Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

I'd keep a record Not report - yet
it would be petty to report his mean comment but its out if order he doesn't have appropriate child care arrangements

Surely his line manager should take up the issue of inadequate childcare
And you should have a conversation about his rudeness - just possibly it may be a mis fired joke - he sounds a total prick but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt first

I haven't said it was OK. I just don't like interfering busy bodies. They are definitely the worst people to work with.

Report this to his boss. He needs to be sacked or to get childcare sorted. His comments are out of order and need to be addressed by his boss too. He has to apologise to you or again be removed from his job.

Cucu - I am dealing with a solicitor for both a house sale and my relatives Probate.

I am paying them a fair amount of money for both. If my solicitor had a child in the background when I was speaking to them I honestly wouldnt be impressed as they wouldn’t be listening properly to me. I am paying them to listen to them and advise me.

I am staggered tbh that you think it works brilliantly. All I would say is that if you are doing it I suspect the rest of your team are too and think what you could achieve work wise if you were properly concentrating. I would also want to increase your targets because doing two jobs at the same time means that you are not doing either properly.

I work from home and my child is looked after here one day a week. On the extremely rare occasion she gives her granny the slip and manages to breach the door, I say "sorry, let me just give her back to her granny" so anyone else is aware that someone else is looking after her. I don't say "you must not like your children as much as me" 🤨

It's not about being present for work that concerns me it's the lack of presence fir the child -eye contact, communication, response. We've now got data about the delays on young children not socialising as much with their peers, hours at home etc. It's not best interest for a child's welfare to be in an environment where adults are distracted by tech.

Provided that you cannot really prove or disprove that he’s not using childcare. For example, your colleague can say that it was a one off as his DP had an appointment or was sick or something… I’d keep my nose out of it. He will know you reported him and he’s more senior… sooo…. Keep calm and carry on.
p.s: don’t take his patenting remarks close to heart. People say all sorts of stupid and insensitive things without even meaning it. I very much doubt he meant to upset you on purpose as such.

If your whole salary is going to childcare then you really should be re-evaluating things. Your children are missing out on quality time with you for no financial benefit it seems.

You sound bitter and jealous of him. Two people working from home can look after a 2yr old. The only thing here is that he should be more careful to not let it impact his work.

His comment may have been a joke. I think you're a jealous busybody.

Bitter about childcare costs? Really?? I'd be bitter too if I was paying out £££ each month to ensure my child had appropriate childcare so I could fully focus on my work - yet my colleague decides to have their child at home whilst the company pays them for the privilege?!

Emergencies happen, and this is where flexible working can be great. I've worked the odd day with DS8 at home for various reasons - but any self respecting company would not be happy with their workers having children at home full time.

This thread is full of 'spot the homeworkers avoiding paying childcare'

Most of these people don’t just do it as a one off. They do it ALL the time and then stupidly (imho) tell a few people about it! When you work with people for a while you end up knowing what they are doing.

They might think you don’t but you do. We had two people in the last team I worked in who were never around, line managers weren’t in place long enough to do anything meaningful about it or were scared of being accused of picking on women (sadly it is often women who do it). You could say it’s up to the company but we all need to take responsibility for this sort of behaviour which impacts us all whether we be part of the team, the company themselves or the clients who are putting up with this half soaked work ethic.

I think he’s trying to convince himself that he loves being with his kids (and therefore you don’t) because he can’t find childcare. (Or doesn’t want to spend the money on it).
Martyr complex. A total prick.

But also… maybe the child is unwell or is home for some other reason so I’d still ‘be kind’.

Name change- yep. 50% of people on this thread are doing it! Central Government are in real turmoil and their output has crashed. Wonder why??

So you think it's acceptable for people to opt out of paying for childcare and do a half assed job at work while they run around after a two year old?

Why would it matter ?? Work gets done on target and well , what would it be up to you anyway ? Honestly , you think because you pay someone for a service you get to control their life ? As long as what you pay is done well and on target you are being completely entitled ! Some on my team with from home , others in the office , some have kids , some don’t . I still expect the same quality of work from all of them .

I would decide what outcome I wanted before doing anything.

Maybe bitter about your inability to multitask maybe ? Why are people so mad at others life choices ? Self entitlement at its best .

If he's enjoying spending time with his 2 year old then he's not working. You can't do both at the same time. The company are paying him for his full time and attention, and they're not getting what they're paying for. But he'll probably pretend that his wife looks after the toddler while he works, unless you have more examples of his not working.

As much as I wouldn’t report it, for me - I just don’t understand how anyone can do this full time. Lockdown was proof to me that you can’t work and look after a small child and do a good job of both. It was so stressful!
Even now with an older child, I find it stressful if she is at home for any reason (illness etc)

The counter is the experiences they are missing out on by not being in nursery - far better for them to be socialising with other kids, doing fun and/educational activities than being shoved in front of the TV for hours on end so their parents can ignore them and work. Not to mention it being downright dangerous for very small children.

YABU

I absolutely think people should not wfh and not get childcare but if his wife had an emergency meeting or interview etc then it’s possible they just wasn’t able to find childcare at such short notice.

If this was a regular thing then I’d absolutely complain but I think it’s very unfair to complain about it after one incident.

This is why single mothers find it so difficult climbing the career ladder because one childcare situation and they’re labelled as a bad worker and unfit for the job.

Forget all about it.

Ratting on your colleague to management? No way. Nothing good will come of it. And you'll make yourself look extremely bad. This isn't some noble whistleblowing – it's being a sneaky little tell-tale. People won't like it.

You stuck your nose into his situation when you didn't need to, and he responded sharply. You got what you deserved.

Learn to mind your own business. If you're not happy about your own home situation, sort it out. (And ask yourself why you'd rather be on the side of a corporation than a parent doing his best in a tough financial climate.)

It's part of every flex policy I've ever seen that homeworking is not a substitute for childcare.

Fine as the odd emergency, and with catch ups after, but NOT as a permanent solution.

I was perfectly happy for my staff to do whatever made the day bearable during lockdown, but we were all mightily relieved when we no longer had to.

You can't run a team meeting and engage with your child at the same time. You spend your working hours switching between ignoring your kid and ignoring your work. Great for you if you can get your work done in between looking after a toddler, but stop pretending you do both at once.

Those saying "mind your own business" dont seem to click that by telling OP, he MADE it her business. If she has asked him questions and forced info out of him, fine she is a nosey BB, She didnt.

So OP can do what she likes with the info HE willingly shared. And then insulted her and belittled her.

It does not make her "bitter" and "jealous", it makes her a normal human being who does not appreciate a man sounding off about her choices.