To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

I wish more people had your balls 😅

Nothing to do with the thread but… I love your writing style, you’d make a great writer👀

@Supergluedisaster

i think you sound like a bit of a killjoy tbh and very judgmental - like it’s all beneath you.
having to wear shoes and a dress - you poor thing!

You sound quite anti-social honestly, people are inviting you to THEIR wedding because they consider you important enough to share that special moment with them, inviting you to a wedding is an act of love not an act of sabotage. They don't expect you to show up dressed in "haute couture" and be "the life of the party", seriously, just get a clean decent dress with no holes in it, show up, be yourself, enjoy the cake and give a hug to the bride and groom. In other words: be kind to those who are kind to you.

Agree. And OP sounds interesting and fun to me.

I just think it hit a nerve as anytime someone come across as judging others you’ll get a ration of grief on MN.

But there is nothing at all wrong with avoiding social events that you don’t enjoy.

OP you're getting a rough ride on here but I think you sound great! I don't think you should lie. You sound as if you genuinely live by the motto 'Be true to yourself' so don't make an exception just to spare people's feelings. Just say that weddings aren't your thing so you won't be attending, but wish them well.
I wanted to celebrate something and booked the village hall and a ceilidh band. Some of the people I invited made obvious excuses (might have to get up early the next day to make DH's lunch - wtf?!) but a couple of people said that this would be their idea of hell, and I respected their honesty. Just be honest!

Your only way around it to stop the kids dropping you in it is to decline before the dc get wind of the invitation, say you're away/got plans and quickly book something for that weekend. "Oh sorry kids, didn't I tell you I'd booked to go skydiving/caving/beach combing that weekend? Surprise!!"

The ethical thing to do is to just decline the invite with no drama.

To be honest, from what you have described - I don't think people will worry too much if you just RSVP saying you are unable to make it. Most people have tight numbers - and by declining you are automatically removing 6 guests. I personally would have hated having people at my wedding who really didn't want to be there, I would have honestly preferred them to decline.

From what you have said it would be pretty obvious to everyone that you don't want to be there and this kills the vibe. To be frank in this situation - as I am sure you would readily admit yourself - your family would be the 'party arseholes'.

Just keep it simple - no need to offend, just say so sorry we can't make it as we are otherwise committed. Leave it at that. Anyone presses just broken record that response.

Your poor children, brought up unable to behave at a family social occasion.

"Thank you for your kind invitation to your or x and y's wedding on xxx, at xxx. Regretfully, we have to decline the invitation due to a previous engagement"

Sent promptly and followed with a generous present and card.

One day you'll be old and lonely and wish you hadn't been such a misanthrope

They are under 8 years old FFS. They aren't the Wales children.

Yes and the worst sort of tedious humble bragger l. ‘I’m not judging but my lifestyle is really brilliant and I’m saving planet whereas you are not. Let me explain why’ 🤮🤮

This has got to be a wind up. Either that or you're Amish.

This has cracked me up, you’re taking it all a bit far and if you go to a wedding you might surprise yourself, they’re supposed to be joyful occasions not boring! As a child I loved dressing as a miniature accountant and attending weddings. You danced, ate cake and everyone made a fuss of you. I remember them. Not sure I remember most weekends in my childhood…

@AliceOlive boundaries and expectations, and table manners, all need to start years before 8. Mine didn't have a problem - they were socialised.

I have a relative who went to his siblings' weddings but when the first of his nieces and nephews got married he told them he doesn't like weddings and won't be going to any of the next generation. He's stuck to his word too, and we all respect him for that as he didn't pick and choose which nephew or niece's wedding he would attend and which he wouldn't - he just didn't go to any of them. Same with Christenings. We do all think he's a bit eccentric but we're still fairly fond of him!

I would maybe pick an excuse you think they'll accept and stick with that on all refusals from now on. Such as:

'The cost and upheaval for us as a family to attend weddings a fair distance from our home prohibits us from going and as we don't think it's fair to go to one family member's wedding but not another we have decided that from now on we will not be attending any wedding but we wish you all the best for now and for the future xx'

We have one truck for use on the farm. I’ve never driven a vehicle in my life. The farm truck leaves the village rarely .. maybe twice a month. I walk literally everywhere . The last time I went out in the truck / he drove it off the farm was when DH took me to the hospital for a test about 3 weeks ago which is about 20 miles. Other than cross the road to the school and collect some stuff I ordered from the pub I’ve not left our property since then either. There is no public transport here at all. So occasionally we drive the truck to places we have to be. Not ideal for trecking cross country to gatherings though. Our old caravan has zero effect on the environment when it’s static and towing it a few miles to the beach for our holidays also is way more eco friendly than most people who travel hundreds of miles or go on planes or ships I reckon. I haven’t flown for over 20 years. I think that counts for a lot as few people can say that.

I wonder if the rise of the Internet has fucked with people's ability to develop social skills.

Obviously I know some people are autistic etc, but much of the time, it's just people who don't want to attend a day long function because they might have to make a bit of chit chat with someone they haven't met. It really shouldn't be beyond the capabilities of a NT adult, even if they are introverted. It's a pretty basic social skill that keeps the wheels greased on general human interaction and cohesion. You can't tell me you just don't like people or interacting when you're happy to write walls of text on the Internet about it. Clearly you do, you just don't like it when it's spontaneous and you can see each other and you have to absorb and respond to what they say.

I mean, you don't have to love it, but nodding and smiling and talking about holidays and how you know the couple for half a day or so shouldn't be this difficult. I know some people have genuine conditions but a lot of the time, I really think it's just stunted social development.

AI sorry typo....Aye

Blame the generation before me for having 10 kids who then had an average of 3 each…

Did you mean for this comment to sound judgemental? For them having multiple kids when you’re also following in their footsteps by having 4?

As you have 30 cousins, there are probably a few of them on MN.......you've made yourself very recognisable so if any of them guess, they're bound to pass your views around and you'l never be invited to a wedding again .Job done !!

Completely agree with you. Making small talk with someone else's drunk uncle and eating a lamb shank at 3pm is a crock of a way to spend a day.

We just say no thanks and wish people a lovely day.