained in a matter of days, they weren't. Trying to potty train a child in a short space of time seems overly stressful to me.

When I potty trained mine it took as long as it took, how long that was I can't actually remember, but I do know I didn't allow any of us to feel pressured to get it done asap.

1stTimeBoyMumx · 22/06/2023 16:28

pigsDOfly · 22/06/2023 16:24

@1stTimeBoyMumx

Was that 'lucky you' aimed at me? If it was then you're misunderstanding what I was saying.

I wasn't saying my children were potty trained in a matter of days, they weren't. Trying to potty train a child in a short space of time seems overly stressful to me.

When I potty trained mine it took as long as it took, how long that was I can't actually remember, but I do know I didn't allow any of us to feel pressured to get it done asap.

Sorry @pigsDOfly it actually wasn't iv just scrolled back but already forgotten the name!

Duddlepucks · 22/06/2023 16:32

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 14:39

Yeah sure they just started taking themselves off to the loo and trained themselves 😂

Show quote history

This is exactly what my son has done. Last month he started taking himself off to the bathroom and getting his step out and pulling down trousers, nappy etc and trying to go! It does happen, I was very surprised as I thought potty training was going to be a nightmare turns out my son got feed up waiting for us to start the process and did it himself!

hot2trotter · 22/06/2023 16:49

Get a grip.

hulahooper2 · 22/06/2023 16:51

Sorry this has given me a laugh , chill , apologise to your mum and tell her friend they are welcome cans let nature take its course

Rubyupbeat · 22/06/2023 17:05

I think you will make your son over anxious about toilet traing. You actually blanked a weekend out to do this, Wow! It should be part of your day, in between playing , visits etc... it needs to be played down. And it usually takes more than a couple of days to potty train.

Brightbear · 22/06/2023 17:25

northernbeee · 22/06/2023 14:07

How on earth can you block out dates in the diary to potty train?!?! I'm befuddled, beyond belief. Do you schedule everything in your life?

I agree too block dates out is ridiculous, the child may be under the weather, over tired or whatever those days and it just won’t work, you are setting yourself up for a fail.

Pamalot · 22/06/2023 17:57

As a Mum to grown up children, my advice is that this is the perfect weather for potty training but it should be casual, calm and relaxed, not regimented or timed. Please allow your Mum and friend to visit. She is proud of her grandchildren and wants to show them off. A bit of baby bum really wont scare anyone. Hugs to you.

Tessabelle74 · 22/06/2023 18:08

I've got 4 kids, never took a week off work to potty train them. Put the potty out, take off nappy sit on potty, big cheers if anything is produced, try again later if nothing happens, and repeat. Ask if they need a wee a LOT, then they will learn that a wee is the sensation they're feeling. Take them to every single public loo you go past whilst out and about, I never took a potty with us or had to let my child pee in a bush either. Why do so many people make it such a massive deal? Kids are very clever and aware if you let them be 🙄(excluding any additional needs of course!)