To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

I think she was just saying that to indicate how old he is.

It can be done in 3 hours if you wait until the child is ready and don't try and plan your life around milestones 🤷‍♀️

How is that hypothetical scenario even relevant? That’s not the situation here.

😂Months!
After 18 months it should revert to “almost two”and the months be dropped for good.

The problem with these "intense methods" is when the child is not ready, and it fails, or the child keeps having accidents during the day or at night, the parent will blame themselves for doing something wrong.

If you think It's in the diary, so it must be done by Sunday night and your child has decided that no, doesn't want the potty, doesn't want the big toilet - some children refuse point blank to use a potty. What do you do then? Feel like you failed? It's a shame, it shouldn't be that hard.

Not necessarily; he could be only 30 months. (I know mumsnetters hate that!). As for blocking time in the diary, I’m sure OP means time she wont be at work, as she won’t be potty training when she’s physically somewhere else.

However I do think you are being unreasonable, OP. I doubt there will be a problem taking an hour or so out of the training schedule to see an old family friend. Presumably your mum will be there and she wants to introduce him to her grandchildren.

😂Months!
After 18 months it should revert to “almost two”and the months be dropped for good.

Bingo! Is 19 months nearly 2? Proportionately, is a 19 year old nearly 24?

Whaaat?! This is madness. YABU and incredibly precious.

YABU. Toilet training has always formed part of toddler independence. Refusing visitors during that time is totally unnecessary.

Completely agree with this. You cannot force your child to learn this on a schedule. My first I kept trying and trying from 2 years old and they weren’t dry at night till 4. I thought I had to ‘potty train’ them at a certain age, but when it became apparent this wasn’t going to happen I just kept checking every few months to see if they were ready, and finally they were. My second basically learnt herself, she was dry though the night before she turned 2 and using the toilet by 2.5, completely of her own accord. She has amazing bladder control! It’s to do with physical development, and trying to rush them will be stressful for everyone.

You are overreacting about the potty training, but if you don't want to entertain a visitor in your home, you don't have to. If it was someone you actually have a relationship with, and you want them to visit, I'd absolutely encourage you invite them, it will be fine. But it sounds like you don't have a relationship with them, and you don't want them to visit, so you're well within your rights to refuse.

People really make hard work of having kids nowadays.

aside from the doctor and the nursery worker, no one actually cares if your child is 19 or 22 months...unless they are competitive parents fighting to keep up with the joneses via their child. 😂
Anyone else? is really not bothered, I promise you.

As long as your child is potty trained by the time he reaches 48 to 59 months old, you are fine.

@itshotontheplayground 😂😂Exactly this!!

The intensive potty training sounds stressful.

Yes, he had an opinion. His opinion was that he didn't want their child defecating on the carpet. His wife decided she didn't mind having shit on the carpet so he was over-ruled.

Not sure how that means he conveniently chose not to have an opinion on the matter.

As it's highly unlikely you have met the couple in question I fail to see how you can know one way or the other.

They were good friends of mine, he was a very hands on father and was very involved in his child's upbringing, and yes he most definitely had an opinion about it but his opinion was ignored.

Well no “most” 3 year olds aren’t finished potty training.

Not sure why on earth people feel the need to be so critical and nasty towards OP, or sneery towards anyone who chooses to potty train in a different way. It's up to her!!!

Also those saying she's making it all sound "hard work" - 2 days at home is a LOT easier than weeks and weeks of accidents!

Hate to tell you your son will potty train when he's ready , not when you have it scheduled in the diary .

This gets better 😂😂😂 you've taken time off work to potty train? Wtf

Because the alternative to scheduling 3 days of doing nothing but staying at home with a toddler with no pants on isn’t “weeks and weeks of accidents”, in many people’s experience - to me that sounds much harder work than what I did. If others want to take a different approach it’s fine, but we shouldn’t be make life hard for people by telling them if don’t do one very specific method it’ll take forever, because for a child who is ready it really, really doesn’t need 3 days and no pants.

Be relaxed, don't make a big thing of it. & just regularly re.ind your child if they need the loo to say & you'll take them. He might have something to show your visitor & get praise!! Honestly, don't stress about it - it's often one or 2 steps forward & the same backwards for a while!,

Don't be silly. It's an hour, they're an old friend.

Many people have also managed to successfully potty train with this method. It's not that deep 😇