To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

Organic farming isn't a good idea -

geneticliteracyproject.org/2019/10/23/if-britain-and-wales-went-100-organic-crop-yields-would-crash-by-half-and-and-carbon-emissions-would-double-uk-study-shows/

You should have started this thread warning you’re Amish, now it all makes sense to me. I have absolutely nothing against the Amish community, but they do have a thing for keeping strictly to themselves and not mixing or socialising with the rest of us (non Amish).

As above.

What bundle of joy you sound.

DH took me to the hospital for a test about 3 weeks ago which is about 20 miles. Other than cross the road to the school and collect some stuff I ordered from the pub I’ve not left our property since then either.

that just sounds so stifling to me.

Please take a moment to enjoy this thread interlude

%3D

I think we would get on just fine OP.

I live on the other side of the world, and know very well what you say about farm life and having outdoor kids. You don't fall into the norm though, so you probably knew to expect some judgement.

You say you get 4 invites per year. I am not a fan of weddings either but thankfully haven't had more than one in four years....

Op, why do you have the internet if you enjoy the remote way of life? It seems at odds with toiling away on the farm.

I hate them too OP, and myself and OH did what you guys did, register office with witnesses and pub. You are more than allowed to just say you're not available and to have a wonderful day, send card and gift etc. But if you're being invited to 4 a year it seems like there won't be many more to go after this lot? We're 42 and 46 now and the last wedding we went to was 4 years ago I think.

I’ve not attended a wedding since DH died, can’t face it.
Stick to your guns.
And I can’t see that someone’s wedding in 2023 will be a conversation on SM in 5 or 10 years time.

@Supergluedisaster

this Op

In what was the old village hall. Yes. We set it up after a bit of a baby boom here as a nursery then a school. As it was either home ed or a bloody long drive otherwise. It’s not perfect but it does the job. 6 or 7 mins walk from my back door.

Also, what kind of ‘farm’ can you close the door on of a Saturday afternoon and not bother with at all until the Monday… not one I’ve ever heard of, or been on. I should give my place a stern talking to.

@Supergluedisaster

youve never driven a car, you barely go out, you’ve not been on a plane for the last twenty years…
come on OP, live a little! There’s a big world out here to explore…

YANBU and YABU. I like weddings for the opportunity to get together and see all family or all friends in one go but I actually think the over the top weddings with expensive cars and venues, speeches etc are soooo 2001 now. Get over it. I loathe the expensive over the top shite.

Right? My livestock would be at my damn back door!

I think OP wasn’t necessarily anticipating being hauled over the coals for having four kids when self-proclaiming eco-credentials, and is slightly over-egging the lifestyle now.

Ordering fish and meat from the pub (surely true eco warriors wouldn’t consume either of those products), swapping toys, walking everywhere, never buying anything…

OP, you needn’t have felt so defensive about hating weddings, nor you need to lie to the people apparently inviting you all the time. Just say ‘no thanks!’

You might need to be a bit more honest and realistic with yourself about your eco credentials, though, especially as truly sustainable and eco-farming is nigh-on impossible if you want to survive. You just have to try to offset as much as you can. And just living by the land doesn’t make you an ‘eco warrior’.

Arable. Not all farms have livestock that needs tending.

I enjoy family weddings only. We have great fun and it's brilliant to see everyone together at the same time, all in good mood and with nothing but joy for the B+G.

Other invites, no. I don't care if I am considered stuck up or anti social or whatever name you want to put on it. My view is that it is very nice to be asked, but I don't have the energy anymore to pretend to my table companions whom I don't generally know that their lives interest me beyond a hello and how are you, lovely day, etc. Not having anything in common with these people makes for awkwardness, hard work, and often boredom, well to me anyway.

I don't make excuses, I just say "thanks so much for the kind invitation, sorry I am unable to attend and wish you and B/G every happiness and hope you all have a lovely day. Decent present and card, and job done. The important thing is to decline straight away, then other "possible" guests can be invited in your stead.

On another note, does anyone agree that weddings are just so formulaic that you could write the script for any of them!

Each to their own.