Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

Please show me where that has been strongly supported?

34 hours a week .

Deflecting calls is a prime example of people trying to have their cake and eat it. If your toddler is having meltdown do you refuse an urgent team/client call during working hours because it doesn’t suit you. What if one of your team had an urgent personal issue. Do you tell them you will call after hours because that suits YOU?

You are paid to work during certain hours. If everyone works their own hours no one would ever get together.

People being paid loads to do a job but minding a 2 year old instead are even worse.

OP has every right to complain if he's not focusing or attending meetings and making uncalled for disparaging remarks.

You're not going to benefit from doing anything right now.
There are 2 work-related issues (him being a dick isn't one of them).

1. Does you employer have a wfh policy? If so, what does it say about childcare? Do you know what your colleague's contract states in this regard? What does yours say?

Would you like to wfh with your children there?

2. Is it OK to miss meetings? Surely it hasn't been unnoticed if he's doing it a lot. If you're having to pick up his workload then you can raise that as an issue.

Personally I struggle to wfh well when my 14 year old is home. He's too old for formal childcare now yet too young to be out all day not needing input/driving from me during the holidays. There is no way I could do it with a 2 yo!

Theorgin. Yep. Well past those days but I found other working parents had the same issue so son was often at friends house or vice versa. Gaming or just hanging out and at that age they knew they couldn’t run around screaming!

Bus fare to local High Street was always welcome too.

This doesn’t really become your business until he demonstrates that he is not able to get his work done and it impacts your ability to get your work done. Him deflecting meetings sounds like it’s annoying at worse. I assume if it was impacting your work in any meaningful way you would have led with that. Until that point stay out of it, you’re not his manager.

Regardless of whether or not he should have childcare, it was not your place to comment. He was just being defensive, let it go.

No, you can't watch a programme and write a letter at the same time. Nor can you sing with a child and read an email. Nobody can.

Walking and talking at the same time is a different matter, as only one thing needs your conscious attention.

Come on ! It’s peppa pig lol how much attention do you need to give it 😝

So you're not watching Peppa Pig. Peppa Pig is on in the background while you write an email. No multitasking. 😀

Absolutely. Don't get me wrong, it's a million times easier than it used to be (I'm a lone parent). We live rurally with a poor bus service so that's an issue.
He's also at the age where the thoughtful/initiative/intelligent part of his brain isn't very functional.
e.g. seeing me walk to the bathroom having only just got out of bed, he asked me whether it was cold outside. how the fuck do I know?

He needs me in the way teenagers do - just being around, and of course I do have breaks during the day, it's just not what I would wish for him during the long summer holiday.

None of those tasks are the same as engaging with a child who asks you a question, or even spending brain space wondering if your unattended child is OK watching telly in the other room.

People who genuinely think it's acceptable to not pay for childcare whilst they're working from home are utterly deluded, and will ruin the entire wfh ethos for the rest of us who don't take advantage.
Agree with this.
Flexible working being used more widely by men and women, parents and non-parents should be a positive move to creating a good working culture that challenges presenteeism.

When people kid themselves that they've got special gifts that us mere mortals don't so they can wrestle a toddler, and sort the house out, and be a super engaged parent, and their children are super well behaved so are obviously silent in every call, and they're the world's most amazing multi-taskers who can meet the needs of a toddler whilst focusing 100% on their work and ensuring that's to a good standard, they're making it more likely that companies will stop having flexible working.

Most people I know with flexible working and WFH arrangements have core hours where they're expected to be contactable and then there's flexibility around that (eg. They could go to the gym at lunch or pick their child up from half day school nursery and take them to the childminder/to grandparents, or walk the dog or anything else, or they can change their start/end times as long as they are in for core hours). They also have policies about childcare and that WFH does not mean you can be responsible for childcare during working hours.

I am not the greatest fan of Reece Mogg but he knew what those government depts with all those people wfh were up to!! Hence his notes to them.

Seriously though - I worked for a company who had wfh before it became a thing. Mainly for middle and senior managers who often worked over their contracted hours anyway. It worked well tbh bar the odd person taking the piss.

Then the more junior members realised that if they had a ‘reason’ to wfh they could request it and 9/10 it would be granted. Junior members were heavily unionised as well. Daft reasons were given I.e my foot hurts if I need to drive in heavy traffic so can I work from home and it all went horribly wrong. Then covid hit and the skiving that went on was horrendous. I could never get hold of the Orders Desk and the Faults Helpline started having queues which clients complained about (to me!).Funny that. Still the same amount of call agents yet productively dropped off and it was accepted that childcare was being done. Now these skivers have realised they could save on child care and also be on hand for school drop off’s, play dates, making lunch, walk the dog, go for a walk and all the time saying they were more productive.

LYING TOADS!

Not a chance would I intervene. I'd keep the screenshot and wait for your bosses to realise or notice performance is an issue. There is not a chance he can do a proper job if he is handling a 2 year old as well so his performance or quality will become an issue.

You choose to provide proper structured childcare for your family because it is necessary and it is the correct thing to do, to both your child, your employer and your sanity.

Your spot the homeworkers refusing childcare game is flawed, I don't and can't wfh. As I said in my first post, if he's doing his job and his management is happy with his output, it's nobody else's business how he chooses to do his job. OP does just sound bitter and petty, there was no indication that she was gonna try and tell on him without the comment he made to her. Just sounds petty

Hmmm. Tricky one.

I'm senior and if I was you I wouldn't jump straight to reporting because you don't know for a fact that it's a permanent thing. He said his wife was at home, she may be usually responsible for childcare but had something out of the norm within her own role where dad had to step in.

This occasionally happens with my own staff and I don't mind if it's not permanent. Shit happens and I say that as having a 6 year old that I pay wrap around care for.

However. If output or disruption to his daily role continues or has an ongoing negative impact on you, then I would approach your boss on this basis, as then the childcare issue has grounds.

As for the comment, it's a twat comment but not one that screams HR to me. It's hard to detect tone when through message, he could have been trying to be funny (and failing). I'd have probably put a laughing emoji and told him to swivel.

I fully agree and anyone who thinks or does otherwise is taking the piss. You wouldn’t be distracted by taking care of your child in the office, so I don’t see why it’s acceptable while you’re WFH.

LOL!!!!

Rees-mogg couldn't give two shits about folks working from home.

His company has shares in corporate offices.

You're not suggesting his was some altruistic stance and he was concerned for the workforce 😂.

Surely you can't be this naive.

How do you know that normally they dont have a nanny who was today off sick , or that his wife does not normally work the same hours as he does.
You really can't go to HR all butt-hurt over something that was probably meant as a joke. You will sound like you are 6,

Interesting conversation, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Not really planning to report, but yes, I was feeling incredibly frustrated and had to vent. No one should be allowed to criticise other people's parenting methods, especially when it comes to childcare. People do what they need to do - no one likes paying £££ and not spending time with their kids, and being criticised for it feels like the ultimate joke!

You sound passive aggressive enquiring after his child
you obviously have an issues like anything you should go through the proper channels

for all you know his boss could already be aware of this yet you take it on yourself to police senior staff members

Did you want the job he got

arsey questions normally get arsey replies

Am I the only one thinking if you can’t beat them, join them? If he can do it, perhaps do the same instead of reporting him.

I don’t work there anymore and that is a sweeping generalisation about 120,000 people! If this wfh issue has been addressed by other companies bar the one I worked in why is there thread after thread about working from home and the issues it has caused?