Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

I would ask boss if it is ok to provide childcare whilst working as others are doing it?

Going against the grain a bit, I think you let his rudeness go as that will sound petty if raised and you won’t be the only one to notice anyway. I think you need to ask your employer what their policy is on working from home when no childcare is in place. Provided they have a policy and everyone is compliant, it’s up to you to decide if you have childcare in place whilst he chooses not to. The policy is the key point. My employer has clarified similar because they noted that an “unlevel playing field” was causing “resentment in the workforce” and I think no-one thought it petty to raise that.

The day is 24 hours enough for both . I don’t have set outs bar a few meets and phone calls so I’m not ignoring either .

Okay, so you spend your working day not working and instead looking after your kid, except when you have meetings and phone calls during which you work and don't look after your kid. Glad you've agreed you don't multitask.

Nah don't be a grass, OP.

I work for the Local Authority in a deprived area and our line managers are very much aware that a lot of people are working from home and juggling childcare at the same time.

Absolutely nothing would happen if you reported your concerns where I work.

This . I would be very wary of someone complaining about a colleague without a proper reason and it sounds like this is not a common occurrence. If targets are not meet then that’s fair enough but it sounds like the op is resentful of more than actually worried about his job performance or how that affects her .

I can multitask perfectly well thank you. What I can't do is give my job 100% and a young child 100% attention at the same time. It's impossible. Something has to give, and it will always be the work.

It's not nothing to do with entitlement, but if I'm putting 100% focus and attention into my job (and the only way to do that is by paying for childcare), then I expect my colleagues to do the same (and not think it's acceptable for their work to suffer because they want to save money)

Ultimately, if they were working in the office they wouldn't be able to have their child with them, and working from home is meant to be an extension of the office.

No denying his comment was rude but I feel your comment to him of "juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks" was passive aggressive so I can understand his sarcy response.

To me it feels that comment wasn't an innocent remark but trying to shame him for doing something that was perhaps only appropriate for lockdown.

And you're not wrong but why not just come out and say it to him?

Something like "i didn't know we were allowed to do that" would have sufficed. To play devil's advocate, you have no idea what's going on in his personal life and he could have cleared his working arrangements with his manager.

Yeah, don't be bitter about a person being paid more than you shirking on his job! And insulting you into the bargain...

Speak to your manager. Home working isn’t for piss taking. Cheap bastard not getting childcare, makes my blood boil and ruins it for the rest when bosses bring everyone back due to individuals like him.

Do you work or take care if your child full time ? If so , are you able to text , call or even be on MN ? I bet you are . My child doesn’t need me with her 24 hours a day , she can entertain herself a bit while I overlook , it’s not neglect it’s actually making sure she has some independence . I can 100% watch peppa pig with her or sing to her or be in the garden while the runs around or plays in the sandpit while replying to emails and writing letter . Tasks that require more brain power tend to leave for when my partner is home , if I need to go to play gym or swimming I work when I return . I’ve wfh some days since 2017 ( full time since 2019 ) , same company , several promotions different children . It works for me , it works for my team , it works for my family . Probably not for everyone and certainly exhausting , but it’s something I’m willing to do for a short time so I can be with them while they are little and hopefully retire early .

I think if people holding team meetings and client calls don’t think it’s unacceptable to be minding a two year old no wonder output is declining. I am not necessarily picking on Cucu but I am staggered that NO ONE she deals with thinks this is not great. Just think if shop workers had their two year olds with them, police officers had the kids in the back of the squad car, teachers had their toddlers in the back of classrooms or MP’s brought their children into Prime Ministers Question Time.

I can sort of see it if you are self employed or are not customer facing but to blithely think everyone is OK with it is truly bonkers. If I was talking to my solicitor about a technical probate query which is far too complex for me to deal with if she said ‘sorry, I have a two year old to deal with too, could you give me a minute’ and it happened everytime I spoke to them I would honestly be putting in a complaint to a senior partner. Even if it happened once or twice I would think twice about using this company who clearly allows this half cocked way of working. It’s like taking two calls at the same time!!

I did have a colleague who was using the wfh as a reason to not have childcare and she did say she knew I would understand being a mother myself! I told her I couldn’t do my role properly unless I had care in place and didn’t understand how she could (she couldn’t btw). She realised she had told the wrong person. I didn’t report her. Her manager knew she was doing it but was nervous of her and then he moved on so it was never addressed. I left the company anyway a few months later after 30 years but the company is a household name.

No. You cannot watch Peppa Pig and write a letter at the same time. Stop making these silly claims.

Do you work or take care if your child full time ?

I never work and look after a child at the same time. Because you can only do one at a time and that isn't what I'm paid for.

In the office you have phone calls , backchat , all sorts of interruptions . While some thrive in the office some prefer wfh with little interruptions. As I example I noticed one of my team members reaches her targets much faster the days she wfh despite having a 4 year old than the 2 days she is on the office . It’s her choice to work in the office and she enjoys it , but if she was to tell me she wants to wfh 5 days a week I would have no objection. Why would I

No , you can’t ! I can and I do daily . I also take work calls while filling the washing machine and ( shock horror ) walking the dog and even prepping dinner . Once more , just because you cannot do something ( which is absolutely fine ) , doesn’t mean others can’t . We all have different capabilities, we all do different jobs . You should not judge others to only your standards

Evidence gather so that you substantiate your complaint. Don’t complain yet in case he slightly adjusts his work arrangements to neutralise your complaint. Log every meeting missed, every work call with the camera off, every time you have to pick up the slack for him.

Give him enough rope to bang himself with.

And WFH you have the same interruptions as above, but with the addition of a small human who can't just wait whilst you finish your call, or be told to not cry when they're upset because you're speaking to a client.

I'm more productive wfh because I can get on with everything peacefully - but that's because I don't have a child who demands my attention.

People who genuinely think it's acceptable to not pay for childcare whilst they're working from home are utterly deluded, and will ruin the entire wfh ethos for the rest of us who don't take advantage.

Cucu. I am not sure she isn’t winding us all up here. I have been in the corporate world for over 35 years. Worked with clients large and small. Had back to back meetings and roles that were less so. I am now working part time (not Tuesdays!) which is welcome. Got children through private schools and mortgage is about to be paid off with the inheritance when probate is finally granted after god knows how long by the Probate Dept who are all working at home…

I have dealt with all sorts including board members. Not one of them would find this way of working acceptable hence we didn’t do it. One client paid for me to be managing their account 5 days a week. There is NO WAY they would have found working at home with children distracting me OK with them. As for my line management - I would have been fired if I was found to be looking after kids whilst working during the time they were quiet.

I honestly do not see the issue . I had professions in the past where I had to pay for childcare all day every day , with my current one I know my capacity and know it’s not needed . By all mean target those people who struggle and do the bare minimum but do not claim everyone is the same . We are not .

Cucu. Do you work full time?

THIS THIS THIIIIISSSS

I think you are giving yourself an answer “ your line of work “ . I had years and year of having to put my eldest on childcare full time on other jobs . Currently I’m fine working with my toddler part of the day ( partner is home half of the day ) . I do have very flexible work hours that help a lot , if she is being terrible I can wait until he gets home and work an evening ( as an example ) .
Im by no means saying all professions are suitable and all people are suitable to wfh with children but do not put all of us in the same box .

He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings

I bet deflecting meetings means someone else (i.e. you) has to pick up the work, or send him notes so he saves the time.

It's a tactic used by a lot of arseholes.

I would start keeping a log of how this affects you and your time.