Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

There have been several (very long) threads on this topic on here and each time the OP gets lambasted for even attempting to look after the child while wfh, it’s def not accepted!

Keep records and make sure to have example when his flakiness caused issues.

If he's new, hopefully he's still on probation so that will be easy. If he's past his probation, he's still on thin grounds.

It really is not accepted, what thread have you read?

No it isn’t. There was a thread recently where a woman was absolutely flamed for thinking of looking after her kidwhile wfh.

The opposite is the case.

You might get a few dopes going along with it, but the vast majority absolutely do not.

@PurplePear7 that's exactly what I was thinking too, I've never seen anyone on here say that it's acceptable to work and look after their child at the same time. Anytime someone suggests it they get shot down extremely quickly

Check your work policy, mine specifically says you should not be undertaking childcare during working hours when working remotely (or words to that effect). I also really hate when people don't have cameras on during meeting, I think its rude and makes the conversation more difficult when you can tread facial cues etc (unless its a one off because the camera doesn't work or someone's having a bad day).

I doubt they will do anything about it though, I must happen a lot most people just keep it off camera so you don't know...

Grow up ffs, report him for what exactly?

*Yes, you are reading that correctly.

You don't know other people's circumstances.

I work with plenty of people who start late or leave early to do the school run. I have colleagues who work from home during school strikes and new mothers who have just returned from maternity leave.

I couldn't give a shiny shit about any of this.

It's hard enough to get by without being judged by people who don't have to answer to, and who don't know the first thing about you. Especially when one of the problems they have is that they turned their webcam off*

Flexible family friendly policies and workplaces are fantastic and should be encouraged, allowing employees the flexibility and autonomy to meet their work requirements and family responsibilities where possible in a way that does not negatively impact their work commitments.

You stated that childcare during working hours is a choice. An actual choice. That is vastly different and frankly leaves me pretty annoyed.

You might not "give a shiny shit" but management should. Flexible hours is one thing, but leaving early or arriving late and not making the time somehow --in an adult manner- is taking the piss and not fulfilling your contract. People are paid to do a job, if they want a part-time role, they take one with the part-time wage that goes with it.

You should give "a shiny shit" when your own workload is impacted by others refusing to work a full day. Your colleagues should report and complain about others when they are expected to pick up the slack.

I hate to break it to you but EVERYONE in any office has "circumstances" , obligations, health issues and various problems. Some stay professional, some don't, it's the only difference.

are you the colleague? 😂

Say what?
Not in any professional organisation. Most will absolutely forbid childcare whilst working. It's ludicrous to suggest that there's a difference between men and women in this respect.
If my colleagues were ducking out of meetings for any childcare other than emergencies, I'd be pretty pissed off too.

I am baffled that you think this is an HR issue. Your line manager should be your first stop for raising issues, not HR.

In this case, I would raise with line manager that colleague appears to be simultaneously providing child care and working as I do not believe this is fair on the rest of the team. But I would let the comment go, it was a joke obviously.

I wouldn't report, you sound bitter about childcare costs. If his work is up to standard and your boss is happy with his contributions it doesn't matter a jot if his kid is around or not. Mind your own business

Mind your own business

How do you know there isn’t a partner, grandparent or nanny helping out?

Colleague is taking the piss. Might be fine as a one-off, but he's messing up meetings, not paying full attention, etc. So employer starts thinking "family friendly policies dont work as parents just start taking the piss".

You should have replied to him that you love spending time with your child, but not whilst working when it means you can’t do your job properly and finish your meetings.

'My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?'

I think you need to tread carefully because it sounds like there is bad blood historically here. Id probably have an informal word with my boss and mention this to them.

But what he said wasn’t offensive? Some people genuinely do like having their children around all day every day, the vast majority don’t and that’s ok. We all need time to feel like adults, but it’s equally ok to enjoy being with your child and having them at home even if they interrupt etc. I’d rather my kids were with me than anywhere else because I love having them around.

Does your company have a policy of childcare must be used if working from home? If not then what’s there to report? If so, why would you report aside from to be a dick yourself?

Him telling the OP he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times is kind of a clue

Also as a HR person and as other have said this really isn’t a HR issue. If you feel you must report it’s a line manager issue

Depends on your company culture I guess. All of us at my company work flexibly and take time out here and there to do school runs etc. Most people here are paid to do a job, not to work set hours.

Our kids live in our homes, if we're working from home there's a good chance a kid will be around at some point, we are just expected to minimise disruptions around "important" meetings.

I would never "report" a colleague for not doing their job because it's up to their manager to decide whether their job is being done. I might pass on rude messages to my manager though to let them know I am unhappy with how I was spoken to.

@WandaWonder

When women are wfh and have to look after children at the same time that is accepted on here, why is a man doing it different?

On any thread I've ever seen where an OP has said they're thinking about wfh without childcare for their child, even for a one off week or something, I would say that the vast majority (like 90%) of comments have said it's inappropriate, unfair on other staff members as they won't be working to full capacity, not an employer's problem if you can't afford childcare etc etc.

I've never seen it 'accepted' as an acceptable norm on here.