Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

And if you do decide to report then focus on the outcomes (missed deadlines etc) and not on what his possible reasons are for not doing his work.

I've worked with 4 people who have done that.

2 of them were eventually sacked as it was an ongoing issue. The other 2 had older children and only had no childcare on random days.

I was in a similar position and raised it with management. They weren’t really bothered even though it clearly affects the persons work. I don’t think HR would be interested either.

I'd report re the childcare issue. Should not be wfh with young children.

Sorry I am also going to go with it is not your business what he is spending his salary on. Unless kids is clearly impacting his work, he can choose to juggle both in my opinion.

No, people taking the piss are the worst.

Output can be fudged. I worked with the public sector for years as a supplier and it’s not as simple as saying process two passport applications in an hour, or 5 driving licences in a morning. They are masters at having every excuse under the sun why the output is not what it was - system went down, didn’t feel well, couldn’t log on, laptop playing up, Tracey in the post room didn’t pass application to me in a timely fashion. Queries with applications hence the delay. It was bloody rife and it’s not getting any better because they are all still. Working from Home.

I am currently battling with a Probate Application for a relative. Despite the paperwork being correct and a simple application I cannot check on progress for four months.

exactly this!
Colleague is "working" from home, doing pretty much fuck all, then having the audacity to try and make a virtue out of it by claiming better parenting. And some people on MN think this is fine. Well obviously they either don't work at all themselves, or they're also slackers trying to play the system.

Agreed, my boss would be furious if I said I had to drop out of meetings as my child was there. I don't understand how people think this ok?!

did you miss the bit about leaving meetings? It clearly is impacting on his work.

It was actually a team meet but even if it was a client call exactly why would it be an issue ? She is eating quiet and I’m doing my thing 🤷🏻‍♀️. If my child falls of the chair ( very doubtful since she is strapped in so worst case scenario she could choke or cry but not fall ) I will say , would you mind giving me a minute . It won’t affect my client at all and certainly won’t affect my team .
People like you just seem unable to deal with daily life glitches without stopping your life .
I had to leave mid court session a few years ago because I got an emergency call from school and my son ended up in hospital , does that make me unprofessional too ?

You really cannot look after a 2 year old and work. People who say this are deluded!

There is a world of difference between minding a 2yo while working and not wearing makeup.

OP needs to be careful here, because if she reports him off the back of one incident then she will look petty when he says his usual arrangements fell through, and also put herself in a difficult position when her own childcare falls through because of illness.

A consistent pattern of it interfering is a different matter though.

(Spoken as someone who had a 2yo in March 2020 and consequently pays F childcare despite mostly WFH!)

Depends on the profession . Outputs cannot be easily “ fudged” in my office

Emergencies are different, but day to day childcare can't be done while working if you have young kids. I'm a GP - would you be happy waiting 2 hours in the waiting room while I popped home and took my child to football?

Deluded and selfish

rubbish. There are dozens of posts of women planning to "go back to work" after mat leave but wfh and not use a nanny and they are usually told one of 2 things
either
"you can't wfh with a baby, you won't be doing your job properly"
or
"hahahahaha no chance you can wfh and have a baby/toddler with you"

OP: keep a record

check your company policy, with the manager you both report to, about camera on/of policy (ours is camera on unless you're in a public place) and if there is a policy about rejecting meetings. (for us it is: if you do not need to be in a meeting and have urgent work, say so and leave)

Bide your time.

There is no way you can look after 2 year old and work. Toddlers are into everything, are a liability and have an attention span of 5 minutes.

I would ask HR what the policy is on wfh and childcare.

And it is OPs business if she has to work around this blokes schedule because he isn't available because he is looking after his child. If OP has to repeat bits of a meeting because he wasn't listening. Or send over info that he has missed etc.

Hmm I wouldn't report as it could potentially bite you on the arse. I'm not saying looking after your child is right when you are meant to be working, but they both work from home, he could quite easily say that isn't true, I was merely just watching them for an hour as his wife had to deal with something. Where's the proof apart from something written on teams, he could quite easily say he didn't mean that. If his work is fine you then look like you are out to get him. I do wonder if there's some level of resentment here as he is more senior than you, did you go for his job and not get it?

But you dont know his childcare arrangments. His partner is home too.
Yes, and he's having to dip out of work because his parent needs to work.

It sounds like they're choosing to use WFH instead of having appropriate childcare arrangements for a young child, which is affecting their colleagues.

I know this isn't about presenteeism, but I won't forget the views that came out about women WFH in their pyjamas and without make up in a thread during the pandemic. I don't think mumsnet is the place to come for professional advice.
What has women wearing make up got to do with men and women choosing not to make appropriate childcare arrangements, which affects their work?

Cucu. I have been customer facing with big corporates and mid sized companies and no way would that be seen to them as OK. You stop a call to deal with a 2 year old? Unless your child is completely silent it’s completely unacceptable.

I am now the other side of the fence and am the customer and if I was speaking to a supplier and they had a child chattering the background at the very least I would wonder why they aren’t giving me their full attention? As the GP said on a PP. How would you like it if you were having a Zoom call with your GP and she had a young child in a high chair behind her?

I've not seen that. My experience has been mothers starting threads saying they're planning this and everyone piles in to say it's not possible or acceptable.

My GP works from home often and I’m sure ( since I live in the same street ) her kids are home some of the same time . So no I would not be happy with waiting on a pre booked appointment. But I’m a solicitor , on my pre booked appointments I make sure she is with my partner or has childcare , on my day to day work if he is not home a few hours it’s absolutely fine . At no stage did I say all professions can do it but some can . Most of my team worked very well during lockdown with children at home and I’m yet to change that arrangement as our targets are brilliant at the moment . It’s nit for everyone but this doesn’t mean all should be penalised

1. Your decisions and his re childcare are not connected.
2. A bit rude but probably just a crap joke.

Stay in your own lane OP. His childcare is none of your business.