To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

Hating weddings seems to be a whole personality type on MN.

I’d just keep on fibbing. I’m sure people tell you gentle fibs all the time about things that are important to you, so as not to hurt your feelings.

I’d mix it up a little. Maybe kidney stones one summer, next summer a little operation ‘nothing serious at least I hope not! Women’s stuff…’. I assume you’ve already used covid 😁
perhaps also some judicious suffering in the name of prevention. Go to one, feed the boys red cordial and let them loose. Be too embarassed to go to another one for a year at least. ‘No I haven’t recovered from wanting to just die on the spot at cs’

but don’t put your dc in suits if you don’t want to either way.

Your poor children, brought up unable to behave at a family social occasion.

It was the 'being brought up to be able to behave at a family social occasion' (on pain of punishment for one word or foot out of place) that put me off family social occasions for life.

Exactly what I am thinking!

If its all cousins then you know they are just doing the dance right? The family convention is to invite all cousins, this is impossible to move away from without causing WWIII unless you go for registry office wedding. So each person invites all cousins including OP and her family who they absolutely do not want there, then wait for OPs decline and then everyone gets on with it. No social boundaries are crossed, everyone is happy and people who actually give a shit about the bride or groom are present to wish them well without Maleficent.

😂😂😂

Where do you live? The 1930s?

FWIW while I think you are unreasonable OP, I don't think you need to defend your lifestyle.

We all chipped in to open our own village school so that the littles don’t need to travel each day.

lol

If they know you they would kind of expect you not to accept the invite and are being polite. I would rather a person declining an invite than a person feeling uncomfortable at my wedding. It is not compulsory to attend.

God your poor boys OP. Having such unsociable parents. And you guys not leaving the house on the weekends unless it's to go fishing or swimming?

I'd die of boredom.

Also - it just sounds like you actually need to socialise your boys MORE not less. How did they not know it was inappropriate to dip their heads in public toilet wash basins??

Is anyone else getting Beverly Hillbillies vibes?

I love the sound of your lifestyle, op; can I come and stay with my 4 primary aged kids please? 😁
As for your original question, someone upthread already gave the perfect response. I was going to suggest blaming the kids (in a diplomatic way) too. It's what I usually do if there is an invitation that feels too awkward for us.

Oh well, OP, that's you and me told.

Ah, the irony that someone as unpleasant and judgmental as @ProbablySleeping should have the nerve to call you unpleasant and judgmental! No irony and no fun either, I bet. Thank goodness neither of us will be forced to share a table with PS at the wedding meal.

I hate weddings too. Done my share, never again unless it's to a small, casual one with good companions and people I care about. To hell with the enforced jollity, even if you're cold and hungry and have been waiting around for hours. The two-hour meal trying to make pleasant smalltalk over mediocre food. The drunks and loudmouths and gaggles of women comparing nail varnish and shoes and hairstyles. Torture, even if you like the happy couple.

as in, fictitious?

Life is too short. If you don't want to go, don't.
I dislike them as well. All the booze (I don't drink), forced small talk, awkward seating plans and eating food I don't like as well as being told 'Where's your partner then?'. I wish them all the best but just not for me.

What kind of fame is it that you live on? Totally organic?

Commercial Farming strikes me as being not very good for the environment.

Have you never heard of having food delivered? Do you think supermarket deliveries (or SUMA deliveries) are limited to town? Have you heard about Amazon delivering food? Or veg boxes and buying direct from the producer? It's possible to eat and live well even beyond the burbs.

Farm not fame in my last post.

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. You don’t sound like you like these people very much anyway so I don’t really know why you care so much about how you word your ‘no’ other than ‘thanks but we won’t be able to make it I’m afraid!’
Out of interest, what old ratted out pick up truck (v eco friendly I’m sure) have you got that can seat four children and two adults? 🤔 so eco friendly, just like having so many kids I suppose.

Hating weddings seems to be a whole personality type on MN

Yes, but just people who are speshul and NoT lIkE oThEr GiRls