Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

I guess the people saying ‘mind your own business’ are actually doing exactly the same as this guy, this is why people need to be back in the office and cut this crap wfh malarkey. I for one am sick to death of getting shoddy service from people who wfh, they really can’t be bothered to do the work they are supposed to be doing because they have kids in the background or are eating while talking to you!

It really isn’t acceptable to do childcare (particularly for such a young child) and work. On one hand you are definitely not doing your job. On a more important point, you are not caring for the child and that is not safe.

Generally, I agree don’t report things as I hate busy bodies but in this case I would because I would be concerned for the child.

No idea how people do it, a two year needs almost constant attention!

This.

As for the camera thing, I think I'd find cameras having to be on all the time quite oppressive, tbh.

What does your contract say? Ours explicitly does not allow this for primary age or younger children. Saying that I'd hesitate to report as I have looked after my primary age children if sick etc and my boss has been happy to turn a blind eye.

Is this person actually achieving less targets or is this a one off ? If a one off then I don’t see an issue if not then consider talking to your manager . I have people on my team working at home with children including myself but my treat is fully on target and we are allowed to do this

The problem with threads like this on mumsnet is that it attracts the opinion of a lot of people who don't work, or who haven't worked for a long time and who certainly haven't worked in the age of Teams and connectivity. The idea of old-fashioned presenteeism is rife on mumsnet. 😂

no need to be so patronising.

Most of the people who commented have quoted their own work policy.
We are talking about people taking the piss when they "work" from home, and penalising everyone by removing the offer of flexibility that work for most professionals.

Wfh and ‘save’ on childcare is rife. Covid showed people what they could do and most importantly save. I worked for a very large company and we all knew the people who were doing it. One particular person would never be around for urgent calls and meetings away from home well before Covid were wriggled out of constantly. We all had to pick up the slack or on many occasions brief her on her actions!

eventually her line manager did speak to her but she claimed her son was just poorly and it wasn’t a regular thing. He then moved on and it just continued…

Report as he is under a contract which he is breaking by not giving his full commitment to his contracted hours.

WFH does not mean you can go without childcare and just work around the DC.

If I was your manager and you reported a one-off incident like this to me I would never trust you again.

You need to choose if you are making HR aware or not. Don’t just sit on it and fester as any issues need to be nipped in the bud. You said he was a new colleague so potentially still in probationary period?

Personally I’d ask to see a copy of the hybrid working or home working policy. Ours clearly states that home working is not a substitute for childcare.

Don’t be daft , why would the child be neglected ? Currently working at home with my 17 month old as hubby was called into work ( he normally is home for at least 50% of the time I’m working ) . Child is feed , changed and happy in front of me watching peppa pig , before this she was painting and before that was on her highchair eating while I made work calls sitting in front of her .
I am my team leader by the way , my work is always on show and the first to be picked up if something was to go wrong with my team . So I’m not neglecting work and I most certainly not neglecting the child , I’m will be off my 2 pm and we plan on going to the local beach with the older kids in the afternoon . Just because not all people can multitask doesn’t mean some can’t

I'm surprised no-one has said this yet (unless I've missed it) but my boss would take an extremely dim view of me if it came out that a colleague was doing this and I hadn't let them know. So I don't think it's as simple as not just being a grass - what happens when it turns out OP knew all about this 'arrangement'?

I work from home now too myself but children are grown up. I think having the no working from home with no childcare in place is a very good idea in work contracts.

However thinking of my old company they would turn a blind eye to the occasional wfh when child is sick but how does company police it? Ask for childcare contract? Proof there is care in place? You could get your parents to say they look after him should proof be required.

And this is exactly why you should report it.

The problem with threads like this on mumsnet is that it attracts the opinion of a lot of people who don't work, or who haven't worked for a long time and who certainly haven't worked in the age of Teams and connectivity. The idea of old-fashioned presenteeism is rife on mumsnet.

People should be judged on their output, not on how long they've spent in front of a screen
This isn't about presenteeism. Far from it.

It's about making appropriate childcare arrangements when someone has a young child so that colleagues aren't having their own work affected by someone dipping in and out of work at their leisure.

I'd go even further that people like OP's colleague, and others who think WFH is a nice easy way to save on childcare are shafting everyone else who benefits from flexible working and has appropriate childcare.

We are assuming the boss doesn’t know . Maybe they do ? In my offer fe this is left to the team leaders to decide . My team has more than one person working from home with children . Everyone is warned targets must be meet at all times , as long as this is done I do not care if they cook , run, clean or play or take breaks for baby groups .

And I'm fairly sure most contracts for hybrid/remote working are now stipulated that children are not to be in the home. Your paid to work, not look after your child.

The best advice I ever received was - keep your snout out of it.

Well what he's doing isn't great but you come across not great yourself.

In reality, if this arrangement is affecting the output of his work and/or his colleagues then report this, as this is an issue for your employer. What you spend your money on and how you deal with childcare is irrelevant.

Firstly, you’re sure he wasn’t trying to be funny and it came out wrong?
for some posters who need to know this, childcare is a contractual requirement for most of us. However you have nothing to take to your boss/ hr at the moment. One probably rude comment (if you’re sure it wasn’t supposed to be a joke) - keep the screenshot. And one day where he and his partner were both home and juggling childcare. Yes you know the child wasn’t sick, but as far as we can tell you don’t know anything else
wg maybe a grandparent usually looks after them that day and couldn’t, or a nanny who couldn’t make it.

but, don’t let him fuck with you. Next team meeting say Jack are you ok to cover meeting x or task y or are you still juggling childcare? Just flag it casually to others. I have been doing quite a bit of juggling with sick children and no show Nannies the past month and I’m extremely open about it. Nobody will ever be able to call me out on any of it (not that my lovely colleagues or boss would)

How does this impact you? Serious question.

Is there a tangible impact on you or the project or whatever it is you are working on?

E.g. deadlines being missed, meetings being disrupted resulting in unclear communication, etc.

Unless there is a tangible impact, don't do anything. If he's struggling with juggling both it will show in his performance or his ability to do his work. If it doesn't then it's none of your business.

(But yes, I also wouldn't be able to work with my kids at home and his last comment was uncalled for).

The correct answer in all cases like this, is fuck whatever business you work for. They will immediately dump anyone and everyone over the side if the business ever starts to wobble, so take anything and everything you can from them at all times.

If working from home means you don't need to pay for childcare then have at it.

Cucu - I cannot believe you are making client/work calls whilst supervising an under 2 year old. How unprofessional and am sure your team either think if she can do then so can I or that you are not concentrating on what you are doing either on the child care front or the work front. What if child falls out of chair, or starts crying and babbling away. Do you suddenly leave the call?

True but in that case my boss would reply to say 'thanks, we're aware' and that would be the end of it. If it turned out they weren't aware and I had been, it would get me in the shit.

I wouldn’t report someone to HR for making a personal comment, I’d of said something back at the time.
But now the moments passed just let it go and learn for next time.