Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

You do realise that most of them are started by people who do not wfh or were made to return on the office right ? Those who had good policies with wfh prior to covid seem to be doing much better .
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You must also tem we some people really seem very unable to wfh they just don’t have the skills to self motivate and organise their work .
I still remember 2 specific colleagues demanding being furloughed during covid because they couldn’t possibly work with children at home , while they expected others to do their job . My company was extremely flexible and used very little of the furlough scheme because thankfully they already had good work from home policies in place .

I personally wouldn't report it, unless you are finding that he isn't pulling his weight. I can't see anything in your op that tells me he isn't.

I manage staff who work from home the great majority of the time and I know that one of my staff members looks after her children while working from home during the school holidays. I have never had a problem with the amount of work she does. In fact I sometimes worry she over works to make up for it.

I don't see being defensive of his time and not putting his camera on as an issue. I'm defensive of my time and only use my camera for one on one calls, where we aren't screen sharing.

Report both situations! Who is actually looking after the Young child if they are working? Either nobody is or they aren’t actually working.

I’ve been told if I’m found to have my child at home whilst I’m working from home, it will count as gross misconduct so I could lose my job.

eh? Haven't RTFT - and I see it has attracted many pages of commentary.... but eh? Is this really now the cutting edge of all the many decades of hard-fought for women's rights to date?

There is so much more that needs to be done to include the many more 'working' and 'non-working' women that still don't benefit from much of the equality legislation yet, legally or not.

If you're already lucky enough to work for an organization that appreciates women don't mess it up please for the rest by pedantic semantics; it plays into many 'oppressive' employer's hands.

Choose your battles OP - just like dealing with DC - and 'view' your colleague as a young teen who is just finding his way.

Mind your own OP. Busybodies are the worst.

Its not only his business. An employee trying to work with no childcare is not going to do a good job, and that's going to impact on the wider team and could create risk for op's employer.

Op is not being a busybody.

Which bit is upsetting you? Him suggesting you don't enjoy spending time with your kids? It was an uncalled remark but in isolation not enough to report. I'd have just given a firm but curt reply at the time.
Not being present during working hours is a different matter and one hor his manager not HR. Let your manager know if you like but bare in mind he could have agreed flexi hours or similar so not doing anything 'wrong'. Maybe you could ask for similar?

She mostly definitely is as she only has one piece of evidence.

Its absurd to go to HR over ONE such interaction.

If anything, this will 100% blow back on her for being so petty

Agree with pp, you could say xx seems to have flexihours, is that something I could have too?

It depends what annoys you most about what he said.

Oh look the mind you own brigade are here. These people who protest so loudly and tell others to mind their own are usually gaming the system in some way and that’s why they come across as so defensive. You see it a lot on benefit fraud threads.

I reckon she should mind her own. I've got no axe to grind. I'm not on any benefits. I run my own business. If it is affecting work it is up to line managers to deal with it

What are your employers policies around WFH & childcare?

While his comment was unfair, I’m still on his side. You sound like a right pain OP. Who cares if he avails of childcare, that’s his choice. Is a child occasionally popping up in the background really enough to damage the team? If so, the team aren’t very strong multitaskers.

And what’s it to you if he keeps his camera off? That’s his preference, nothing to do with you.

I work full time, avail of childcare half the time. Not on any benefits, never have been. Could have taken disability for a medical condition, chose not to because I didn’t want to “play the system” for something I could manage with some extra effort on my part. I work in a very busy, high stakes company that works alongside the government.

Other members of my team are in similar situations with children occasionally in the background. We just all say hello, let the parent deal with it and resume the meeting. No muss, no fuss. If a toddler is enough to knock you off your focus, you have other issues.

Not everyone likes having their cameras on either. Who cares? Again, if that’s enough to knock you off your focus, you have other issues.

I still think OP should mind their own in regards to all this. Document the comment, absolutely, but acknowledge how their attitude is contributing to the tension

If a toddler is enough to knock you off your focus, you have other issues.

Eh? My work is pretty brain intensive. That's the "issue". It's what I am expected to do. There is no way I can focus on reading complicated scientific articles (and all the rest) with a toddler around.

You’re hardly reading these while on a group call. If you’re having such an issue with everyday distractions, speak to your higher ups and ask for time to focus. Or block out time in your calendar.

You can’t avoid distractions, no matter what those distractions might be.

No, I'm not reading those on a group call, but those calls still require focus.
My work requires me to focus all day w/o distractions and my set up is such that I am able to do that. I don't regard having a toddler in my office as an every day distraction that would warrant me speaking to my manager in order that accommodations be made.

if you have proof that he’s not putting in the full 35 hours or whatever, then report him. I’d be suspicious that he’s not, and that he’s actually spending a lot of time dealing with his kid during work hours and leaving his colleagues to pick up the slack. But he could be staying late in the evenings or starting work early to compensate.

Don't say anything yet. Keep notes of it happening multiple times then raise. If I was your boss I'd say you were being petty but if it happened a few times then I'd listen.
Maybe try baiting him and bringing up children again see if he continues

Keep notes, with dates and times that he has ducked out of meetings because he is doing childcare. If he weren't switching off his camera and "having to drop out" and being unavailable, the it would not matter - and you would not know.

I have seen businesses go down the tubes really fast when one employee is basically allowed to make their own rules to the detriment of contributing to the work team. It undermines morale and everybody starts off slacking and ends up leaving.

If he is going to continue to play silly beggars then either your manager should deal with it, or you should polish up your CV before your workplace moves into full-on open favouritism, and jump ship before it sinks.

I'd report him due to the comment. Dick.

You are not his manager, you have no idea what the business has agreed with him and it is absolutely none of your business.

As for the snarky comment, if it's truly bothering you then have a conversation with him about it, like an adult.

Not everything needs to go straight to reporting, especially an offhand insensitive comment.

Your manager is not managing. This guy is not working.

Are you all carrying him?

Why don't you say you're going to do the same thing abd see what happens.

It's crass, some people are bone idle and effect their inadequacies onto others. This guy is an arse. He needs calling out, but like I said tell your boss you're going to work like him, take your child out of nursery - money is tight - and wfh whilst doing chold care. Check tgats OK as thus guy is already doing that. If he causes a fuss then tell him what's going on. If he says OK as long as tge work is done, do it.

I recall having a comm director decide to go buy his kud a toy during a key client meeting during covid. I left soon after. Company folded a few weeks later - surprised? No neither was I!

Tell me about it! I'm really lucky where I work that when little one is poorly I can have her home with me and still work, but I rearrange anything that will require my full attention. And it's exhausting, I can't understand how anyone would willingly work while looking after a small human (mine regularly tries to seriously harm herself in some stupid way like diving headfirst ofd whatever high surface she can get to).

I LOVE spending time with my kid. It's not spending time with them if you're working too though.

Ignore the comment. This would be petty. Adults at work should be able to cope with this. It might not be nice but it is hardly terrible. Personally I would get on with my own job but I would not go out of my way to pick up any slack or cover his arse in any way.

Don't make an issue of this at work. If you do, it is much more likely to cause harm in the future to women in a real childcare bind than this one performance-parenting man. Surely lockdown taught us all that, if we didn't know it already