Partner leaving me because I called him a cunt

[harrycantdrive]

I’m 6 months pregnant. Around 12 weeks into my pregnancy my partner stopped being positive and happy about it and became distant and quiet, lots of silent treatment, too much drinking (in my opinion anyway) etc etc. On a few occasions I called him a cunt for being so nasty to me without explanation. I text it a few times too. Since then we talked more and I thought we had got back to how things were, however, he came home drunk yesterday and I said this is the start of awful behaviour again, to which he said ‘it will give you an excuse to call me a cunt again…’ I then said I thought he was being a cunt previously and if he starts being nasty again I will think he is a cunt again. (Yes I am aware how childish this sounds written down). He’s now said today that actually he doesn’t want to be with someone who could have called him that and he’s leaving. I am too exhausted to even begin to argue or reason with him. I’m devastated that I will be alone while pregnant, I never wanted that for me or our baby. I keep feeling guilty that I have ruined our family unit by what I said and then the next moment I think hang on, this isn’t on me, he’s been a terrible partner and I lashed out. I get that the relationship is over now regardless, I can’t look at him the same way anymore, but I now carry this consuming guilt that if I hadn’t snapped and used such terrible language that maybe we would have resolved things. I’m so tired and sad.

And I was AMA with IUGR. You'll have lots of extra appointments. Don't invite him. He'll make the stress worse and steal your joy when you get happy news. Let him play the victim and enjoy your pregnancy guilt free.

But he did not leave her over this one word.

Agree!

Well, some people don't believe the choice between drunken behaviour or being called a cunt is one you should have to make in a relationship.

But someone asked why it's offensive to be called a cunt. The answer is, because it's a highly offensive word. Pretty sure I'd get reported and deleted if I called anyone here a cunt. Sorry, I don't believe for one second that you wouldn't mind or that you'd bow to my (or anyone else's) judgement if we decided you were one.

I agree with you. The whole relationship sounds like a shit show. Better off single!

This. 100%.

He sounds like a proper cunt to me.

Honestly. Cunt to me is just a generic name calling. If you said I was a horrible/selfish person that would hurt me (if I knew you irl) because I would see that as more personal to me.

Well yes, I am wondering what “behaving like a cunt” actually means. Not a phrase I’d use about a man (or women but it’d make more sense biologically).

it’s a throw away insult that has no more meaning than he’s being a dick, twat, or whatever.
yep, not good to call people names - however as a very wise women once said “ it’s not what you do, it’s not what you say, it’s how you make people feel that they remember “
on that basis it sounds like he’s been meting a lot of unreasonable behaviours out to Op and she feels pretty shit about that, she respond with, let’s say a choice word and paddy, and she’s being hung out to dry here
too many men coercively control and manipulate women to provoke an action to justify them treating them to a holier than though barrage. It’s a form of DARVO.

personally, I think having a baby outside of marriage is a risk. Unless both couples are principled against it and get other forms of legal and financial commitment . Why the hell would you bring a baby into the world as joint parents if you won’t do something as basic as mutually agreeeing you are committed emotional, financial and legally to each other and will mutually support each other in these matters. I just don’t get it 🤷🏼‍♀️ if a bloke doesn’t want to marry you yet, he isn’t ready to b a father. Simple . Too many women post on here wondering why they’ve been left high and dry holding the baby. Yes, I know it does work for some people, but it sure as hell is a risk that should set the red flags going long before a baby.

Clearly showing no understanding of toxic/abusive relationships.

OP my ex used to be mentally and physically abusive to me. I feel fully justified in calling him a cunt at times.

Just get out of this relationship x

Sure, sure. You wouldn't mind at all if someone called you a cunt. OK.But in the world of social norms, it's an extremely offensive thing to call someone and it's usually what people go for when they can't think of anything worse. The fact that you totally don't mind it doesn't change that. It's a highly offensive word and that's why it offends people.

To be honest, once you're at the stage of explaining why it's ok to call your partner a cunt, it's dead in the water. Either he really is that bad, or you want to name call with impunity, or both. By that point, who even cares? It's a shit relationship and you need to knock it on the head.

The nature of bad language is that it’s used in bad circumstances. You don’t say ‘oh Fuck what a great day!’ People defending the word cunt have become immune to bad language and you should honestly honestly try to ease off it or you’ll end up with your kids using it back at you. Everyone uses ffs or fuck it or shit, it’s the regular use, or use of eg cunt or bollox that is the time where people will start avoiding you, or looking at you. Again you don’t want your kids to be the ones having people steering clear of them. And I’m not talking about what people call ‘pearl clutchers’, it’s the average everyday person going ‘god that person seems a bit dodgy’. I grew up regularly helping out in my aunts pub in a very very tough area (lot of security, regular fights, bottles pulled, people throwing chairs and glasses etc etc) and you knew a fight was beginning when you heard the heavy curses come, in fact the heavier the curses , the more dodgy the fight (bottles and glasses)

No. It’s highly offensive to you & lots of others. It’s not offensive to me & lots of others. That’s what we have our own minds & opinions for, to decide if find things highly offensive or not.

I still don’t.

If you behave like a cunt you shouldn't complain if you are called a cunt.

And only a cunt would leave a relationship for being called a cunt because they behaved like a cunt.

You can call me a cunt if you want, I don't find it offensive.

I'm glad you said this, round here 'alright cuntfeatures' or 'hi cuntyballs!' are standard greetings 😬 I don't see it as a marriage ending offence even if said in anger...

Yes, a lot of women have popped up saying they aren't offended by it as they justify screaming it at your partner.

However, by the standards of our society, it's an offensive word. So don't go around calling people cunts because you will cause offence.

@DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder will be along shortly to tell you that you do actually find it offensive!🙄

Anyone can leave a relationship for any reason they like, saint or cunt.

Where is your empathy she was obviously at the end of her tether with him. No one is perfect and you're certainly not don't throw stones in glass houses. She is pregnant and by the sounds of it she wanted her relationship to work out for her baby. It's not easy to move on or don't understand that.

You shouldn't minimise how others feel about being called abusive terms, just because you don't happen to find it offensive yourself

It doesn't actually matter that there are well cool people who totally aren't offended if you call them cunts.

In the context of an argument like this one, it is clearly intended to be as offensive as possible. It's chosen because it's known to be an offensive word, so the hope is that it will offend. It's not OK to call someone a nasty word just because it totally wouldn't offend you. That's pretty self-centred and arse about face thinking (and I expect I'll offend people for saying that).

Doesn't mean his behaviour was OK, of course it wasn't. But he doesn't have to put up with OP just because she would have put up with him. She could have ended things first, although it was clearly dead in the water by this stage.

A crap relationship doesn't make anyone their best self. Hopefully they'll both find more compatible people now.

@IwishIcouldButIcantSoIwont i wasn’t using my pregnancy as an excuse. I did however think it was relevant to the context. Treating me like shit when I wasn’t pregnant is one thing but when I am pregnant it obviously complicates things to me as I didn’t feel I could just leave and felt I had to try for the relationship.