Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

If a toddler is enough to knock you off your focus....

Were you lucky enough to have angelic toddlers who don't need any attention so you can focus solely on your work while they're entertaining themselv, behaving perfectly, never hurting themselves or getting into anything they shouldn't be? Because most toddlers, you take your focus off them fora second and they're causing havoc.

YABU.
Keep calm and move on

No, I have normal toddlers (twins at that) and the ability to multitask

This gives me the rage. Bollocks. You don’t choose to pay childcare whilst working - you do it because it’s the only way to be professional.

He is an entitled wanker who thinks the rules don’t apply to him. Probably the type of dad that wants recognition and medals for basic parenting tasks and to have exceptions made for him because ya know he is a bloke juggling parenting and work……like women have had to do to be taken seriously for bloody ever.

God this one has got to me - condenses all the self congratulatory shit and entitlement of the worst men into one anecdote. I’m off to make an effigy. Strength, effigies and pins to you op.

so are judgemental assholes

🤣🤣 Another busybody I see.

I don't understand why you would report him. You had a conversation with a coworker who said something you didn't like. Get over it. If I was your boss and you came to me with this I would be incredulous.

My 2 year old is home on friday afternoon. My husnabd is off then but inevitably the 2 year old sometimes ends up in my office. No one cares at my work because i get all my work done. In fact, i'm working right now as something needs doing for the morning. Careful who you report him too - you risk making you look terribly petty.

If anything I'd be feeling sad for the kid..what a shitty childcare arrangement. Two parent working while young child presumably gets plonked in front of the TV or has to amuse themselves all day. Great learning environment 🙄

I'd stay out of it.

I'd love to see your kids perspective. It's got f all to do with multitasking. You absolutely couldn't be giving your twins a good environment while you're focusing on work. Or you weren't focusing on work whilst caring for your twins.

Yes, you saved money, but I wouldn't at the expense of my children. They deserve good quality care and attention.

The suggestion I don’t provide for my children is frankly disgusting. Are you sure you’re not the coworker OP is posting about, because clearly you both have the same abhorrent attitude

Who said anything about saving money? I don’t avail of childcare half the time because I don’t need to. My husband and I are more than capable of providing for our children and working.

My children are happy, healthy, well socialized and well adjusted. Everything I do in this world is for them, and if I had to choose between them or work, I’d happily give up work.

Poor children, what kind of life for them to be stuck with 2 parents working when they could be doing stimulating activities with their peers to aid their development and socialising, or be with an actual present parent.

Not this shite again. No, you can't give your attention to your children and your work at the same time.

What an entitled twat. Report him. Dropping out of meetings etc so he’s clearly not doing his job properly!

Well said!!!

I repeat
Op how do you know they don't normally havea nanny?
Or how do you know husband wife doesn't usually work the same hours he does.
You are making a lot of assumptions based on one snapshot.

People taking the piss like this are the reason so many employers are pushing for people do do more and more days in the work place
.

It's terrible for the child and for the employer

Does your employer have a policy on this? It’s in our contracts that we’re not able to care for children while wfh (unless it’s exceptional circumstances such as a child being ill, and even then we’d be expected to tell a manager). Given he’s been a prick and everyone else will be picking up his slack I wouldn’t keep quiet about that.

Your children are not a task. You said you have a "big" job. You "multi tasking" means only half your focus is on each of these things.

This is not the same AT ALL as what the op described. You say you get your work done, OP said colleague said he would drop out of the call because his child was there.
Would your work be ok with you doing the same?

No, I have normal toddlers (twins at that) and the ability to multitask

What is your job?

Id wouldn't for now. I think his situation will blow
Up in his face/ he could end up outing himself

Poor 2 year old. I wonder what they do all day when both parents are working?

You made the better choice regarding childcare

invest in a dictionary. For assholes.

notwithstanding that providing childcare is a full-time job, there's no way this can be a permanent arrangement...
it sounds like this was a message sent through slack/hipchat/teams etc rather than delivered verbally. is it just possible that "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid" was a joke? I'd be very careful reporting unless you are 100% about the context. text comms are really easy to misread.

Your children are not a task. You said you have a "big" job. You "multi tasking" means only half your focus is on each of these things.
First rule of having children is that when talking about children, is there's always a few people who enjoy pretending they're not like the other parents.

At some point someone will be long to tell us that their boss doesn't realise that they have toddler triplets at home all day, and make wholesome dinners every day, and they keep their house spotless all whilst working a 6 figure job from home (which is simultaneously never affected by their superior multitasking, even though by multitasking they are affecting their colleagues), and when their gorgeous husband comes home he's simply blown away by the superior parenting and productivity. They're not like the other parents don't you know. 😂